Queen City

you want to remain part of the city that made you a woman
a place where I was never a part of your life plan
and you want me to understand
why you love it so much
when I just want to feel my love is enough
I can’t put it into words that make any sense
the future is scary but your past is so tense
and I don’t want to revisit the memories
they are your best friends, making them my enemies
you can’t let go of them the way you once let go of me
so how should I feel when I was never good enough
after all the years I wrongly chased your love

I should get over it
I wasn’t always the perfect fit
you left home to sit on the throne
to reign over the Queen City
and now I’m finally starting to see
that had nothing to do with me

that part of you is over and this is where we begin
but that part of you is still holding on to him
because he was there when you wouldn’t let me in
he did what he needed and took care of you
when you wouldn’t let me be there for you
he took you in and made this your queen city
I can’t compete with a place you find so flawless, so pretty
all the connections I imagined now seem so one sided
I just wanted believe it was there and you had to hide it
but my words constantly fell on deaf ears
because I was too bold to acknowledge the reality of my fears
you had moved on living a life without me
I wasn’t living without you, so I resented this city
for taking away the one thing that felt true
for changing and manipulating you
for taking you out of my life, for dimming my light
all the love I fought to earn, you gave it to them without a fight

I feel so much, yet I come of as stoic
I inflict my own pain, and we both know it
the past is the past, time to get over it
I just don’t want to compete in an already decided battle
but that was my choice, I never had to
we made our decisions, that’s just part of living
I can’t let this city be my prison
hold me back, reliving something we never had
It made you the person that you chose to be today
so I shouldn’t really have anything to say
you are here now, I should never lose sight of that
I am a King, ready to take my Queen back


16.) CA to VA (Blue)

A cross country honey with an appetite for money

It was my misfortune to fall for an Oakland raider

at the same time I could hate her, but still want to date her

there was something with her that was so right, so wrong

something that entangled me, turned me on

something more than a sex symbol with southern charm

it was her vulnerability that made me approach

her vivid accounts of a dark and vibrant past, still I didn’t reproach

self respecting woman looking for a new beginning

I took the dive to be a part of her life

to be the first man to get it right

but I was caught up, too kind, too blind

to see she was wasting my time


So what if we were so different

I was a fool if I didn’t…

Two worlds apart, she still has my heart

she holds it together as we fall apart

From CA to VA, she won’t find love today

and I won’t find her love this way


She’s the queen of the LA Kings

I tell her I’ll make sure they win

embracing my arrogance, she had me so far gone

I was so sure after past failures, that I finally won

but after so long, our journey had just begun

Time was always against us, but I accepted it

my patience on the line, she tested it

she had her own life and I respected it

as long as it didn’t leave us neglected

but her broken heart had a different agenda

I was an artificial fix, I was her Splenda

her focus was lost somewhere over there

little concern for what she had over here


14.) Ghost (Green)

I wanted so much to be the man to make you happy
loved when I told jokes and you playfully slapped me
waking up each morning to see your beautiful face
kissing your lips just to get a taste
of your sugar, everything that makes you sweet
loving you from your head to your feet
We lock hands, then we turn and lock eyes
your hand on my chest as mine rests on your thigh
in love with your soft fair skin and your straight brown hair
you didn’t like your blemishes, but I didn’t care
none of your flaws had ever phased me
so whenever you doubted yourself, it drove me crazy
I was proud to have you, to call you my baby

your scent reminds me of the beautiful moments we share…
or the ones we didn’t, because you were never there
you lead me on so that you can let me down
you want me there, but its you that’s never around
I was there whenever you needed me the most
but where were you for me?…GHOST

I reserved moments in time for us to connect
but whenever you found time, you seem to forget
that I existed, that we even made plans
the times you stood me up because you couldn’t stay sober
I should of known then that we were over
when you left for months at a time
I waited, eager for your return
but in that time, you took it upon yourself
to set fire and watch our bridges burn
when I would travel coast to coast
felt like I was sleeping with a ghost
I wrote, I called, but you never picked up the phone
like you didn’t want me to come back home
it’s like we were never real, nothing about us existed
I tried for your love and you persisted then resisted

where were you after all that time?
breadcrumb trail of all the signs
that said we would be together
but this reality said never
you were just a ghost haunting my mind
another false vision wasting my time
Told my family how much you meant to me
just to go home every holiday feeling empty
cause you weren’t there by my side
being there for me, you were no where in sight
I was too polite to call out your bluff
too stubborn to tell you I’ve had enough
now I’m alone with just our memories
of everything you pretended to be