Empty Vessel

I’m not ok, enough of the facade I put on
smile for the cameras like we always get along
how long have you been gone?
every day we get it so wrong
so checked out, your love comes and goes
but I don’t falter, because you are who I chose
Alone in our home, we fail to have any goals
yet, we are expected to grow
my commitment is now in question
despite all the years, I’ve yet to make an impression

my words mean nothing to you
until they do
pick and choose the content you want
without the context
so you flaunt
a myriad of omissions
you are the victim
and I am the villain

we want to be what we are
but this is not who we are
you said I’m distant, checked out
help me understand what you are without
one day you love affection
the next, turning to you means I’m facing the wrong direction
I give you the cold shoulder
but you have always been colder

I just don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know how to impress you
sometimes you are an empty vessel
and I try, I try to protect you
the truth can be devastating
I die with my secrets
because it’s you I’ve been saving

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Too Good for You

we talk a little less than we used to
but maybe that’s because we need to
my heart speeds up when I see you
but we both know that shouldn’t be true
my breath is shallow, but sharp like a knife
why do you make me feel so alive?
is it because we had so many memories together
before you promised someone else your forever
we were always something and never knew it
time passed us by and we never pursued it

I was the jester and you played me like a fool
I was too good to you, too good for you
you were too right for me, too polite to see
that we can, will, and should never be

I get jealous when you laugh at him
we come in first place but it doesn’t mean I win
it’s funny how things work the way they do
how it hurts like this is all new
like I didn’t know you gave someone else your time
sharing intimate memories I thought were solely mine
you miss me only when it’s convenient for you
only when you can’t get it from him, you let me in
I thought we were close, but that was only my definition
obviously you had your own interpretation
I spent so much time waiting and I’m not sure why
hoping you were brave enough to try
to begin to admit that you would never quit me
but history shows you would leave me empty

I know we’re scared to be honest
so we lie to each other about ourselves
deny each other for somebody else
to avoid the complication of our situation
absent is the reality that we should be facing
cause all we do is find replacements
and ignore the slightest of hesitations
accepting things with her, I feel complacent
the doubt that creeps in when you’re with him
so we end when and where the lies begin
and that’s just the way it’s going to be
until you admit to yourself that there’s more to me

Kings & Queens

what surpasses our empathy
is our abundance of chemistry
we’re something like a symphony
subtle but vibrant, you, the queen of the tyrants
make peace with the king of violence
there’s no greater sight than this alliance
but no greater charm than your defiance
a character of fiction too real to redact
how quick I am to attack
how quick you are to react
but at all times, we have each other’s back

we splurge on love
we don’t just raise the bar, we sit above
we indulge in the simple things
our potential can’t be unseen
as we live like Kings and Queens

we don’t pick and choose our battles
we just lay it on the line every chance we get
waiting for the days I best you
but I relish in the days I get the best you
just to see you try and assert your authority
you love nothing more than to be at war with me
our back and forth struggle of who reigns on the throne
with a subtle desire to make each other home
together, we are something to fight for
our alliance ends wars, and once more
we do it by kicking in front doors
bold as our love, we are a force
and everyone else can agree to disagree
that we are a beginning of a legacy

How many looks can I steal
to have your treasure in my court
despite our differences, I know your worth
you challenge and then ignore me
it drives me wild, makes me crazy
still I choose you as my lady
the queen to rule my domain
the one to lift up my name
carry us as I will carry you
love me however you choose

Above All Else

I can’t get a read on you
but just know I’m really feeling you
I can picture you and I together
marry me, be my forever
we can disagree, we can fight
but you and I will always be right
just think about our future
and how much it would suit you
stop chasing the shadows and follow the light
and we can lead each other in the right direction

let me spoil you with love and affection
give me the chance to be your protection
let’s provoke our minds with deep thought
or keep it simple on a nature walk
take a trip anywhere you desire
or go camping and sit around the fire
just imagine if we went backpacking
or the mischief we can make in a cabin

you’re my desire and I am determined
to create the perfect world for the perfect person
the one I love, above all else, take me as I am
say you love me too, take me as your man

tell me you trust me, that you love my touch
make me feel like I am more than enough
distract me from the chaos of this world
be my one and only girl
even with a lifetime ahead of us
we know that each other is enough
tell me that you are in love with me
and I will be yours for eternity

One Night Stand

you wear that dress and I want to be single again
you take it off and I want to be more than a friend
it’s more than just talk, I have means to an end
the way you work it gives me a new purpose
the trouble it would cause almost seems worth it
we probably wouldn’t treat each other right
but I just want to love you if only for a night
fuck you like love at first sight
I’d give it all just to know what you feel like
you got that cake and I just want a bite
and if sacrifices are to be made
I’m ok with any price to be paid

I just want to be an animal with you
we only want to keep it physical
we touch, we fuck in and out of love
we don’t stop til we get enough
it’s just a one night stand
one night closer to being your man

you wear those pants and I get a rise
and the way it shows your shape and hugs your thighs
please forgive the sinning being done by my eyes
I don’t want to compete with your past
but I would for those brains and that ass
I would do all the things he’s never done
it’s always you being served and first to come
because I want to cater to your every desire
I’m available for hire and ready to retire
from the games that men and women play
but only if you decide to come my way
I won’t do all the things he’s done
that was second rate and we come second to none

 
we’re not compatible but I still want to be bad with you
my fantasies about you are becoming habitual
we can do all the things you never thought you would
how could I turn down what feels so right, so good
I think it’s time we discussed an international affair
as you become a frequent flyer, ride with me in the air
and watch us take off and make off, no destination in mind
all that matters is that we’re in the right place and time
it doesn’t have to make sense, there is no hesitation
the things we’ll do have no salvation
there is no saving us from each other
and we don’t need saving when we have one another
we can just try each other out, if just for a night
and if it feels right, then we can discuss the rest of our life

Queen City

you want to remain part of the city that made you a woman
a place where I was never a part of your life plan
and you want me to understand
why you love it so much
when I just want to feel my love is enough
I can’t put it into words that make any sense
the future is scary but your past is so tense
and I don’t want to revisit the memories
they are your best friends, making them my enemies
you can’t let go of them the way you once let go of me
so how should I feel when I was never good enough
after all the years I wrongly chased your love

I should get over it
I wasn’t always the perfect fit
you left home to sit on the throne
to reign over the Queen City
and now I’m finally starting to see
that had nothing to do with me

that part of you is over and this is where we begin
but that part of you is still holding on to him
because he was there when you wouldn’t let me in
he did what he needed and took care of you
when you wouldn’t let me be there for you
he took you in and made this your queen city
I can’t compete with a place you find so flawless, so pretty
all the connections I imagined now seem so one sided
I just wanted believe it was there and you had to hide it
but my words constantly fell on deaf ears
because I was too bold to acknowledge the reality of my fears
you had moved on living a life without me
I wasn’t living without you, so I resented this city
for taking away the one thing that felt true
for changing and manipulating you
for taking you out of my life, for dimming my light
all the love I fought to earn, you gave it to them without a fight

I feel so much, yet I come of as stoic
I inflict my own pain, and we both know it
the past is the past, time to get over it
I just don’t want to compete in an already decided battle
but that was my choice, I never had to
we made our decisions, that’s just part of living
I can’t let this city be my prison
hold me back, reliving something we never had
It made you the person that you chose to be today
so I shouldn’t really have anything to say
you are here now, I should never lose sight of that
I am a King, ready to take my Queen back

Cocaine Sadness

I know i’m not good enough
I can tell from your lack of touch
you don’t have to continue the lies
I can see it in your eyes
with me you seem so unsatisfied
and after so much rejection, a part of me died
I’ve lost my drive to really try
and its not a secret why
my touch doesn’t faze you
you don’t budge at my expressions of love
affection is a foreign concept in our relationship
I still love you, but I’m beginning to hate it
I still love you, but how long can I take it

you’re my drug, without you I’m going through withdrawal
you were my rise but I’m beginning to fall
my high is gone and I need another fix
but I’m not your number one interest
I’m not enough even when I thought I was
try to dilute my dependency, this habit
but then I fall into a cocaine sadness

I’m begging for your touch, but still nothing
you say you like it rough, isn’t that something
cause no matter what I do, the results are the same
we talk it through, but i learn not to expect any change
I try to be your man, but I feel like I’m constantly failing
do you see the damage from all the rejection I’ve taken
I’m not good enough to satisfy you
I don’t want your pity, but I can’t deny you
so I pretend that your desire is real
and that you feel the passion I feel
sometimes it feels real and convincing
but my reality is only real in being fiction

why do men stray? and why do you stay?
out of weakness, out of desire
to feel a touch, to feel loved
to feel wanted is all I ever wanted
but I feel alone and haunted
by the ghosts of everyone else you wanted
everyone you gave yourself to
because they were able to do what I can’t for you
so why waste your time in this comfort zone
when I can’t even satisfy you at home
I promised myself to do the best I can
but I’m no good if I don’t feel like part of your plan
my shortcomings slowly destroys the man I was
I spend each homecoming knowing I’m not enough.