Sink or Swim (The Con-Artist)

If I jump off the deep end
I’d drown real quick
sinking in the sea
reliving all the lost memories
all the nights I didn’t live right
all my dreams out of sight
surrounded by darkness
but I can still see the light
there’s still time to make changes
but the deeper I go, I become more famous
I’ve undone what I sought to be
I’m my number one enemy

 

I don’t know how to feel
so I let go and let it become real
sink or swim, I’m neither here or there
everywhere and nowhere
my life doesn’t know where to go
my soul is struggling to hold on
it’s been treading water for too long

 

I put on a brave front but a coward lies underneath
I’m not different, like everyone, I lie, I steal, I cheat
how can I be a fraud when some traits are unique
maybe I’m filled with hot air, forced heat
just to feel wanted, I trade everything I once valued
knowing damn well I don’t have to
I sacrifice for the superficial, I’m guilty, I’m complicit
for compromising every bit of the person I was, I miss it
I miss it, I miss it all, my rise, my fall from grace
I can’t be helped so I spend my time saving somebody else
hoping one day they will help me save myself

 

there’s no tug of war between good and evil
but between what you want and who needs you
I’m decisively undecided about where I fall
I want zero pity, but then again I want it all
don’t feel sorry for my shortcomings
but celebrate the day of my homecoming
a conservative approach to taking big risks
but I’m tryin come out the water with big fish
make a name for myself despite any adversity
10 years from now, be able to celebrate some anniversary
for my accomplishments that left doubters in astonishment
I want to be the only subject of my resentment
failure has no place in my mind or my home
or at least that’s what I tell myself on the daily
but my imagination is wild and sometimes it plays me
life gets overwhelming and sometimes I watch myself drown
it’s just a matter of time before I fall all the way down

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18.) So Easy (Blue)

If I was such a good person
why was it so easy for you to leave me?
was it just because I was so kind to you
you were only nice to please me?

Why was it so easy for you to deceive me?
so easy for you to mislead me?
so easy for you to mistreat me?
greedy for affection, so did you need me?
to feed your ego until you were ready to let go?
Did I make it so easy for you to leave me?

I thought you were someone to depend on
but you showed me that I was so wrong
and I believed you were so strong
but turned out to be so cowardly
so afraid that you would hurt me
that you chose to desert me
without any closure
it was over

It’s so easy for me to say I hate you
but all this pain I know you can relate too
still you did what you did anyway
involved me in the games you play
and it was so easy for me to stay
so easy for you to have my heart
and so easy for us to fall apart
so easy for you to move on after so long
so hard for me to comprehend what went wrong