Monthly Archives: March, 2013

Blessed with a Curse

Blessed with a Curse

So I rehearse for the worse

Practice what I preach

But through the Lord I will teach

And I will learn

To live for the blessings that aren’t just given, but earned

 

I’ve been blessed with a heart that does nothing but love

Filled with a passion that comes from above

No hate, no greed, been blessed with all I need

But I’m only human, so I shed tears and yes, I do bleed

Then sometimes I feel that I’m much more

One of the few able to walk through the Lord’s front door

I think of it as more than a blessing, it’s a curse

With no one to relate to, some think it’s the worst

But it doesn’t bother me cause I put the Lord first

So I know that everything will be ok

Cause I continue to pray, asking him to guide the way

Day by day, with each one I learn a new lesson

Close my eyes and thank him for every last blessing

Though I may not deserve it, it serves a purpose

Like the blessing and curse that lays in my chest

It’s the strength of my faith, and my life is the test

 

It felt like I was brought down from heaven

To live a life of hell, but it turned out well

Everyday I used to pray for the Lord to take me away

Cause I’m so tired of the suffering, but I know it’s to teach me

Define me, and prepare me for the worst

For I am the one to be blessed with the curse

It makes me stronger no matter how hard the devil tries

My soul will never die, and I refuse to fall under

The starving pressure arises, but I still resist the hunger

I’ve been overshadowed by darkness my whole life

Asked myself will I ever be able to see the light

And with such corruption, when will it all be right

I’m constantly provoked, judged by actions of another man

When all my wrongs has just been being who I am

So I close my eyes, shake my head, and try to hold on

As my blessing and curse continue to grow strong

 

I’ve seen things no other eyes have seen

And those nights, the Lord speaks to me in my dream

And I’m able to respond through a spiritual bond

I’ve seen a sky only seen every hundred years

I’ve seen the world end, but still I have no fears

Witnessed revelations, but have also seen the world rebuilt

With all the good people, where all is equal

And I ask myself why do I see these things

Are these meant to be signs of what is to come?

Or is it simply to tell me I’m more than one of God’s sons

It’s a great feeling, but something I try to hide

But I know I always have an angel by my side

Feelings that I get let me know I’m blessed for the best

And this curse, is it only meant to prevent the worse?

I’m able to see the truths others don’t see, so I’m careful how I use it

It’s my blessing and curse, it’s my life, so I’ll never lose it

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Potential

waiting on your heartbeat
u can feel that mine is racing
as I sit here contemplating
when will I get the chance
to love you the best way I can
unconditionally, none that compares to any other man
I’m not afraid of you, or what you can do to my heart
I have nothing to lose but for us not to have a start
I won’t give up until you tell me to stop
never lose hope in you, no babe, I will not
they might say I’m crazy, so maybe I am
crazy about you, but I know I am the right man
and I want to show you that
give you a reason to never look back
I wanna take care of you, mind, body & soul
please you in every way possible, it’ll never get old

let’s not play games, let’s not pretend
you know we should be much more than friends
babe, take my hand and let’s see where we go
cause we have nothing short of potential

probably think I’m a fool
I chose a terrible time to fall for you
but I can’t fight it, and I’m bad at hiding it
cause I might not even be trying
but why would I, there’s no denying
abundance of reasons you keep supplying
how could I not want you in my arms
don’t know what other guys you talking to
but its time you experience something new
cause they don’t know how to pursue
a beautiful woman such as you
they just a waste of your time
and keeping you from me
they must be outta their mind
these guys are nothing more than a joke
when it comes time to step it up, they choke
they can try, but I’m gonna fight for u
to be the one to stay up all night with u

my appetite craves for you, no other woman on my mind
we can take it slow, no one’s running away with your time
I’m turned on by every fine detail of your body
I want to explore it all, be a little naughty
getting to know you is my new favorite hobby
at the same time, I wanna get inside your mind
let you inside mine, and see what you find
I just want to be relevant in your thoughts
I don’t know what I’m walking into but I wanna be caught
uncover the mystery of one another that don’t show
create history together and let everyone know
that there’s no contest when it comes to the best
it’s all you get when you deserve nothing less

City of Women (Sitting Pretty)

I’m sitting spiffy in a city of women
pretty women, a pool to swim in
pussy galore, right outside my door
but this isn’t what I’m looking for
I want the real deal
the woman who can make me feel
give meaning to my heart ache, my heart break
not a diluted version of something that’s fake
trial and error, but how many trials does it take?
is it me or them that keeps making the same mistake?

(Chorus):got them thirsty women in the city, and they all sitting pretty
but they know to move to the side cause they ain’t getting with me
See I got my sights set on the right one, a good woman, who’s good fun
knows what she wants, someone not afraid of a good thing
it’s a matter of time, I will be hers and she will be mine, until then I sing…
got them thirsty women in the city, and they all sitting pretty
but they know to move to the side cause they ain’t getting with me

See, I’m some sort of romantic
but the women of my city can’t stand it
ahead of my time, too mature in the mind
they say an eligible bachelor is not suppose to have respect
I was suppose to live a life with tons of regret
so I can be their porn star with stories to share
and fuck them on the 1st night without a care
I’m just not that guy, I won’t even try to be that
cause one day I will receive what I give back
I’m not perfect, I’m flawed, I’m tarnished
but there’s more than my looks, I’m not garnish
too bad for my own good, but still harmless

Maybe I’m just from a different era
or is it that my parents taught me better
I like working towards the good things in my life
I’d fight the world for the hand of my future wife
but there’s a price to pay for being selective
a burden to leaving those desires neglected
for not wanting to bone every woman I bring home
for understanding what it takes to be alone
I’ve been the right man with the wrong timing
but time is irrelevant when you start shining
then all the pretty women come out whining
saying that there are no good men left
they had two ways to go and they always go left
but ladies, I’m on my way to something great
Bachelor on the move with plenty to celebrate

NY Thug Style(Explicit)

We fuck them broads on Broadway

Don’t care what people say, we do it all day

Get sprayed if you come down the wrong way

In a city where we hustle and hustle harder

Where we rob and become professional robbers

If we in trouble, we switch up our identities

But we straight up tell a girl if we like them titties

In a place where we run the streets with dogs by our sides

Challenge other New Yorkers if you look them in their eyes

We don’t fear shit, all we got is pride

U don’t get by us, we don’t let shit slide

Y’all think you quick, but we know we quicker

Y’all can only handle the malt, we rock the liquor

We mean business, we don’t speak shit, we street strict

Whatever you do, don’t mistake us for soft

As long as I’m living, New York will never fall off

 

My City is my city, NY City

Streets stay gritty, in Empire city

Thug style straight outta New York

Every fucking city comes up too short

BX, from concrete I was grown

My throne resides in the place I call home

 

We rock to the right and lean to the left

We blast the music until your ass go deaf

Don’t ask, niggas already know how we do

Bad drivers, cab drivers, that’s how we get through

With the gritty street sound, that’s we get around

Making stupid niggas look like fucking clown

Stepping up big time on niggas city blocks

Like how we rep with out rocks rocking rocks

Nonstop, so please don’t try to stop us

We outta control, nobody can top us

Trigger-happy cause we grew up on cops and robbers

We like all the attention, call us the show-stoppers

The best booty knockers, best bed rockers

We so bad, we stuff teachers in kids lockers

We so damn cocky, we play and shake you like maracas

 

Our bitches got to be the best, top of the line

Got to have potential, worth more than a fucking dime

We don’t need manners cause we got self-respect

Fuck with us and don’t question why you get what you get

We follow a NY system so better get used to it

You useless bitch, damn right I said you useless bitch

We give y’all fake niggas something real to fear

We’ll kick your ass at your mom’s funeral, we don’t care

We rise to the test, One last note before I digress

Digest it that you’re fucking with the best

X is the king, and I’m next in line for the throne

Grand champ of lyrics and I’m taking it home

Goodbye my Dreamer

I would have been a fool if I never told u how I felt

But I laid down all my cards, the hand has been dealt

Now I feel like a fool to have taken that risk

To settle that our last kiss was our final kiss

Cause now I have to let go of the little hope I was holding on to

That one day there would be more to us than me and u

The most difficult thing I’ve had to admit to myself

Is that one day you’ll love somebody else

Though u never gave love a chance when it came to me

You now find the courage with someone else to make love be

I paid for his mistakes though you will never admit it

I was just a job, First sign of flaws in the relationship and u just quit it

I will always have love for u for putting me on top of the world

Making me stronger than ever and being faithful as my girl

I could never hate you, but don’t think I can stick around

For years now I’ve been in repair from the ground up, but I’m still at the ground

 

I can’t bare to face her once I’ve been replaced

I’ve failed her, I’ve failed myself, such disgrace

Please tell my love, if you ever see her

I’m so sorry, goodbye my dreamer

 

I hold on to memories that I should let fade into the darkness

But I can’t let go of them, they are my reasons not to be heartless

I used to look at our picture every day and wonder when I should take it down

But I couldn’t bring myself to do it, cause when I’m lost, it helps me feel found

I keep you in my thoughts, knowing the damage that I’m doing to my self

But I can’t get you outta my head, I see your reflection in everyone else

I still try to make you happy, knowing that it will always lead to nothing

But I do it to give myself the satisfaction of knowing, to you, I mean something

You had the best of me, and I don’t think you ever knew

The lengths and depths that I was willing to go for you

The time and the amount of effort you were really worth to me

You undervalued yourself, it was infinite, but I couldn’t count on u to see

I thought we were going somewhere, thought we had the same destination

But there was no effort, I was working at it while you were on vacation

You tell me I’m perfect, but I’m still not the man you desire

I wasn’t worth it, you couldn’t stand the heat from the fire

Feeling the pain of rejection time and time again

And still you expect me to settle having you as just a friend

No my dear, this is where just a friend has to end

 

Who do we think we’re fooling dragging this along

You broke my heart, but I will never say that you were wrong

You did what was best for yourself and I respect that

Gave me what no one else did, so I won’t forget that

But we’ve grown apart, we are not the same people we once knew

You hid from the facts and refuse to acknowledge what is true

We both changed, I’m a better version of my former self, what about you?

You were a life experience and now just another memory

We are no longer more than the friends we pretend to be

I’ve tried so many times to convince you to be mine

But I’ve finally learned to let go after all this time

This is where we part ways

With one last thing to say, Goodbye my dreamer

Pebbles

I’m walking down the road kicking the pebbles at my feet
head down, hands in my pockets as my knees feel weak
I’m feeling depleted, desolate and defeated
I’ve lost in a competition in which I never competed

Something we once related to is that feeling of helplessness
pray to God for guidance then later ask. What kind of help is this?
I’m living a life that is meant to satisfy my soul
but I get older and older not reaching my goal
with no where to go, but everywhere that I want to be
can’t make up my mind, same decision that haunts you, haunts me
I’m the catalyst propelling everyone forward but myself
you and I are just two cowards living in a shell
and occasionally I take to the streets to raise a little hell
I stand tall and confident, proud of my accomplishments
but humbled in my heart so I do repent
to avoid a future filled with resentment
we are all His children, so let’s stop pretending
competing with one another, belittling our younger brothers
we believe we are greater than the sum of our parts
but you bleed the same blood that is pumped through their hearts

I’m kicking rocks down the road because my story is untold
not liking the hand you’re dealt, so you’re ready to fold
giving up everything you work for, all the progress you hurt for
a pessimist is disguise, pain in your eyes hidden behind close doors
want peace in your life, but always signing up for war
everything always has to be either this way or that way
but you are scared to move forward because you always take the back way
confrontation is not up you alley, so digress before you have to speak words
you are not in distress, I can’t hear you if you don’t speak those words
ask for help, don’t be too proud to do what’s good for yourself
we walk a lonely road standing right next to each other
but we can’t see each other, we’re just ghosts invading the air
I won’t take your hand until you show that you care
until you accept that its ok for someone to be there
a truth unwilling to embrace since you was a kid
leading you to take the path that you did

we were brothers walking on two different tracks
but through the rough times, you always had my back
I spend my whole life trying to repay that favor
but I am only a friend, I cannot be your savior
The gravel in our voices is from the dark times we been through
I learned to let go, but you kept that darkness within you
I’m far from perfect, but at least I try to do better
it’s been a cold and damp path, but your road only gets wetter
we struggle with ourselves, battling a culture we’ve been enslaved to
I prove that I’m different, letting all the stereotypes phase through
I was a role model, what happened to me? what happened to you?
we had dreams, but for some reason you didn’t follow though
life showed us that it could go one of two ways, and still today
I know this world wears and tears on us, so for us I pray
we were born boulders, something for this world to revel
only to grow apart and become insignificant as pebbles

Hero Undone

I’m sorry my love, my dear, I am not the one
we had something special, but our time together is done
not your soul mate, you’re right I was too good to be true
but there will be someone better suited for you
you will learn to hate me, it’s just a matter of time
I had your heart, but you never had mine
and I should be feeling guilty, but I don’t
I could apologize for my departure, but I won’t
we both made mistakes, don’t forget that
now you want me and I don’t want you back
I can’t save you from the misery of this world
I really want to, but that right is reserved for my lady, my girl
you lost me, I didn’t lose you, not something I’m used to
but I did care, no questioning whether or not I used you

It seems like I abandoned you in your time of need
but your sorrow brought greed and you bite the hand that feeds
maybe it was pity that kept me around for so long
if that’s the case, then I’m sorry, I was so wrong
I should of moved on, but I found your struggle so appealing
you venting your pain to me, so revealing, so thrilling
destroyed my own heart, I’m responsible for the killing
it saddens me to see you fail over and over again
I want nothing more this moment, than to help you my friend
but a part of me wonders if you think this is karma
you can be so cold and hurtful, yet you wouldn’t harm a fly
I’m not trying to hurt you, but some part of you has to be asking why
you believe people get what they have coming when they do wrong
so with you, why would there be a different song, but be strong
my dear someone in this world will make it all clear

I overestimated the impact my interference could have on you
and some part of me hates that I still think you are so beautiful
thought I could be your hero, I tried for way too long
I can’t guide you but I know your road to recovery is so wrong
you are lost and confused, I won’t lie, my ego is amused
but my once broken heart still remains bruised
guess it’s a soft spot for you, for me it’s real bad news
cause no matter how much I want you, it’s not you I will choose
I’ve broken enough rules, and paid all my dues
so I won’t torture myself lusting over you
not when we failed when there was love to pursue
you will find your happiness, hopefully not in a dark place
I will find mine, but I first must forget your face
tell everyone that you were once again the victim of a bad man
we’ve reached the moment where I no longer will extend my hand
I’m no longer here to aid you, If I could, I still won’t save you
just a fantasy, you are nothing more, but nothing less
a collection of porn streaming in my head
only existing when I lose consciousness in my bed

I won’t be there when you need me, not anymore
Not the right guy, not who you’re looking for
we had our run, I’m just not the right one
everything I am is your hero undone

Mirror Me

I look in your eyes and see how much you resent me
giving that lost gaze that makes me feel empty
a weakened version of the Lord’s reflection
losing my way and begging for direction
I know who I am and that’s the price I pay
been on my own path for so long, to this world I’m a stray
I am not them, the stereotypical demographic
I cannot win, repeating my own bad habits
never seeing my true face, so how can I face myself?
living in disgrace from the lies I tell
to protect those that I feel are less accountable
just to hear the words, “we count on you”
I was a role model, before they really knew me
and now its their hate that fuels me
you see me as a vacant and hollow shell
void of emotion and destined for hell

you don’t need a mirror to see me
there is no choice but for you to be me
trapped being your counterpart for eternity
release and free me, your failures don’t concern me
I don’t need this, it’s you who yearns to be me
I’m not at fault for you feeling so empty
I am the true self, no one else is you
no one sees the real me but you
I’m your shadow, I’m your reflection
I’m what’s missing when you’re lost of direction
I’m voicing your thoughts, when I speak, you listen
not poison to your heart, just a victim in your prison
your un-doing will be the day that I’m done
you know you only exist because I exist
now tell me that ignorance isn’t bliss
the defeat you are never willing to accept
making calculated moves to have no regrets
your obsession with time is an obsession of mine
I am the reason you don’t swear, the reason you don’t care
but do it all for them at the same time
please their heart, but fuck with their mind
you are everything that I want you to be
and I am all those things because you are me

There is always room to improve who I am
but that doesn’t mean I’m anything short of a good man
it’s right to say I am you and you are me
but understand, I am the man that I want to be
I make my decisions well aware of the consequences
I’m don’t bow down to obstacles, I climb the tall fences
Look in my eyes, challenge me to what you choose
if I don’t accept it, it’s not because I’m afraid to lose
Only to the Lord and myself do I ever have something to prove
my life is not something to play with, to me its not a game
I’ve seen too much in myself, haunted by the persistent pain
I am my harshest critic, so before you judge me, take a ticket
wait in line til it’s your time to experience the curse that I’m blessed with
they think of me as a monster, maybe it’s my reflection that’s aggressive
but I’m a beast in my own right, so the pureness in my heart is not to be tested
I am who I am and everything you want me to be, your sins reflected

mirror me and see what I see
walk in my shoes, stand beside me
do as I do, share my pain
face your reflection and never look at me the same

Broken Bones

My heart is heavy, I’m weary, I’m tired of fighting

But I won’t give up, I’m the shark outta water still biting

I aint putting up with shit, been there too many times before

Still I never quit, always suited up and ready for war

But this is just a battle in a thing we call heartbreak warfare

I’m fighting for my love, but my love don’t care

Now I’m fighting for myself cause I have no one else

So I’m all alone jus battling to get back to a home where I got nothing

Trying to find my purpose, let me know I’m fighting for something

Looking for direction, cause I can no longer bare to see my reflection

I don’t recognize myself anymore, I’ve lost my way and walked through the wrong door

I put a gun to my head, but I’m not suicidal, just know things would be simpler if I was dead

But I refuse to take the easy way out, without a doubt

I know I got somewhere to be and a duty to fulfill

And I won’t stand down, to prey upon failure, I’m moving in for the kill

People can sit back and watch shit happen, but I refuse to stand still

 

It’s like they don’t want me here, I’m not what they like to see

It has something to do with the fear, fear of me because I’m not what they want me to be

Cause I have the willpower and confidence that can’t be broken

I silence all critics with the quiet noise that has been spoken by me

Can’t they see that I’m not as feeble and weak as they thought me to be

I’m determined and dedicated to living my life and getting the job done

They must be medicated to think that they can win what I already won

There is always doubt about me in the mind of countless others

And sometimes I admit I wanna say fuck it, why bother

But instead I say fuck them, I refuse to give in to nonbelievers

Debating whether they are on my level or better, its neither

Lack of security is why they comparing themselves to me and then denying it

But they’ll receive confidence being filled with lies, guess what, I’m supplying it

Let them believe what they want, its envy that’s fueling their words

Cause on the inside, the truth makes them feel like shit, they’re turds

 

I don’t give a fuck what they say, but if they wanna play I’m ready to play

I’m a killer like tobacco, real anal like an asshole

My shit gotta be perfect, cause anything less just ain’t worth it

If they think they can touch me, bitches got it twisted

Already made my point, but bet their slow ass missed it

I’m not who they thought I was, now they know I’m better

I’m hotter and cooler than they can ever be, southern cali weather

They think they scratched the surface, but I’m untouchable

my lyrics practice celibacy, so I know their unfuckable

I’ve been a broken man with a broken soul, but that don’t stop me

Make sure my life has quality, no time to be sloppy

Bandages on the wounds called the lessons I’ve learned

No doubt in myself or the credentials I’ve earned

 

My bones may break, but they heal with time

Today’s not my day, but one day will be mine

I’m will pave the path that takes me home

Then I’ll finally rest these broken bones

Sober October

I gave you the impression that I would never fail
but every time I get close, winds change and you set sail
that one October, we both knew what hadn’t begun was over
no longer on that summer high, we’ve returned to sober

when you’re ill it makes me sick to my stomach
cause I can’t stomach it, the fact I can’t do shit
to make it all right, to make it all better
no matter how hard I try, I can’t change the weather
you scare me every time you talk about leaving
I become so hollow with a heart that keeps bleeding
its tough to swallow that this might be our last meeting
cause I know we will never cross paths again
you knew I was never going to become more than a friend
yet you strung me along, when I gave you the chance to bail
I wasn’t giving up, I’m not one to fail
but I pin it on me and the terrible timing
I’m not gonna give you that bullshit whining
that doesn’t make a difference, the pain of a guilt trip
but don’t blame me in hopes that this will ease it

I spent so much time thinking what you do isn’t fair
but I’m the one at fault for taking the time to care
you never asked for me to walk into your life
and you never asked that I make a single sacrifice
so how selfish could I really be
to want you for me, and expect you to want me for me
my expectations did not align with reality
and now I’m beginning to feel the gravity
of the situation that I now am facing
too many hours a day, I sit there contemplating
my next move, give up or continue to pursue
give it all or stick to what I’m used to
nothing I do seems to make a difference
its a helpless feeling, like what is this?
that I put myself through, to have a shot
just to get close to you though I will not

I’ve given my best, but I still feel defeated
trying to remain persistent, but I’m depleted
I hate the thought of giving up on what I haven’t achieved
but if you had a sign, I’m sure it would read
“give up now, do not proceed…
you are not what I want, not what I need”
If only you knew how much you meant to me
maybe you would of taken more interest in my identity
its funny how I over-complicate such a simple thing
but I didn’t want to settle with just a summer fling
so I held on, even when you left for long periods of time
thinking I’ve done my part, so soon I’ll get mine
but you only found more time to be busy with work
I understood, but some part of you had to know how much it hurt
after several months, just an ounce of your attention would of held me over
but that high is over and here I am sober in October

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