Monthly Archives: August, 2013

Gratitude For Sale

If they’re willing to pay

then you’re willing to play

sounds like prostitution

but it’s written in your constitution

branded in your system of beliefs

that if you do as they want

you’ll receive gratitude for your grief

but maybe you’re just not worth it

your status is beneath the money they worship

but no reason to mind giving them that time

if it means you’ll be richer by about a dime

flashbacks to the day you removed your spine

so that it’s easier for people to walk all over you

no backing out of doing what they want you to

 

Anything for a quick fix

even willing to make yourself sick

for some gratitude

they’re selling, you’re buying

as long as they’re supplying

you’ll never fail getting gratitude for sale

 

Thank you, thank you, they’re far too kind

or not, maybe you’re just far too blind

you give just to get something in return

taught not to play with fire, but you love the way it burns

so you find yourself in trouble frequently

surrounded by people with no decency

but you are no better, yourself

you expect something from everyone else

whether it’s gratitude or pity

because for them, you make yourself pretty

you make so many sacrifices

and it’s wrong if people don’t recognize this

you are everyone’s favorite power tool

it takes no effort for them to get the best of you

 

Keep doing what you do

they see nothing special about you

just plotting what move to make next

to capitalize on that naive organ in your chest

don’t know who you are trying to impress

burning yourself out

because you don’t know how to be without

50 best friends, 47 who pretend

but it’s all a numbers game

buying and selling affection with no shame

 

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Can’t Give You Up

you’re so worried you’ll lose your friends

but you will lose me in the process

because we can’t make mends

why are you so scared?

why are you worried?

after all of these years

don”t you think we would be prepared

why can’t we commit?

why do we bullshit?

we have so much chemistry after so many years

our relationship is not that of our peers

but if you choose me

you lose them?

why is this our current situation?

 

Think by treating me the same as everyone else

you are protecting yourself

I’m not just another friend in your life

so don’t think that’s what is right

or is that you can never love me?

something about me is so ugly?

are you just kind for kindness sake?

is any of this real or is it all fake?

tell me failure is not our fate

we are so loving and playful

so why can’t I date you?

do you hate me? or do you hate you?

do I lack depth?

is it our time together, you still regret?

or am I not tall enough? what is it?

can I call your bluff?

cause there’s no reason it should be so tough

not when we mean so much

 

you’re going to lose me if you don’t choose me

we both know that this day was coming

can’t forever chase a heart that keeps running…

 

so return to me

or just murder me

cause I don’t want to live without you

I can’t face a world without you in it

not for one minute

not without you in it

our time, maybe you can, but I can’t forget

so I can’t give you up yet

without giving up on everything else

without losing myself

No Friend of Mine

ok so I give you my time

and you decide to play with it

I’m sorry, I can’t hear what you’re saying

your mouth seems to be so full of shit

and all I hear from you are excuses

I should of known trusting you was useless

but I thought how many time could one person do this

there’s an undeniable trend of you being an up and down friend

but you have nothing to lose so why the fuck pretend

and why waste both our time

knowing you can’t make up your damn mind

 

I called you out and you called my bluff

but there comes a time when I’ve had enough

make me out to be a fool

I don’t have time for people like you

No respect or regard towards my time

qualities found in no friend of mine

 

Inconsistency doesn’t bode well with me

and you preach the same relentlessly

but you are a contradiction to all you desire

you are the gas, match, and flame that cause the fire

that pain you feel burning in your heart

wondering why all your friendships dissolve and fall apart

for once in your life, blame yourself

this time you can’t look to anyone else

your days of playing victim are over

all those high on you, have now become sober

you’ve loss any ounce of favoritism

all truths told by you have now become fiction

an incomplete memory, a bad taste in my mouth

something, someone I can always do without

 

second chances are nothing new

but there’s been 4th, 5th, 6th chances for you

you get upset when people waste your time

but find entertainment value in messing with mine

you play the same games you blast others for

finally I’ve learned how to say “no more”

it was a process and it may have taken a while

but I now can separate a woman from a child

all you do is whine, cry, and complain

epitomizing hypocrisy, it’s a shame

but you will deflect blame, curse my name

because you don’t understand the concept of wrong

it’s unfortunate, I thought your values were so strong

but not once did you apologize

for all the deception and lies

and it will be you who thinks you wrote me off

but think about it… I just literally wrote you off

 

My Eminem Days

I used to be a hard-headed motherfucker

naive but not to be confused as a sucker

X, Pac, Em…

yeah I used to write like them

hardcore lyrics, so sure I was the illest

brush off all opposition, with a “yeah Imma kill this”

no mercy for those who oppose me

no patience for those who think they can control me

I’m not your man, not your nigga, not your homie

It’s just me, myself, I and my maker in the sky

I was isolated, overlooked like the lone ranger

but I’m all over the place, code name Carlos Danger

I didn’t live the life half these rappers did

but they couldn’t help but give credit to this kid

well ahead of my time, aggressive and raw

called the black Eminem before I stood 5 feet tall

 

I figured the more I swear

the more I instill fear

cause fear was a form of power

I grew up a patch kid, a little sour

and by saying “fuck, shit, damn”

that made me the fucking man

and that’s just the short list of ways

of how I thought back in my Eminem days

 

X was my favorite, all his shit was real

it was like, “man, he’s the fucking deal”

I emulated his style for so long

it helped develop my lyrics to something strong

I knew every single word to every single song

at some point, sure my mom thought I was too far gone

I was stupid and reckless, trying to live up to a checklist

of reasons to qualify for the way that I wrote

just to make sure I was never taken for a joke

but I never accepted feeling that I was a fraud

I knew I was talented, gifted thanks to God

and I was able to relate to everyone’s pain

put it in writing and that’s how I made a name

my ability to write about anything was my claim to fame

from then on I began forming my own identity

I could be every rapper, but none of them could be me

 

It’s been 12 years since I first started

so much has changed, so many people parted

my musical taste isn’t nearly the same

now have a career that doesn’t involve chasing fame

I’ve learned from my past to always keep it real

so every new lyric has some ounce of how I feel

I don’t swear nearly as much or at all in some hits

but I’m still not the man you want to mess with

I’m still on another level, can’t contest my shit

yeah It’s a contradiction to say I don’t fucking swear in my rhyme

but I don’t give a fuck if that’s how you spend your time

checking up on me and trying to expose my flaws

my drive and potential smashes through all walls

cause I’m a master at saying what I want to say

to convey any thought that comes across my way…

one thing to remember before I finish

lyrics are my art, music my passion

if this is what I can do in under 5 minutes

give me my lifetime and see what happens

 

Not Your Everyday Man

Why am I so caught up in a world that doesn’t notice me?

single, no girl, but future desire for a family

quiet and reserved, but still like the attention

disciplined, but never through detention

I work hard for all that I desire

no one knows what fuels my fire

I just keep burning, with no signs of letting up

not easily phased, sometimes I just don’t give a fuck

easily annoyed, but others see me as patient

they just haven’t been in my way yet

cross me and expect all the shit you get

I keep to myself to avoid conflict

cause with me, they don’t want it

 

I’m not a guy’s guy

or a ladies man

I am not a leader

I am not a follower

I’m someone’s son

someone’s brother

I am what I am

not your everyday man

 

people say I don’t talk enough

but I think they talk too much

I take my time, never in a rush

never in a rush

so don’t rush me

I’m not touchy, but don’t touch me

don’t want to invade my personal space

I’ll make sure you reconsider that mistake

got a reputation for always being punctual

so don’t mess with my time

I don’t waste yours, so don’t fuck with mine

I know where I want to be

and I know how to get there

anyone can stand against me

but I’m driven so I don’t care

second guess me?…don’t you dare

 

I’m a passive asshole

sarcastic, but always rational

I make a lot of sense

even when I don’t make sense

I don’t fake, I don’t pretend

I’m blunt, but people can’t handle that

they ask for the truth, but then can’t give it back

I’ve loss my filter over the years

as I became more comfortable around my peers

or maybe I just no longer care what others think

because so much of it never makes sense

contradictions to everything they represent

but at the same time I’m a nice guy

don’t ask why…I’m just what I am

 

The Version of You Meant for Me

Here I am knocking on a door
that doesn’t open anymore
not for me at least
I’m not someone you have time for
even when I need you the most
I can’t even get close
I can’t have your time, your attention
there’s no retention of my problems
in your mind, it’s like you mind
they’re not your problems, they’re mine
so why would you solve them?
even though you are more than capable
but it’s my fault I ever put faith in you

You said you would be there for me
you could be my therapy
but now I begin to see
as I stand here feeling empty
you will never have time to be
the version of you meant for me

I’ve always been patient with you
always coming to your rescue
making myself available
even those times it took a week or two
knowing that one day you would do the same
you would sense my pain and call out my name
tell me everything would be ok
but here we are today
where I struggle, everything’s not ok
but the only words that you say
are to tell me that you’re tired and out of it
with an “I’m sorry” to seem compassionate
never asking how I am doing
because only your life can be in ruin
but this has always been the trend with you
this is what it means to depend on you

You spread yourself thin to please everyone, but you
then neglect the one who really loves you
when it really matters, you can’t come through
how can I continue to trust you?
my faith in you is beginning to wane
my words hurt, but now maybe you can feel my pain
you’ve proven to be, you’ve proven it to me
that you were nothing but all talk, all lies
but you will never catch a tear from these eyes
because I can’t lose something I never had
I can’t let go of something I never had a hold of
there will be a day when things get bad
and you seek my comfort through a door that you closed off

Everybody’s Fool

We lie to fit in
but still never do
when you want attention
it feels like no one notices you
you just want to belong
where did you go wrong?
to become such an outcast
amongst a cast of friends
why do you pretend?
that the pain will end
if you do nothing about it
you don’t need this pain
but what will you do without it?

seeking comfort in the shadows you mimic
to endorse a universal gimmick
becoming everybody’s fool
losing yourself
being anyone else but yourself

such a contradiction
abandon your conviction
morals and goals
why don’t you sell you soul?
heading down a path you don’t like
because you are too kind, too polite
don’t know how to be your own person
and you rather watch your situation worsen
than to do what’s best for yourself
doing for others, but can’t help yourself
and who’s gonna feel pity
when it’s you that made your life shitty

your kindness isn’t taken for your weakness
it’s your naivety that makes no sense
there’s no pity on the situations
you continue to put yourself in
something about you is so obscure
why don’t you allow yourself to be more?
you have no display of values
have no personality to add to
just so you can remain relevant
still don’t know what ideals you represent
so continue being everybody’s tool
used on the regular
be everybody’s fool
until you get it together

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