Tag Archives: failure

House Collapse/Paradise Lost

So many hours went into securing the foundations
taking the proper steps to ensure stable relations
we moved slow even with open roads ahead
but you moved full speed with the ideas in your head
we used to make light about certain things
but I saw the darkness in you that light brings
we started out as a means to an end
then we turned out to be great friends
but greatness was undone by a terrible trend
you making everything about yourself
the purest of intentions could be for no one else
my actions have to be about you because to me you mean something
or is everything about you because I truly mean nothing
was any of this really time well spent
you’ve always been apprehensive of my intent
you had a high cost, now hearing your name makes me tense
there was a price to pay and now I’m spent

we went from making to becoming history
you targeted our foundation like it was premeditated
like I’ve wronged you in a way that wasn’t communicated
but we’re adults, I thought we’d discuss problems properly
but in your eyes, I’m a thief of your happiness, stole your intellectual property
I don’t get the benefit of the doubt
before the words came out your mouth
false realities bring truth to false prophecies
you succeeded if your goal was to topple me, gain sympathy
but you also did manage to execute an end to us
and I just don’t think you gave a fuck
maybe its not real, that’s just how I feel
my heart’s broken, I don’t know how to heal
there’s a savagery in you I can’t compete with
there’s no proper ending…fuck, I can’t complete this…

 
I am the villain in your eyes
I destroyed your paradise
if only you knew how much I gave to you
how much you meant, how much I would do
I prayed that I would never lose a friend again
but it all falls down
our house still collapsed in the end

I’ve made decisions that jeopardizes our friendship
I’ve been conflicted on how to approach this
its been ridiculous and I’m tired of being the antagonist
I’ve lost a good friend and feel like shit
I’m angry, I’m confused, I’m upset
but I can’t pretend this isn’t a matter of respect
things were said that I won’t forget
I was in a tough place, choosing between the two
but I put family first, choosing her over you
I can apologize for any miscommunication
but I don’t think that remedies our situation
I can apologize for everything
and it doesn’t change anything
cause I’d be the only apologetic one
in matters where I felt no one was wrong
but you felt that I was the only one
I was inconsiderate, I can’t be trusted
well, damn, I could just say fuck it, but…
it doesn’t leave me satisfied
knowing you will never understand why
you’ll never know how much I really valued you
if only you believed anything I said was true
I wish we could of talked face to face
I admit you are someone I can’t replace
I don’t like how far apart we’re getting at this pace
reduced to admiring you from a faraway place

We are a paradise lost, potential untapped
and I don’t know if we can go back
what we once were was real to me
now your absence brings me peace but leaves me empty
I’m in my head and my world is filled with silence
at war with my inaction, so much violence
I don’t know what to make of this inconsequential crisis
waiting to see what time heals when left to its own devices
I just know I’m tired of fighting, I don’t want to do it no more
but I shouldn’t stop you from walking through that door

our house collapsed, our paradise is lost

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Glass Elevator

You can see my rise and my fall
my affairs, a window that bares it all
my ascend and decline
you see what could be yours and try to take mine
just because my life is on full display
I see beyond the stars, no telescope
people have me under a microscope
waiting for the moment I choke
even being humble and accepting my flaws
they still want to strip me down of it all
everything I work for, everything I hurt for
I give it all and they still want more

there are those that wish me success
want to see me at my best
and then there are the rest
the ones that you least likely expect
friendships become more than friendly rivalries
they drown in the river of jealousy
and proclaim themselves my enemy
my greatest accomplishment are the bonds I’m able to form
the people I can count on to keep my interpretation of this world warm
I’ve been climbing from darkness since I was born
and the closer I get to finding my way out
the inconsistencies often fill me with doubt
sometimes it feels better to hide
being seen, not being seen
what do you do when neither feels right?

I don’t fear judgement, but I know it’s there
I feel the pressure, I feel their stares
I live in a glass elevator with mirrors reflecting back
but no one sees them-self, they just see the cracks

I’m an open book still judged by its cover
an innate ability to relate to another
I’ve built myself from the ground up as rubble
but I’m told I could never understand
I would never feel the pain of another man
because I don’t have qualifying struggles
I see a part of me in every friend, every enemy
I see their reflection, I feel their pain
I give a damn, even if I don’t know their name
but how many casting stones can say the same

20.) My Resignation (Blue)

I will not be your comfort zone
I will no longer be a 2nd home
when you want somewhere to be
that place will no longer be with me
you let me down in such a destructive way
so full of games that I will not play
for too long I entertained
all the screwed up things in your brain
all of the hypocrisy that I let slide
because it was in me you confide
the lies I told to protect you from yourself
the lengths I went for no one else

the pain that I endured
because you gave me no closure
never told me it was over
left me alone, feeling so wrong
it’s time I resign and move on

I won’t be there by your side
I won’t check if you’re alright
you lost the right, to have the best of me
you don’t even deserve my worst
it was you who abandoned me first
I was always there in your time of need
but not once did you ask about me
never showed interest in how I was doing
left me to find out on my own, I’m not the man you’re pursuing
sabotaged a good thing, left us as a ruin
hurt people, hurt people and I get that
but it’s not like you ever wanted me back
never expressed any remorse
for the course you took with me, your friend
not once did you explain why we reached an end

If you took responsibilities for your actions
I’m sure none of this would have happened
even if things didn’t work out between us
we would still have some sort of trust
some type of bond, someone to lean on
but don’t come to me looking for help
I leave you as you left me, alone, by yourself
you were never there when I needed you
only around if it benefited you
your sincerity has lost all value
I don’t trust a word that comes from you
you stand by your claim of integrity
but your heart is hollow, you’re shallow, you’re empty
and I’ve dealt with your bullshit plenty
now pretend like you never met me
because to me, you are a void in my memory

 

17.) I Knew it was Over (Blue)

Be jealous of how much my heart broke because of you

remember how much it pained me when I lost you

because now you know how much I truly cared

and it answers your question of why no good men are out there

you throw them away and I was another victim

with me one day, next thing, you’re with him

you didn’t want to hurt or let me down

but instead made me look and feel like a clown

still, I don’t hold it against you

everyone thinks Its my right to resent you

but I can’t do that

something holds me back

even if I’m I’m angry and upset

I still don’t have an ounce of regret

I complain then defend your name

because I choose to feel your pain

 

I knew it was over when you couldn’t love me

felt it the last time you hugged me

our last kiss, I knew it was our last

that moment, I knew I became your past

 

you held grudges that kept us apart

there was a darkness still left in you heart

and I wasn’t the remedy to help you heal

so I hoped, but knew that you would never feel

for me in a way that would matter

but still, I didn’t expect my heart to shatter

the way it did, my bid for you wasn’t enough

I couldn’t convince you that I was enough

there was the time you drank too much

so hungover the next day, you stood me up

cancelled on us, what you did was so wrong

but guess your admission of guilt was a turn on

cause I stuck around to fall for it again

pretending I didn’t know this was our end

 

You stopped looking me in the eyes

feeling guilty from all of your lies

but you still continued, didn’t you?

I wasn’t worth being true to

I caught on to them, but never called you out

because I wasn’t looking for a way out

I pushed myself to hold on

knowing you were so wrong

knowing we were so wrong

but I wanted you for so long

I kept going, knowing I was so wrong

we were so wrong

 

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