Monthly Archives: December, 2013

Lost Inside My Mind

forget everything I’ve said over the course of this year
I’m a defeated bitter old man my dear
aged too far beyond my years
lost in time, 1,000 years far too gone from any peers
I’ve said some hurtful things
knowing I would never let you in
you would never let me win
and losses are what I cut out of my life
free falling like my parachute was ripped by a knife
I’m too old to remember the existence of my soul
never have I felt so inclined to be cold
I can’t be helped, I don’t think so
save yourself while your blue blood still flows

always hit the ground running
the answers for my sins are coming
I’m haunted by thoughts of being unwanted
outside of my time, lost inside my mind
I’ve been abandoned by that soul of mine

I’m no longer living, and I’m not dead
I’m in a state of limbo instead
because time remembers the words I never said
and the scars from the chaos I once spread
it mocks me knowing I am its prey
as it consumes the fragile morals of man everyday
I have become its accomplice in order to feel accomplished
not proud of any misguided decision
but time is the warden of my prison
I’m forced to survive even after I thought I died
living a life with no one to live for
an insatiable hunger for purpose, something more
I have become a monster, I am a beast
and I will feast upon anything beneath me
knowing that no amount of anything can any longer complete me

I’m sorry for the wrong I’ve done and will do
everything I’ve once loved, I begin to hate too
cause it reminds me of my once imperfect human life
what it really meant to be alive before that inevitable night
I can’t age, I’m trapped with my sadness and rage
I’m locked in a cage with no walls or bars
just one window with hope out of reach, too far
my shadow mimics who I once was
everything I once did, it now does
it’s a crying shame, but if no one can help
what’s the point of crying in vain
afraid to face what drives me insane
how I became the man without a name
looking for answers riddled with questions
spending eternity learning the same lessons

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Empty Words

I tried to save your life but you followed them instead
now look at which one of us is dead
how could I ever get through to you
when you did the opposite of everything I asked you to
you will never know how much it hurts
I put in so much work
to protect you and to keep you healthy
but if I pushed harder, I knew you would resent me
I prayed and strayed away from my own path
to make sure you got everything you had
to guarantee that things never got too bad
if you were sick, made sure you had medicine
but some part of you still wouldn’t let me in
It was never my job to guide you
but i couldn’t sit and watch them misguide you
i tried to help, but my words were lies to you
or you were just in denial, cause my words were always true

Empty words falling on deaf ears
don’t give a fuck, no one cares
talking to an empty room
of those gone to soon
speaking on the lost years
of my misguided peers

I never knew how else to reach out
when in me, you had so much doubt
but never did it cross my mind to lead you awry
didn’t ever consider why I even try
I shouldn’t have to swear for you to hear
shouldn’t have to yell to get your attention
experience is an overrated lesson
sometimes you just got to trust me
but now you’re gone and I’m lonely
and I’m pissed at you and me both
because I couldn’t make a difference
and now I won’t

Now I feel like a fool cause my words carried no weight
so many led you wrong, but it’s you I must hate
cause it was your conscience decisions that dug your grave
the only person I’ve ever tried to save
and I couldn’t even get you to second guess your path
now thoughts of you only brings out my wrath
you completely ignored my advice for their stupidity
their ignorance never had to be yours
but if they countered me, you went with them of course
how am I suppose to feel? like shit? cause I do
realizing how little I really meant to you
that you would rebel against me like I was your enemy
that was never suppose to be the case
you fucked up, but I can no longer tell you to your face

Bitter Days

everyone thinks they know best
carry that feeling in their chest
that sense of entitlement
as some proudly represent
A bitter taste for life to start
bitter days for those empty at heart

God controls everything that goes on
until something goes wrong
then this wasn’t God’s design
this is not what they had in mind
how could things not go their way
they not having it, no way
so they take matters into their own hands
and it never goes as planned
looking for someone to blame
embarrassed and put to shame
so they try to deal another the same pain
seeking lightning over shelter in the rain

Forgetting what they have when it’s there
they want love, but don’t want to care
a contradiction to their convictions
an oxymoron for the clever moron
a paradox, they won’t go until time stops
progress is a foreign concept
that they all seem to neglect
no regard for the kindness to others
but still they demand respect
everything has to be the way they say
and God isn’t real if He doesn’t answer every word they pray

They hold bitterness and hatred
to issues so outdated
their struggle is theirs alone
thinking no one else can relate
the cast a dark cloud around those who hold them dear
then ask why friends can’t be found anywhere
they want pity when life starts feeling shitty
but are out of sight comes your bad night
hurting them still hurts you
even after everything they put you through
what more can you do?
hoping they would grow over time
for the hopeful, a lifetime to change
maybe one day something will change

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