Monthly Archives: February, 2013

Daily Prayer

Lord, I ask for your guidance on a path to happiness and success
lead me to where I need to be, don’t let me settle for anything less
I ask you to allow me to continue to meet those who inspire me
Lord, please protect all my friends and family
please keep them safe from any harm and keep them in good health
allow them to respect one another and have love for them self
I am truly grateful for all your blessings
though I don’t always feel deserving, I will never forget them
you have shown me so much grace, each day of every year
allow me to exercise patience and cast aside my fears
you give power to my words even when I don’t know what to say
Lord you keep me from the dark when I’m losing my way
allow me to always move forward, help me make wise decisions
all credit due to you Lord for the life I’m living
Thank You God for everything. I love you always. Always in my heart
Amen

I’m Done

the rejection is starting to take its toll

and the excuses are starting to get old

I’m tired of freezing in the cold, burning in the sun

waiting on your every word no more, I’m done

 

If the only time we’re friends is when there are drinks in our hands

It becomes obvious to me that I’m not part of your plans

But you string me along, broken heart and false hopes

Pushing my head under the water, but not wanting me to choke

Rejection time and time again, I feel like a fucking joke you tell a friend

And I’m the punch line that everyone laughs at

So confused to why it is this way, so I laugh back

But I continue to pursue hoping that one day I’ll get through

Know I won’t get through, but I’m too stubborn to stop believing in you

And I’m too much of a fool to accept that it’s that

I never had you, but I already want you back

in my arms, where I’ll be able to hold you

but I guess you can’t see that cause I never told you

but I think you were well aware, there’s just something about me you fear

or maybe you just don’t care, either way this thing we had wasn’t fair

 

Its a shame we came so far just to fall apart

we were building bridges that were ready to collapse from the start

now we’re on our own islands and I’m trying to forget

that the moments I never had with you, I will regret

blaming myself even though I know I tried

giving you the benefit of the doubt, even though I know you lied

feels like every time I propose an idea you have some excuse

but I hear stories of all the times you couldn’t refuse

makes me question, what do you have against me?

I have my guesses, but I refuse to accept what they might be

I shouldn’t have to convince you that I mean well after all we been through

but you refuse to acknowledge something you already knew

that we could do good and we would be great

doesn’t matter now, we’re both too late

I was wrong to believe I could trust again

feel like a fool, thinking of you as a real friend

I’m only noticed when it’s convenient to you

took long enough, but I’m finally seeing through you

 

Now every time I see you, I pretend not to give a fuck

between loving and hating you, I feel like I’m stuck

in a difficult situation, back and forth my mind is pacing

trying to avoid the possible outcomes I’m faced with

to lose you or to lose my sanity but it’s a lose/lose

I’d already be outta my mind to give up on you

but don’t get me wrong, I’m still through, life goes on

one day you’ll look back and see that you were wrong

not giving me a chance, not even a second glance

cause you think i’m not relatable, you think of me as undatable

look at the bigot you’ve become, a hypocrite undone

I’m not the type of guy you wanna give your time to

but never minded me giving my time to you

we don’t talk like we used to, I’m old news

left in the background like you paid those dues

I blame you for making me an asshole

I used to care, but now I’m so cold

and I’m growing old with a resentment of you in my heart

though I won’t let go til the day we actually part

Uncaged

It’s a cold world, and I’ve been given the cold shoulder

So I grow colder each day I get older

I’m what you never had, mixing the good with the bad

In the book of life, I’m the missing page…

I’m a man on a mission, a beast out the cage

 

I know too much

so I’m either gonna live long or die soon

times running out, decision by high noon

tired of being the bad guy, but i’m so good at it

always the fall guy, its become a bad habit

they hate me cause I say what I feel

fuck me, cause I always keep it real

I don’t change just cause I’m outside my element

but now to them that makes me so irrelevant

cowards want to hide out and whisper I’m weak

I deal with more shit in a day than you do in a week

so bitch, open your mouth and choke on a dick when you speak

 

Think they can tame the beast by locking me in a cage

but once I ‘m out, that’s 20+ years of built up rage

years of shit that I got to make up for

rising and taking over the throne, I ready for war

take it out on all these pussies

that thought I was gonna stand there and let them push me

I am what I am so they can like it or love it

Never changing for nobody so I say fuck it

I can’t live the lie of what you assholes pretend to be

I am me, not who you want me to be

So fuck you if you think differently

I don’t have patience so don’t test me

No matter what u do, you will never best me.

I’m getting weary and soon will be the day I make sure you regret me

stay out my way, but make sure you don’t forget me

 

I do what I can to keep calm and carry on

cause no matter what I do, I’m always in the wrong

so I fill your head up, say all the right things, get under your skin

let you think you’re free to fly after I clip those wings

I try to ignore all the ignorance in our fucked society

so when you lose at your own game, don’t come cry to me

every story needs a villain and I’m that man

can’t prepare for me, cause I’m part of no one’s plan

the world identifies me as its enemy

so if that’s what I’m thought to be, why would I pretend to be

anything else. I’m more than a memory that sits on a shelf

do you think I want peace, they call me the War Machine

I do what needs to be done then let you wipe my hands clean

I am so much more than you can begin to dream

so much worse than everything you’ve seen

I bring chaos to the calm mind, then keep that mind serene

I am passive in its most primitive form

I am a product of this cruel world being reborn

 

Turn Around Areas

I’m looking for a turn around area, those turn around places.

Tired of the same mistakes, seeing all the same faces

An escape from reality when I can’t take it

A chance to undo a mistake when I make it

I try and try over and over again

Just to reach the same dead end

 

Lost in the world with nowhere to go, He’s a hopeless soul

Ready to give up cause he went too far digging this hole

That he’s now trapped in, confined himself to a mental prison

Because he couldn’t rise to the occasion when it was risen

He wants to backtrack but doesn’t want to look back

Thought he had it all, but courage is what he lacked

He needed an escape but he didn’t know where to look

Motivated by nothing more than a self help suicide book

Contemplating the thought over and over again

Figured that’s why it was called a dead end

He didn’t see any option, didn’t want to turn around

Gun to his head as his world stood still without a sound

 

She felt trapped and confused with nowhere to go

No one sees her pain, she just puts on a show

Can’t envision her future, she still lives in the past

Holding on to the good times that won’t last

Afraid of the unknown, she stares at a reflection that scares her

Screaming for help on the inside, but no one can hear her

She wants to escape the pain, she desires an outlet

It’s staring her in the face, but she can’t figure it out yet

Her life is under a microscope, everyone has a zoomed in view

She wants to turn around and make a move, but its all in her queue

Waiting for the right time, but no time is right in her mind

Can’t walk away from her troubles because she is too kind

And too blind, she doesn’t want to see the truth

Always settling for mediocrity since she was a youth

 

She always had her dreams, but never took that path

Knew certain things didn’t add up, but never did the math

All her life, she was always in her own way

Accepting that settling was going to be ok

But not today, something changed, she saw that it was a new day

Being abused and disrespected was not her idea of paradise

She was not ready to sell herself short in living lies

Only looking forward, she was determined to do what it takes

Moving in the right direction, forgiving her past mistakes…

 

He was tormented for years awaiting his soul’s resurrection

Down on his knees begging for some direction

Drops the gun and breaks down into tears

Awaking from the nightmare of a life he fears

He can’t let go of the past that haunts him

Abandoned, looking for the reason no one wants him

He knows he can’t undo the damage that’s been done

No turning back now, so he picks up and fires the gun

I Was

You deserve someone better and I think you know that

So what are you waiting for? pack up and walk out the door

Get that man out of your life

You damn well know you don’t wanna be his wife

But you stick around hoping he will change

Settling for less, but you know things wont change

Its been the same thing since day one to year one

Fighting back the tears as he tells you you’re wrong

Putting up with his shit, I just don’t get it

You have self-respect, why don’t you respect it

Scared of starting over so you give all prospects the cold shoulder

You want it to end, but you don’t want it to be over

Pacing back and forth, you are ready to leave

But its an addiction, how can you be so naïve

There is no easy way out so you are so wrong

Expecting to wake up one morning and its all gone

 

I was there but you never noticed, losing hope and losing focus

I was ready to lead if you were willing to follow, but now my desires are becoming hollow

I was good to you, but you couldn’t see that, so I’m moving on and I’m not looking back

 

He takes care of you, but he doesn’t care for you

Not the way I do, but that won’t get through to you

I see you in a way that he can never see

But you’ll never know there is so much more with me

And so much more to you, so much more for you out there

A world I welcome you to and I’m willing to share

But you fear what would happen if you gave yourself that chance

To enjoy something more than a mediocre romance

You shake off a tired relationship like it doesn’t matter

Pretending things are as smooth as cake batter

Waiting for the right moment to do your vanishing act

But I’m sorry it just doesn’t work like that

Things like this aren’t scripted to be so easy

do yourself a favor and stop living like its tv

 

I don’t think you see all you have going your way

No guy in his right mind would refuse to stay

There is so much depth to you, it’s perplexing

But you stay shallow for him, it’s upsetting

Maybe I’m pushing buttons hoping that my opportunity may arise

I can’t help the rush I feel when I look into those eyes

I don’t want to think of the things that could have been

But I know this is one battle I will not win

Because you show no sign of getting out of your own way

And now the thoughts of what we could have been are starting to decay

I tried what I could in hopes to open your eyes

But we only see what we want to see and that’s no surprise

Funny thing is there was no telling if you saw me in that shade

I was just the background music you listened to waiting for the boredom to fade

And the sad truth as I part, is that you will never know this

I knew this was our end, in a dream where we first kissed

Juliet’s Dream

Women spend all their time dreaming about the right man

Then end up with some screw up with no plan

Looking for love, so they chase after a self proclaimed thug

Wanting intimacy but end up faking it after getting rubbed

Want independence, so a no go for a man still living at home

Much rather a rundown pad of a dog just looking to bone

Can’t be emotional it shows weakness and they want strong

So they look for the man that can do all sorts or wrong

Overly aggressive, they love their man as a angry drunk

Criminal record and all, a little ganja and 9 mm in the trunk

Of their broken down car cause all their money goes to the bar

Come home liquored up, the guy who doesn’t really give a fuck

If he hurts you or not, but women stay and choose to be stuck

They like the comfort knowing a man leads to a dead end

So they know where things are going, no insecurity, no surprises

it will get better, nothing will hurt them, but that lie they keep telling themselves  is

 

Women are always scheming, always Juliet dreaming

About the things they want and what they can’t have

Want a good man, but chasing after the bad

She wants a bad boy, not some man who acts coy

Give yourself no chance, relations that too soon peak

So keep dreaming girl, Juliet’s lasted less than a week

 

They like their man older, cause young can’t be successful

Gotta have a man they can impress not someone on their level

Unless they go for the wealth, above and beyond

Digging for gold, giving it all up for Dr. Wrong

Cause some women prefer the easy way out

Head full of doubt about the path that they’re taking

But money over working for love is worth faking

Cause her real love aint banking what this man making

These women must not mind being cheated on

Cause they go for the men with 5 kids with 5 different moms

But to them the past is irrelevant, like it doesn’t affect the future

He got his women, but when you got men, he threatens to shoot ya

Cause women like the jealous selfish type, makes them feel wanted

Putting up with his bullshit over and over again, like she haunted

She can only date the tough or the rich, women don’t want a “bitch”

Yeah that guy with a stable job, respect and wants to get hitched

 

Now you got the women that go for the hair and the eyes

The type that only care about sticking his dick between her thighs

She wants a real man, so she goes for the one night stand

Then she regrets it, but its ok, that’s all a part of her plan

To close off and sabotage her chances with any decent man

She starts to hate herself now, but she doesn’t understand

She went for the man who took care of her, but only at his convenience

He still took care of her so she stayed knowing their love was meaningless

She rejects all other passes made at her and now she’s stuck in a rut

Living with an asshole with no hopes, cause he doesn’t give a fuck

These women feel sorry for themselves, living with so much regret

But ignore the fact they can change with a little more self respect

Good men miss out on women who get in their own way

Maybe that’ll change one day, but that day aint today

Cause women of a certain age keep their eyes shut for the time being

Settling for shit cause quality and good men aren’t worth seeing

 

There’s this misconception that men aren’t serious about relationships until their 30s. All I can say to that is…Really?? Women trick themselves into falling for immature guys or jerks and blame all men rather than themselves. I’ve always had a steady job, making a career for myself. I have a working car, my own place. My head is on straight, I know what I want in life and I’m working towards those things. I have nothing short of respect for any woman. Yes I’m a younger guy, but what does that mean? Am I really less experienced? Less successful? Maybe if I was given the chance maybe they would see that’s not the case. You know what, maybe I am less experience because I have never cheated on my girl, never been incarcerated, never been in a fight… yeah that’s what make me such a bad prospect. Sometimes I believe that women want a man they can clearly improve on, like a man they can shape and mold to their liking, like a fucking home improvement project. Knowing what I want is too intimidating, because I’m secure. I know I’m far from perfect; I have my flaws like everyone else. The way these women see me, it’s like I’m good, just never good enough. I’m just a face with a name, no depth to me at all. I’m worse than their cheating, drug dealing ex-boyfriends. I know plenty of good men out there and too many women who complain about the lack of good men. This is something I will never understand but it is what it is.

God’s Grace

Lord you have sent me down many estranged paths and I don’t know why

I am grateful for your guidance but puzzled as to why you try

What is it that you see in me that I cannot see in myself?

What is it in me that allows me to want to help others but forget about myself?

I was once bound by the chains and regulations of society

But you’ve chosen to isolate and justify me to have piety

I was once a lost soul defined as products off the street

Not yet have found myself and I thought it made me weak

But you’ve given me such power that I’ve yet learned to master

And the foresight to witness before my time, these fragmented disasters

I don’t challenge these gifts, I accept them with great appreciation

They have saved me many times over from a life of degradation

And after 20 years I still will carry no regret

Of anything you put me through cause I know you don’t forget

And you don’t make mistakes and all that you say is true

No matter the life I lead, it’s forever in debt to you

 

Lord grant me the serenity for my soul to be at peace

For my mind to be calm, so that the devil won’t unleash

My rage and fury that has been quelled by your wisdom

Lead me to the path that will take me to your kingdom

By God’s grace, I will not play a role in any devastation

By God’s grace, I will not be my own revelation

Be my eyes and show me what I need to see

By your graces, I will be carried to who I need to be

 

I used to always say I’ve been blessed with a curse

I bare the scar on my heart but I know it can be worse

After all that I’ve been through and to know I’m still here

I know I have a greater purpose, so I live without fear

You have graced me with direct conversation and I don’t know why

And I have also seen my fall, but lord, I’m not ready to die

I live each day with questions about the things I’ve seen

What people call nightmares are what I have as dreams

And in these I’ve seen what you don’t make clear to the average man

Maybe part of some plan, but from what I’ve seen, I fear whose plan

Hesitate to read Revelations fearing what I will find out

It cannot be my destiny to take the wrong route

I bare a mark of something darker than myself, shrouded in my humility

Receiving visions through a dream before I possessed knowledge of what couldn’t be

I remain calm cause this life is not his, it shall remain mine

To live for you, I will fight the battle when it comes time

 

It’s hard to relate, cause to most people I don’t compare

I see it in their eyes, they hate the fact that in man, I have no fear

I am not who I thought I was meant to be

You have redefined me with the messages you sent to me

It’s hard to understand cause this is not a norm

I fear my intentions like why I take pride in a storm

There are many defining traits that give me a new meaning

I desire to know more so I ask of you to let me keep dreaming

You gave me strong morals and a desire to help human kind

But I can’t explain some of the thoughts that cross my mind

I’ve been taken out of lives as soon as you let me help them

Leaving them with the impression that I choose to forget them

Maybe I’m not to be seen as a friendly face to mankind

Cause they don’t acknowledge I help, they choose to act blind

Sometimes it’s for the best cause maybe I’m not here to make friends

By your grace, one day it all becomes clear to me before I see my end

Weight of the World

I belong in this cold world overcome with hate

Only one to shed both blood and flesh and can relate

To the lost innocence of mankind

Verbally abuse the deaf and torture the blind

With acts of ill kindness

Make their sign language become signless

And then call me an animal for sharing my heart

Only doing what I was shown to do from the start

How to be cruel and consumed with hatred

Which I start to do too well, so I hate it

I’m not that fucking nice guy you think you met

But I’m the ill-willed man you can’t forget

No matter how hard you try

you’ll take memories of me when you die

So keep dreaming, don’t sleep on me, I’m well rested

My patience is limited so I’m not to be tested

 

The world is weighing on me

It’s getting kinda heavy

Why must they weigh in on me

I’m trying, but am I ready?

To take on the weight of this world

I take a lot of bullshit but the end is drawing near

The time is approaching where you realize your fear

The one you have of me and what I make possible

Never gave me the credit, the doubt made me unstoppable

Even when I showed no displeasure in anyone unfairly

You bitches would be the one to dare me

To challenge me to what y’all can’t do

To make me face things you would never pursue

You fucking cowards, yeah right I said it

Had your backs from day one, now I regret it

Living with no remorse for your actions

Follow what you hear, you his closed caption

You will never take me down with a shallow heart

I stay true to my people til death do I part

You can’t be the good men motherfuckers let to pass

Only man u got in you, is his dick up your ass

 

I’ve felt the pain of the world and it ain’t pleasant

So tired of the suffering they ask for death as a present

Surrounded by evil daily people saying I’m the root of it

Never fall victim to their lies, so I don’t believe that shit

I’m my own enemy in a way none can say the same

I’ve poisoned the blood running through my veins

Trying the fastest way to get rid of the pain

I can’t give them the satisfaction that they desire

No matter how hard they try, I won’t retire

I won’t stop saving the world til it saves me from myself

But they already wrote me off, my legacy sits on a shelf

I’ve been defined by society, addicted to the unknown, I am their drug

They are my release, without each other, we can’t be at peace

But I can’t carry the burden, the foundation is crumbling to pieces

I sit back and watch it fall apart cause I know I don’t need this

Been cheated out of a childhood, just to hear that I’m no good

For taking on the world in a way no one else would

Couldn’t rise to the occasion the 1st time and for that I repent

I am the accomplishment this world will always resent

Queen of Narcissism

you forgot that I wrote to you
dropped every word I spoke to you
beautiful, was the way I spoke of you
always coming to your defense
but you left me on the fence
not knowing where we stood
the silence did me no good
forced me to move on when I wasn’t ready
ever since that day, my heart has been heavy
that desire that will never be met
a love never there I’m forced to forget
so much time and energy invested
you are the curse I’ve been blessed with

I could destroy you, but I protect you instead
a few simple words can leave you feeling dread
take you off your throne of entitlement
always left me with skepticism, I can no longer be hesitant
queen of narcissism, I resign as your hidden resident
I know all your flaws and weaknesses I’ve come to see
all your habits that always worried me
but its what made me love you so much more
and the price I paid is the hole in my heart I allowed you to bore
can’t get those few brief moments out of my head
the affection you showed that gave me hope
but all you were doing was tying your rope around my neck
to drag me along your road to recovery with little respect
you strung my along, playing your games
not knowing what was real it drives me insane
you made me what I thought was impossible to be
a ruined man, a darker version of the current me
took advantage of all the kindness I showed you
ignored the truths in all the words I told you
how can I give anyone my heart again
how can I deal when you treat me like less than a friend
after all that we been through, all that I’ve given you
never asking for anything in return
but a moment of your time
the one thing you couldn’t afford
you didn’t tug on my strings, you ripped the cord

I thought you made the world a beautiful place to be
yet you torture me, bring me to my knees
all the pain you cause, but too blind to see
it was always about you, selfish in your ways
a victim of your own doing, day after day
you will always be sad with another reason to cry
overlooking the good that happens, the people who try
now I’m old news, it ended before it was over
just another guy, drunk thought when you’re sober
I’m a vague memory of what things could of been
instead of the painful present we’re both living in
praying for your health and safety every night
asking for guidance in winning this fight for your heart
my only opponent was you from the start
you showed your true colors, now I can’t be close to you
now what the hell is a man suppose to do
knowing the love I gave you, didn’t mean shit
remember it was you who gave up on me, I didn’t quit

Disconnect

Your beauty captures me day in and day out

Not a day goes by that I want to be without

Your warming grace as you grace all with your presence

Lost for words so I give you the world as a present

Cause with you I already have the world, I don’t need two

But you don’t want me in yours, not really, do you?

It’s hard to tell how you feel, I’m getting the signals crossed

I thought we were on the same side of the bridge, at what point did u cross

You said u believe in us, we can cherish each other through the best and the worst

You want us to share secrets, rely on each other, but I must go first

I can’t confide in you if you don’t let me in

It’s been years and I still don’t know you, where do we begin

What is it that you want outta me, cause baby I just don’t get it

I thought we had something special, but seems like you regret it

We’re at such an emotional disconnect, you can’t feel what I feel

It’s like you don’t even want to try, like my presence isn’t even real

 

We have too much intellect for this level of disrespect

The damage to our bond we choose to neglect

No repairing this relationship you want to forget

I will never understand our level of disconnect

 

You don’t want me to love you because you say u can’t love me back

But I never asked for anything in return, but you fail to see that

I always let you know that I’m there, but you don’t seem to care

Brush it off with a thanks, and go to the ones you’re used to being there

I don’t want to compete with your old friends, but I feel I have to

Knowing that I lose every time and it makes me feel like a damn fool

Baby what do I have to do to get it in your head?

I ‘m here for more than to lay next to you in bed

Let me inside your world, let me know what you’re thinking

You’re staring right through me, you’re not even blinking

Why can’t you just be real with me, let me know something

Your silence is killing me baby, don’t let me die for nothing

You never lied to me, but I desperately need the truth from you

Would you ever cry for me, how much do I really mean to you?

You’re venting to the world all your pain and emotions

But I get false impressions, and it hurts me to have that notion

 

I’ve always been there for you, but you wouldn’t know that

Right by your side through it all, but you always looked back

Stuck in your comfort zone but in such a rush to get away from home

I didn’t wanna accept it when you said there is nothing for you here

I realized we didn’t value each other the same, you didn’t care

No opportunity to earn your heart, you didn’t want me to stick around

but it was too late, cause I fell for you, I was ready to stand my ground

thought you were scared of the distance, but told you I was willing to travel

but you played judge and jury, I got no say before you dropped the gavel

you gave up on me, on yourself, no longer had confidence in us

didn’t even wanna take the chance to work it out, where was the trust?

That I wouldn’t let you down, I was always going to stick around

But it was all so you could feel free running around town

I never wanted to hold you back, if we had communicated, u would of been free

But you wanted the easy way out, no confrontation since it was only me

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