Editor’s Choice

you pour your heart out into your work
with desperation and no fear of being hurt
you lay it all out on the table
hoping in some way they connect and it saves them
in a way that someone else’s words saved you
you pray what you do is more than means to an end
but everyone pretends they care to comprehend
damned is the life you put in to your art
when it sits on a shelf but not in a cart
not stacked with the bestsellers but beneath them
so it goes overlooked like it has no meaning
underappreciated despite the difference it could make
a little too real to be honored with the popular

if it ain’t on a list
then it doesn’t mean shit
Editor’s choice is the law, the word
so your voice goes unheard
you go unnoticed, your work undeserving
no awards, no merit, so no one will hear it

everything you do is subject to review
where opinions become law
subjectivity determines if you rise or fall
your success rests in the hands of a man who doesn’t agree with you
he refuses to see the ways your art is beautiful
maybe there is a misinterpretation
his beauty isn’t what beauty means to you
you’re on the inside looking outside to your critics
they are on the outside and just don’t always get it
who do you have to pay, who do you have to stroke
just to be noticed enough to get a vote

It’s award season, but you weren’t nominated
were you not good enough to be appreciated
did you not work hard enough to be acknowledged
such confidence your work would of left them astonished
if only anyone had given it a chance
if the right critic has just taken a glance
your artistic vision wasn’t as good as his
although his audience were men, and yours kids
but everyone thinks they know best
and a decision was made, implying you are no better than the rest
an artist who thrives for mediocrity, working with no cares
cause we all thrive to have inferior work to our peers
you had the audacity to produce something with such inadequacy
but you keep fighting because it doesn’t have to end unhappily
when the time’s right, you’ll be king of your own academy

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The Only One

I work to, try to do better too
but this world won’t let me forget you
the many places that I’ve been
every reflection I see your face in
always was a part of me
my lover and my worst enemy
spiteful to me, yet full of empathy
twists my words so that I’m never heard
lay my head to rest each night
knowing we’ll just never get it right

and yet I love you so
don’t want you to go
cause you are the only one

do my best to keep you around
give you a ring, my key, my crown

I stay up all day and all night
I work, I put in work, I fight
I fight for no one, I fight for someone
I am lonesome, I am the only one
the sun no longer shines at my door
no, no, no, not anymore

I too many times played the fool
lost in my commitment to you
foolishly thinking I could of ever won
when every thing I did was wrong
if I ever expressed distress
I no longer received your best
I always pretended that I didn’t come second
and that we were equally each other’s blessing
I’m the knife in my own back
I’ve betrayed myself taking a look back
dragging my feet down your road
knowing it leads somewhere cold

Glass Elevator

You can see my rise and my fall
my affairs, a window that bares it all
my ascend and decline
you see what could be yours and try to take mine
just because my life is on full display
I see beyond the stars, no telescope
people have me under a microscope
waiting for the moment I choke
even being humble and accepting my flaws
they still want to strip me down of it all
everything I work for, everything I hurt for
I give it all and they still want more

there are those that wish me success
want to see me at my best
and then there are the rest
the ones that you least likely expect
friendships become more than friendly rivalries
they drown in the river of jealousy
and proclaim themselves my enemy
my greatest accomplishment are the bonds I’m able to form
the people I can count on to keep my interpretation of this world warm
I’ve been climbing from darkness since I was born
and the closer I get to finding my way out
the inconsistencies often fill me with doubt
sometimes it feels better to hide
being seen, not being seen
what do you do when neither feels right?

I don’t fear judgement, but I know it’s there
I feel the pressure, I feel their stares
I live in a glass elevator with mirrors reflecting back
but no one sees them-self, they just see the cracks

I’m an open book still judged by its cover
an innate ability to relate to another
I’ve built myself from the ground up as rubble
but I’m told I could never understand
I would never feel the pain of another man
because I don’t have qualifying struggles
I see a part of me in every friend, every enemy
I see their reflection, I feel their pain
I give a damn, even if I don’t know their name
but how many casting stones can say the same

Lead Me Astray

I was wrong to think I was over you
just because I no longer wanted to get under you
I wanted you to be my mistake
and a part of me still wants you to
every time I do a double take
I realize the irony of every decision I make
I take the right roads to the wrong place
and everywhere I look, I see your face
with every answer I have, I still question fate

I sit across from someone who can’t match your wit
lacks your style, your confidence, and gives me shit
every time I push her to do better she breaks
she hesitates, crippled by anxiety to achieve more
I give so much of myself, sometimes I wonder “what for”
everything she does falls short of not doing anything
I fight every battle in a war I won’t win
personal growth is a foreign concept
to have you over her is no contest
when she speaks, I smile, but I know she can’t compete
I feel so cornered but I know I can’t cheat

point me in the right direction
lead me away, even if it leads me astray
away with you to pursue something new
I’ll never be satisfied until you satisfy me
if I ever lose my way, come find me

You were suppose to be there in wait
to make sure I did not make this mistake
now we’re in a state of limbo
in a time where we were both single
hard living in a reality of til death do us part
when you still have my heart
and now you’re considering taking that leap of faith
here’s to hoping you aren’t making my mistake
or maybe here’s to hoping you do
so that you see after it all, I’m the one for you

The One

I’m not a tyrant, I’m just disciplined
when something needs to be done, I’m the one
if I need to be somewhere, I’ll be there
on time and in my right mind
I’m a champion of self control
and a supporter of common sense
no indecision, no on the fence
I know what I want, but I have restraint
while others stupidity can’t be contained
my head remains subjectively sane
responsibility is in my nature
my morals and values don’t waiver

Everyone’s chasing a dream life
I’m staking the real thing
when everyone’s going for the win
I know that I’ve already won
I know that I’m the one…
the one I have to answer to
the one I pander to
the one I know I have to be
but not for anyone but me

If I’m moving forward, it’s the right direction
two steps back, decisive re-evaluation
deliberate hesitation to analyze the situation
if something is to be gained, it’s mine for the taking
I’ve made numerous mistakes, if I’m not mistaken
my heart beats, but it feels stone cold
I give and take what I need to reach my goal
I’m not a failure even if I don’t succeed
life lets me down, but still gives me what I need
I live beyond a day at a time
a see a future that I want to be mine
not a sense of entitlement, but a sense of purpose
hearing the term worthless could not be worth any less
because idiots can always compound words
but if I don’t listen, they never have to be heard

I have no bucket list, I will be content with the life I live
whether I see the world or just the universe
I know I did what I wanted, I lived
and I won’t do it all, but life could be worse
I’m a champion for not caving to the pressure
I tell myself “don’t be someone else for someone else
unless for you, that person brings out your best self”
I’m my own definition of a self improvement project
I can always learn more, do more, but what for?
I’m not an advocate for perfection, but resurrection
reinvention within the realm of my own imagination
I can and will live my life the way I intend it
even if I chose to amend it
I live for my own reasons, and will never resent it

No Win, Just Lose

you bring the drugs you sell into our home
I should let you be on your own
what if something happens when our daughter’s home
and the people you deal with didn’t like the hand they were dealt
pay you a visit at our home to show you how they really felt
would it really be worth all the profit you made
if you lose the people you were meant to save
you bring an inevitable danger into our home
and pretend that it affects you and you alone
family is suppose to look out for each other’s best interest
but your interest is in maintaining your business

 

I’m suppose to be ok with the company you keep
because to you, they are family, so to speak
and I should want to be guilty by association
without any consideration, there is no negotiation
it’s either I’m in or I’m not
but no matter what it brings, you won’t stop
you already suffered the consequence of their recklessness
and you still think whatever happens is for the best
they taught you how to abuse and use people
and think its ok because it’s not them but you who chose to
sure you pulled the trigger, but who taught you how to load the gun
then handed it to you and showed you where to point it
gave you permission to treat people like shit, my point is

 

In this business there is no win, just lose
watch loyalty to the family you choose
they got your back for as long as they claim you
but they’ll put you down if they can’t tame you

 

How much of your past is influenced by their presence
the evolution of your morals shaped by their lessons
a complete disregard of all the scars left on others
but none of it matters, because these are your brothers
the impact they have on society carries no weight in your eyes
because you will never see the tears their victims’ mothers cries
you won’t witness the blood in the streets where bodies lie
but you’re loyal to a fault, look the other way to avoid cutting ties
knowingly ignorant, pretending to be oblivious
when is enough, enough
you got a double standard for fam with no standards
you wan’t the world to be a better place
but it won’t until you accept the reality you face

Too Good for You

we talk a little less than we used to
but maybe that’s because we need to
my heart speeds up when I see you
but we both know that shouldn’t be true
my breath is shallow, but sharp like a knife
why do you make me feel so alive?
is it because we had so many memories together
before you promised someone else your forever
we were always something and never knew it
time passed us by and we never pursued it

I was the jester and you played me like a fool
I was too good to you, too good for you
you were too right for me, too polite to see
that we can, will, and should never be

I get jealous when you laugh at him
we come in first place but it doesn’t mean I win
it’s funny how things work the way they do
how it hurts like this is all new
like I didn’t know you gave someone else your time
sharing intimate memories I thought were solely mine
you miss me only when it’s convenient for you
only when you can’t get it from him, you let me in
I thought we were close, but that was only my definition
obviously you had your own interpretation
I spent so much time waiting and I’m not sure why
hoping you were brave enough to try
to begin to admit that you would never quit me
but history shows you would leave me empty

I know we’re scared to be honest
so we lie to each other about ourselves
deny each other for somebody else
to avoid the complication of our situation
absent is the reality that we should be facing
cause all we do is find replacements
and ignore the slightest of hesitations
accepting things with her, I feel complacent
the doubt that creeps in when you’re with him
so we end when and where the lies begin
and that’s just the way it’s going to be
until you admit to yourself that there’s more to me

The Best Part of Me

she is the best part of me
my best friend, on bad days my worst enemy
that I will always love and appreciate
if we can’t agree, we negotiate
cause we shouldn’t go to bed angry
and if we do, I go to sleep mad at me
we come apart just to come back together
entangled in love, feeling closer than ever
the moments pass, but she is forever
the fire fades, the storm passes, but our love, never

we believe differently, but as long as she believes in me
we keep going,
reaping benefits from the seeds we’re sowing
we go from suppressed to expressive
but a resolution is never neglected
we conclude that we both will be respected
and we piece together two versions of the same story
and for having each other, we give Him the glory
we climb and we fall, then we tear down those walls
there’s no pressure, but a desire to be better
for the one I promise to love forever
cause she’s my queen and we reign supreme together

we learn and grow as a result of one another
consequence of our actions, memories everlasting
satisfaction comes in a variety of forms
and now my once cold thoughts are warm
perspective changes loving someone else
it will always be her before myself
her happiness and health
our love, the infinite supply of wealth
and I’ll be soaking it all up
because there is no such thing as too much

She Will

She will never love me, I’m not her type
she wants someone who will treat her right
not go above and beyond day and night
a man who will never put up a fight
someone taller, someone a little older
with love that never changes, always sober
but mine constantly grows, it’s never over
and I know she knows that I’m here
but life moves fast, she doesn’t even stop and stare
I’m a constant in time, I am always present
but I’m starting to sense a little resentment
I like to imagine we have a connection
but I’m leading myself in the wrong direction

She will take me for granted
for her, it becomes a habit
she will say what she says
but it doesn’t have to mean a thing
she will continue playing on broken strings

Our friendship has always left scars
why doesn’t she check her heart
to remind herself that we’ve come so far
love has been there from the start
a bond that have always had character
we shaped it artfully like a caricature
both playful and deceptive to the outside looking in
where we start is where we end, and she and I end where we begin
cause so many times we act as one
but after today, we’re done
just like that, there is no turning back
everything we worked for just walked out the door
but it should of never came as a surprise
I saw the death of us the last time I looked in her eyes

Why did weeks go by with no love between us?
I asked myself if I was the only one who can see us
I did all I could to please her, make sure her needs were met
and in return I got apologies and excuses
the perfect recipe to make anyone feel useless
but anyone else would of got more effort
and there is no insecurity in my worth
just certainty in how much it hurts
knowing the truth is that things will never change
after talks and promises, years later, still the same
I’d be a fool not to learn from the patterns of our past
the last lie I let her tell me is that this will pass
I’ve heard it too many times before
and now it’s time I say no more

Second Thoughts

Are you happy in your current situation?
are the smiles real or are you faking?
are you going places or are you complacent?
settling because you already made it this far
you share the same bed, 2 kids, a car
no reason to give it all up and start over
not when nothing else is secured
but how can you be sure this is it?
is this where you begin or where you quit?

think twice before you take that dive
a second thought before you become his wife
he says your not a good person
you tell yourself this won’t worsen
does anything about this moment feel right
or are you hoping it all changes overnight

are you just comfortable because this is easy?
don’t have to worry about the unexpected
you know exactly what you’re getting
are you forgetting all the things you don’t want?
all those times you wished things were different
even if it were the same situations with someone different
you would be more motivated to try to make it work
there’s a difference in that and then just letting it hurt
let everything fail on it’s own so he can leave on his own
no guilt, no struggle, no consequences for actions not taken
why blame yourself when there is always someone else?

how can this be the wrong person after so many years?
what are you missing, maybe the void when you’re kissing
the signs were always there, is this freedom or is it prison
if it’s so easy to connect and take comfort in someone else
maybe it’s the perfect time to start listening to yourself
your actions are not agreeing with the words you say, its time to take off
you invested so much and you’re waiting to see the pay off
but what if you’re wrong for waiting?
there is value in being patient
but stupidity in over staying as payment
because you feel indebted to someone else
how can you live for another when you wont live for yourself?

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