Monthly Archives: November, 2015

Loyal to Myself

For so long I thought i had the answers for myself
I don’t
Use to convince myself I would be fine without help
I won’t
think the more I let get close, I would overdose on friendship
so if anyone posed a threat of exposing me, it ended
I kept myself well defended, always pretending
what I got was enough because I committed so little
but hated the feeling of playing second fiddle
make myself significant to those I wanted to mean something to
but didn’t know what I already meant, and to who
I heard everyone’s value and wanted to hear mine too
my worth was never verbally expressed
and I’m not one to settle for second best
so when the time came and it was put to the test
so common was I associated with fail
and I learned when it was time to bail

Dynamics change with every given situation
and I think about which archetype I’m replacing
or who I will eventually be replaced with
cause let’s face it, disaster strikes when I’m involved
I’m the riddle that has no means of being solved
since I never know when I have enough
and sometimes I give, take, say too much
or I sometimes say all the right things
knowing how to get under one’s skin
not knowing when to stop or where to begin
sometimes is hard to understand my position
or how you end up in the one I put you in

I’m lost just looking for a home
somewhere I won’t be alone
I’ll be trouble if you take me in
but that’s where life really begins
I’ll challenge you to do better
while remaining Ioyal to myself forever

I don’t want to compete for what I already have
or for the things I should of had
never has anything ever really been mine
not my life, my girl, my time
so I wander as I wonder where I belong
still unclaimed after so long
insecurely penciling the words to this song
reassurance is always in short supply
with an abundance of reasons to cry
making life harder than it needs to be
just to say life wasn’t easy for me
to relate to the suffering I can’t get through
to live the dreams I once never knew

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