Monthly Archives: February, 2017

Glass Elevator

You can see my rise and my fall
my affairs, a window that bares it all
my ascend and decline
you see what could be yours and try to take mine
just because my life is on full display
I see beyond the stars, no telescope
people have me under a microscope
waiting for the moment I choke
even being humble and accepting my flaws
they still want to strip me down of it all
everything I work for, everything I hurt for
I give it all and they still want more

there are those that wish me success
want to see me at my best
and then there are the rest
the ones that you least likely expect
friendships become more than friendly rivalries
they drown in the river of jealousy
and proclaim themselves my enemy
my greatest accomplishment are the bonds I’m able to form
the people I can count on to keep my interpretation of this world warm
I’ve been climbing from darkness since I was born
and the closer I get to finding my way out
the inconsistencies often fill me with doubt
sometimes it feels better to hide
being seen, not being seen
what do you do when neither feels right?

I don’t fear judgement, but I know it’s there
I feel the pressure, I feel their stares
I live in a glass elevator with mirrors reflecting back
but no one sees them-self, they just see the cracks

I’m an open book still judged by its cover
an innate ability to relate to another
I’ve built myself from the ground up as rubble
but I’m told I could never understand
I would never feel the pain of another man
because I don’t have qualifying struggles
I see a part of me in every friend, every enemy
I see their reflection, I feel their pain
I give a damn, even if I don’t know their name
but how many casting stones can say the same

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Lead Me Astray

I was wrong to think I was over you
just because I no longer wanted to get under you
I wanted you to be my mistake
and a part of me still wants you to
every time I do a double take
I realize the irony of every decision I make
I take the right roads to the wrong place
and everywhere I look, I see your face
with every answer I have, I still question fate

I sit across from someone who can’t match your wit
lacks your style, your confidence, and gives me shit
every time I push her to do better she breaks
she hesitates, crippled by anxiety to achieve more
I give so much of myself, sometimes I wonder “what for”
everything she does falls short of not doing anything
I fight every battle in a war I won’t win
personal growth is a foreign concept
to have you over her is no contest
when she speaks, I smile, but I know she can’t compete
I feel so cornered but I know I can’t cheat

point me in the right direction
lead me away, even if it leads me astray
away with you to pursue something new
I’ll never be satisfied until you satisfy me
if I ever lose my way, come find me

You were suppose to be there in wait
to make sure I did not make this mistake
now we’re in a state of limbo
in a time where we were both single
hard living in a reality of til death do us part
when you still have my heart
and now you’re considering taking that leap of faith
here’s to hoping you aren’t making my mistake
or maybe here’s to hoping you do
so that you see after it all, I’m the one for you

The One

I’m not a tyrant, I’m just disciplined
when something needs to be done, I’m the one
if I need to be somewhere, I’ll be there
on time and in my right mind
I’m a champion of self control
and a supporter of common sense
no indecision, no on the fence
I know what I want, but I have restraint
while others stupidity can’t be contained
my head remains subjectively sane
responsibility is in my nature
my morals and values don’t waiver

Everyone’s chasing a dream life
I’m staking the real thing
when everyone’s going for the win
I know that I’ve already won
I know that I’m the one…
the one I have to answer to
the one I pander to
the one I know I have to be
but not for anyone but me

If I’m moving forward, it’s the right direction
two steps back, decisive re-evaluation
deliberate hesitation to analyze the situation
if something is to be gained, it’s mine for the taking
I’ve made numerous mistakes, if I’m not mistaken
my heart beats, but it feels stone cold
I give and take what I need to reach my goal
I’m not a failure even if I don’t succeed
life lets me down, but still gives me what I need
I live beyond a day at a time
a see a future that I want to be mine
not a sense of entitlement, but a sense of purpose
hearing the term worthless could not be worth any less
because idiots can always compound words
but if I don’t listen, they never have to be heard

I have no bucket list, I will be content with the life I live
whether I see the world or just the universe
I know I did what I wanted, I lived
and I won’t do it all, but life could be worse
I’m a champion for not caving to the pressure
I tell myself “don’t be someone else for someone else
unless for you, that person brings out your best self”
I’m my own definition of a self improvement project
I can always learn more, do more, but what for?
I’m not an advocate for perfection, but resurrection
reinvention within the realm of my own imagination
I can and will live my life the way I intend it
even if I chose to amend it
I live for my own reasons, and will never resent it

No Win, Just Lose

you bring the drugs you sell into our home
I should let you be on your own
what if something happens when our daughter’s home
and the people you deal with didn’t like the hand they were dealt
pay you a visit at our home to show you how they really felt
would it really be worth all the profit you made
if you lose the people you were meant to save
you bring an inevitable danger into our home
and pretend that it affects you and you alone
family is suppose to look out for each other’s best interest
but your interest is in maintaining your business

 

I’m suppose to be ok with the company you keep
because to you, they are family, so to speak
and I should want to be guilty by association
without any consideration, there is no negotiation
it’s either I’m in or I’m not
but no matter what it brings, you won’t stop
you already suffered the consequence of their recklessness
and you still think whatever happens is for the best
they taught you how to abuse and use people
and think its ok because it’s not them but you who chose to
sure you pulled the trigger, but who taught you how to load the gun
then handed it to you and showed you where to point it
gave you permission to treat people like shit, my point is

 

In this business there is no win, just lose
watch loyalty to the family you choose
they got your back for as long as they claim you
but they’ll put you down if they can’t tame you

 

How much of your past is influenced by their presence
the evolution of your morals shaped by their lessons
a complete disregard of all the scars left on others
but none of it matters, because these are your brothers
the impact they have on society carries no weight in your eyes
because you will never see the tears their victims’ mothers cries
you won’t witness the blood in the streets where bodies lie
but you’re loyal to a fault, look the other way to avoid cutting ties
knowingly ignorant, pretending to be oblivious
when is enough, enough
you got a double standard for fam with no standards
you wan’t the world to be a better place
but it won’t until you accept the reality you face

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