Tag Archives: decisions

Never Satisfied

I rise early with a mind full of thoughts
contemplating every decision I’ve ever made
every dollar spent, every penny saved
I should be rested, but I’m so tired
so restless from the chaos my mind conspires
tormented because I’ll never be satisfied
yet unimpressed by the thought of a perfect life
I feel the knife piercing the back of my head
when I lay down, I feel the weight of lead
the weight of the world on my shoulders
I close my eyes embracing the thought of it being over
there is so much to desire, fantasies so sublime
I want it all, all at once, or just over time
I can never make up my damn mind

I can’t be sure if she’ll ever be mine
I can’t be sure if I’ll have enough time
to live the life I want to live
cause I’ll never be satisfied knowing there’s more
I’m never satisfied just being alive

I apply logic to every decision I make
a rational approach to every action I take
not a man to live spur of the moment
there’s always a plan, premeditated, and I own it
but if spontaneity weighs on me
I know how to let go and be free
but that’s just not me on a daily basis
time creates opportunity, and I won’t waste it
there’s is always something on my mind
always seeking answers with the mentality seek and you shall find
I’m a know it all that still doesn’t know enough
the life of the party, but not entertaining enough
but nothing is enough, even when I have too much

I’m on a quest for more, my mind is never satisfied
a taste and hunger for more, insatiable appetite
I think I know what I want, but I’m not really sure
cause when I have it, I still want something more
and there is always something about the greener grass
I love everything that I have, but I also love her ass
I don’t want to own, yet I’m saving for a home
I want no debt, yet I date the queen of student loans
I make sense to myself, but to no one else
I’m selfish with everyone, but myself
I know what I want, but then I don’t
I know what I want, but I’m not really sure
I won’t be indecisive anymore
or will I?
I can’t be sure

Anchor

I’m the last leg of the race
but I keep them in last place
my pace is a little less than fast
a little less than all over the place, but a bit crass
sometimes I’m convinced I’m right
but my right is their left
and if I don’t compromise and correct, I’m going to get left
but how many times can one man give in?
why does it take my loss for them to win?
if I speak up, they trap me under the bezel
and shun me as if I’m the devil
so if I said I’m done with the shit
I’d be remembered for how a quit
not what brought me to the point
not that they would ever get the point
if I was to try and explain myself
I’d be left just talking to myself

Do you hear the sound
the cries weighing you down
instead of what it is lifting you up
anything can happen without me
I’m just your anchor in the sea

So I sacrifice what I must for them to have enough
but I’m expected to stand my ground and be tough
my patience is almost the point of extinction
endangered cause people can’t make a distinction
who knows what’s fair and what’s not to a man in my position
tempted to knock sense into them but i’m resisting
my blood has been shed, hands blistered
I’ve had my share of brothers and sisters
we all share in the triumph of my victory
but with failure, that just all falls on me

I slow down life and take type to analyze
just to show them, not everything is worth the hype
it seems like I held everyone back from their dreams
rather than I helped them live long enough for them to be seen
so I’m the villain in the scheme of things
no bigger picture, just look at me as where dreams end
and when it’s convenient, just carry on as my friend

Selfish Me

I can’t save you from the damage you do to yourself
but I try to inform you so that so that you can help yourself
but you make it clear you don’t want any help
you don’t mind suffering in your own stubbornness
it doesn’t phase you, but I no longer can rest
my misinformed rebel, your mentality means trouble
our patience will be tested
my purpose to protect makes me over-protective
and we both know how hard I try to help it
so how much longer before you hate me
for bringing you back to a reality you want to escape
a world where actions have no consequences
roaming a land without fences, a place with no rules
and there’s no satisfaction knowing I’m the only thing stopping you

selfish me for wanting you to see
your future and what you can be
you don’t need me, but I need you to see
what you can be without a distorted reality

I don’t know how else to spell it out
you are the one I can’t do without
so I can’t fathom the end of you
being something that was preventable
I can’t watch people destroy themselves
out of ignorance or anything else
not the people I love
and especially you out of all the above
so hate me if you want to
but I’m going to protect you
I’m going to love and cherish you
I’m going to pray and care for you
always do my best to be there for you
cause there will never be another you
somehow I hope to get this through to you
for as long as you allow me to

I can’t answer myself why someone with asthma would smoke
I don’t know why our health in the long run is treated as a joke
I can’t explain why alcohol would make a dark day better
but I know we can’t remain 18 forever
we have to grow up and expand our mind
life isn’t guaranteed, but we don’t have to shorten our time
or make the later years miserable
because of the damage you willingly did to you
thinking you will be invincible
with the mentality everything is ok in moderation
but that’s not the reality your body is facing
so if you are to resent me, just give it some time
once you’ve allowed yourself to live a healthy life, then hating me is fine

Monster #4

I make you feel stupid for all the wrong you did
you ruined yourself with the life you lived
I haunted every decision you made as a kid
and will haunt ever second you continue to live
you know what you do isn’t right
I make sure you can’t sleep at night
you know when you’re wrong and I always know it too
I know every decision you will make before you ever do

I eat at you
constantly defeating you
your hesitation due to my negotiation
my guilt will always be felt
welcome to my hell…
I am monster number 4

I am the reason you think before you act
and you hate me for that
think it’s bad that I sometimes hold you back
think where you would be without me
so much better off or possibly a vacant memory
you begin to second guess everything
the slightest amount of doubt lets me in
as soon as you make a choice, a decision
I become your voice, your religion
cause all you can think about
is that I’m the monster you can do without
a consequence of your actions
thanks to me, both good and bad happens

I feed off your guilt and throw it back at you
you choose to feel that way when you don’t have to
so I tell you to feel bad about your actions
with such intensity right after it happens
you decisions are your prison
can’t escape the life you are living
your regrets won’t end until your heart hardens
and I am number 4, your warden

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