Monthly Archives: October, 2018

Secondhand News

why am I always last to know
why do I always hear it from somebody else
when you can just tell me yourself
have you lost confidence in me and what you want
cause I used to be your top confidant
then something changed in a way I can’t explain
I fell to second, third place, then eventually out the race, entirely
why does it feel like you fired or retired me
despite always being in your corner quietly
loud when I needed to be, your critics couldn’t silence me
but you hit mute, I get radio silence. I don’t understand
I get the details about you from another man
who should know you better than you and I
I just want to know who, what and why

I used to be your right-hand man
now I’m your second mate, second rate,
second place backup plan
i’m no longer part of your life’s plan
I care but feel misunderstood, misused
everything I hear is secondhand news

what changed? my status, or is it yours, or is it ours
we used to keep each other informed, on the hour
but something’s changed, I just don’t get it
our history, I can’t begin to forget it
but I’m starting to regret it
all those times I confided, poured out my heart
thinking it would be reciprocated by you, my counterpart
but I’m starting to see through the facade
and I must applaud your efforts to make me believe I meant something
but I was the back up plan when everyone else gave you nothing
maybe there’s a bit a jealousy in me that’s talking
but I’ve invested too much to become a second option
I thought I had your respect, but respect devolved to neglect

You ask about me only when I walk away
and even then it still depends on the day
I miss the trust we used to have
through the seasons we had each other’s back
but now my winters become colder
my weekends become sober
the wind blows me to an island of solitude
I set sail the moment you bailed during our feud
the costs for you was high, but I didn’t mind the prices
on the other hand, I was just a tool to be used for your own devices
am I being dramatic or does everything feel so one-sided
I debated if I should say something or continue to hide it
I’m not sure anything at this point would make a difference
just got to move on and learn to reciprocate your indifference


The Evidence

I hate the way he looks at you and you look back
he smiles, you smile and I’m just in the back
back of your mind, not worth the same time
the way you touch hands like its planned
you used to make me feel special
now i see videos of you two on YouTube
everything now is about you two
we used to fight like lovebirds, but now I’m never heard
not even worth the time of day, zero frills
you say I got issues, but you have zero chill
switching up and constantly changing
no loyalty, I was just another play thing

the evidence is there, clear as day
it’s recess and the kids are out to play
but you stay behind, he stays behind
ignorance is bliss, but it’s not blind
you moved on and I thought we were timeless
but now you reject even the simplest of my kindness

I distract myself with other women
but who am I kidding
it’s always been you since the beginning
so many exes still have your number
waiting on a list that started last November
when you decided he was the one for you
when you said there was nothing I could do
maybe differently, but in as many words
words that I wanted to pretend that I never heard
I’ll always remember who you were to me
who, speaking honestly, you still continue to be
even with all the inconsistency, it’s all a mystery
I thought things would change through all the strife
I know it’s not right, but I still want you in my life
the desire never fades, love or lust, you’re a must have
I thought you were a fad, but you’re the past present and future I wish I had

Jealousy is a new feeling, I’m not used to it
but it’s my life now, don’t know what to do with it
I see you and I want to deny what I see
the joy in your eyes you never had with me
feel like a failure though I never had your favor
was I too abrasive, too much of a pushover
too young making you feel so much older
you gave me a run for my money
jump started my appetite then left me hungry
I questioned what I lacked right in the moment
but I’m just not the one, It’s about time I own it

House of M.

We built this relationship under false pretenses
for so long we have been pretending
that friendship was ever enough
you wanted my attention, I wanted your touch
flirting with an infatuation filled with lust
to have your mind, your body was a must
I’ve been honest from the start
but I’ve omitted the fact that you had my heart
we both had someone else at the time
but that carried little weight in our minds
we would complain to each other
an incidental comfort to one another
we talked all day and all night
we flowed so naturally, it felt right
more right, than anything before
you epitomized who I was looking for
while looking for an escape, I was your door
you would of been worth every last sin
my end all, be all…fin

Living life the way we intended
we should have never pretended
I was building my house of M.
now I’m buried under your house with them

every suggestion was suggestive
crossing lines, but neither of us protested
if anything we persisted
pushed to the brink of temptation
I accepted the idea of an affair without hesitation
Hera forgive me, but truth is the way
I would of thrown it all away, to this day
waiting for an opening to come
so that we can do what we never done
but that day never came and life is the same
different in ways we can’t go back on
but when I catch your scent I think back on
the times our eyes would meet
the days our happiness peaked
the smile that would make me weak
I just wish we were bold enough to leap

we would momentarily get a taste of our potential
the moments you let me close enough to know you
but we were always looking through a window
I opened up in a way I never knew I could
anyone who preceded you, they were no good
we entertained thoughts of being together
knowing dreams are dreams and reality is forever
we still grew attached, hoping the other would act
but life has been cruelly fortunate to us both
with another, we’ve each taken an oath
pulling us apart with success in opposite directions
but some part of us holds on hoping for our resurrection
cause we live forever in each other, just to die again
I’ll keep building houses until it’s you and I in the end…

give meaning to our house of M.

What Do I Do?

I was your groupie, your biggest fan
I let you use me, even not being your man
you were my oracle, my muse
so I guess I used you
all my success and fame
attached to your one name
my greatest works of art
all have a piece of your heart
under the influence of your mind
is how I spend most of my time
lusting for inspiration, you have my attention
falling for the flesh, can you feel the tension
this wasn’t suppose to happen, I’m a fool
doing the one thing I can’t undo
how did I fall in love with you?

so what am I without you?
where do I go, what do I do?
when you leave, what becomes of me
I need you like the world needs me

your eyes and smile captivate me
your body resuscitates everything I want to be
imagine what I can be to you if you allow me to
now I can’t stop thinking about you
one song turned to ten
10 turned to 20 and then…
there’s no end in sight, my mind dreams plenty
forever doesn’t intimidate me when it comes to you
I want to create something new with you
I fantasize about a different life when I look in your eyes
a life with you, I swear I tell no lies

I’m attached to your time
you distract me in every way, that’s fine
my mind is constantly trying to make you mine
cause if I had to choose
you would be much more than a muse
much more than my inspiration
more than any amount of motivation
you are my destination
at the beginning I had my reservations
but through thoughtful conversation
I loved your mind, no hesitation
thoughts of your body, my persuasion
you are everything, my reason for celebration

Friday Waves

100% sarcastic, but you only get me half the time
I’m rhyme and reason, but you only get the rhyme
and I wouldn’t have the patience for your condescension and sass
if you were half as fine with half the ass
but where we begin is where we end
here’s to everyone you’ve loved who isn’t me
celebration is in order for this irony
we can confidently say we are complimentary to one another
there is an inability to foresee a reality where we don’t have each other
there can’t be ramifications for the actions we never take
but there’s no solace in the mistakes we didn’t make
damn, if we didn’t hesitate, imagine the memories we could create

we go back and forth and back to it
I know your worth, that’s why I attack it
from the front to the back we’re at it again
just a friend, a means to an end
I’m just riding waves Monday to Friday
waiting for Friday to wave back my way

I want to keep you around but how do we do that?
scattered thoughts about you, how do we put it back?
sometimes I love you, sometimes I don’t want to
but I can’t let go or maybe I don’t want to
because if not me, then someone else will love you
but that someone will never touch you the way I do
so how can we move forward side-stepping the situation
how many scenarios I’ve gone through in contemplation
I don’t want to put you in this position to hate me
but I dwell on the times you said “take me”
I knew you would marry the next guy you dated
so why would I bother to meet the next guy I hated
I didn’t want to settle for 1st mate
2nd runner up, 3rd strike, I’m out of chances
I was illiterate seemingly missing all your advances

All I want to do is share one dance with you
love you harder than anyone else could
but I’m no good, I’ve never been good
and nothing I want could ever be, or ever would
time is everything, I don’t want to miss a minute
time stopped when I determined you lived within it
but it’s simply not enough
to have a life time wasted without your love
and I’m chillin in limbo riding the waves
for years upon weeks upon days
anticipating the nothing that follows
when you wait on something so hollow
just to face a reality that’s hard to swallow

Days We’ve Never Lived

you don’t dress to impress
but you always impress me
you have my eyes, you have my attention
my heart is always in your direction
I can’t escape the scent of your suggestion
I’m terrible at pretending
this feeling is never-ending
unaware of the signals I’m sending
humbled is my obsession for your attention
when I remember I’m not the one you call for
I’m not the type you would fall for

you got me taking risks
dreaming of days we’ve never lived, but still miss
that’s when we connected the most
that’s when we are undeniably close
if it were up to me
that would be our reality

what would you give up for me?
I know you can sense our chemistry
loving, supporting you with endless care
you are more than a job, you are my career
you tell me all the things you shouldn’t
thinking I wouldn’t want to act on them
you can go from fantasy to best friend
I want to love you full time
see what results from our unstable chemistry
but we know its elementary, simple in principle
clashing over our mutual attraction
hoping that one day something happens

I know once upon a time
I wanted to be yours, you wanted to be mine
an infatuation lost with time, but lingering is still a taste
no second thoughts to what we should of done in the first place
my biggest regret is not taking that leap of faith then and there
the time we spent together not caring when or where
the nights that could of lasted forever
what would we have created if we stayed the course?
but we extinguished our flame before it became a force
but even now embers of us still remain
our actions may now be, but our hearts still aren’t tamed

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