Tag Archives: friendship

Desperate, Love

Just a means to no end
I forget that we’re not just friends
but lovers who like to pretend
we’re strangers in love
and I can’t love you enough
I can’t love you, it’s too much
so much that we do together
all the times I wish were forever
never do I think of you
look what you put me through
the best moments of my life
the cruelty and the strife
I’m lucky to be alive
but without you, how do I survive?

try to fall out of love with me
we can becomes like strangers
forget ever meeting friends and family
you are far too dangerous for my sanity
let’s argue, we’re too good to be true
tell me what we are suppose to do

I’m so desperate for your love
those cold winters, we aren’t cold enough
we’re far too desperate, Love, it will never work
we need a respite from being burdened with hurt

what a waste of potential we are
we’ve come all this way but still remain far
we need to communicate and air it out
the conversations we could do without
but that leaves a mess in the wake of our storm
so let’s be a disaster, as beautiful as ever
let’s fall apart in dramatic fashion, atrophy
a train-wreck, mass casualty
victims of our own circumstances
oh how I love your sinister glances
happenstance all too perfectly crafted to be by chance
everything happens for a reason, life is what we make it
and season after season we continue to fake it

I haven’t known what I wanted since the day that I met you
I can’t forget you and I’m destined to regret the day we met
you know too much about me, some type of stalker
but you got me walking on clouds, Skywalker
life handed us lemons and we made Limoncello
more complexities and possibilities from the first hello
we are such a tease, should of let you go…nowhere
I hold on to you my dear
longer than I should, longer than anyone would
but as bad as we are together, we’re still too good


She Says to Me

I see a cage where I used to have my bed
a hostile environment where I lay my head
no longer safe, a war has broken out
the rules of engagement have been violated
and at the end, it will all be annihilated

she’s locked and loaded
but my ammunition has run out
she’s on the attack, despite the fact I’ve folded
we yell, but her heart really shouts and fuss
I still love you, but I hate what you did to us

she says to me…

wasn’t the first time enough
all these years, I’m calling your bluff
I was strong and you broke a good woman
I was so sure that you wouldn’t, that you couldn’t
I’m sure a fool for thinking our love was ever true
you are so vacant, you don’t even have a clue
you checked out the moment I checked in
I was on the losing team expecting us to win

she says to me…

how could I be so blinded by perfect timing
I’m constantly reminded of your lying
I was a fool for your love
thinking I’m the only one when you’ve always been two prong
and enough is enough
so give me one reason I shouldn’t move on…

see I have no words, I know you’re hurt
I have no words, you deserve to be heard
and I hear you, but I know you don’t hear me
I can say sorry and all you hear is an enemy
I’ve pinned us on opposite sides, you resent me
the fight of our lives and we’re not together
it takes so much to build, but very little to undo forever

House Collapse/Paradise Lost

So many hours went into securing the foundations
taking the proper steps to ensure stable relations
we moved slow even with open roads ahead
but you moved full speed with the ideas in your head
we used to make light about certain things
but I saw the darkness in you that light brings
we started out as a means to an end
then we turned out to be great friends
but greatness was undone by a terrible trend
you making everything about yourself
the purest of intentions could be for no one else
my actions have to be about you because to me you mean something
or is everything about you because I truly mean nothing
was any of this really time well spent
you’ve always been apprehensive of my intent
you had a high cost, now hearing your name makes me tense
there was a price to pay and now I’m spent

we went from making to becoming history
you targeted our foundation like it was premeditated
like I’ve wronged you in a way that wasn’t communicated
but we’re adults, I thought we’d discuss problems properly
but in your eyes, I’m a thief of your happiness, stole your intellectual property
I don’t get the benefit of the doubt
before the words came out your mouth
false realities bring truth to false prophecies
you succeeded if your goal was to topple me, gain sympathy
but you also did manage to execute an end to us
and I just don’t think you gave a fuck
maybe its not real, that’s just how I feel
my heart’s broken, I don’t know how to heal
there’s a savagery in you I can’t compete with
there’s no proper ending…fuck, I can’t complete this…

I am the villain in your eyes
I destroyed your paradise
if only you knew how much I gave to you
how much you meant, how much I would do
I prayed that I would never lose a friend again
but it all falls down
our house still collapsed in the end

I’ve made decisions that jeopardizes our friendship
I’ve been conflicted on how to approach this
its been ridiculous and I’m tired of being the antagonist
I’ve lost a good friend and feel like shit
I’m angry, I’m confused, I’m upset
but I can’t pretend this isn’t a matter of respect
things were said that I won’t forget
I was in a tough place, choosing between the two
but I put family first, choosing her over you
I can apologize for any miscommunication
but I don’t think that remedies our situation
I can apologize for everything
and it doesn’t change anything
cause I’d be the only apologetic one
in matters where I felt no one was wrong
but you felt that I was the only one
I was inconsiderate, I can’t be trusted
well, damn, I could just say fuck it, but…
it doesn’t leave me satisfied
knowing you will never understand why
you’ll never know how much I really valued you
if only you believed anything I said was true
I wish we could of talked face to face
I admit you are someone I can’t replace
I don’t like how far apart we’re getting at this pace
reduced to admiring you from a faraway place

We are a paradise lost, potential untapped
and I don’t know if we can go back
what we once were was real to me
now your absence brings me peace but leaves me empty
I’m in my head and my world is filled with silence
at war with my inaction, so much violence
I don’t know what to make of this inconsequential crisis
waiting to see what time heals when left to its own devices
I just know I’m tired of fighting, I don’t want to do it no more
but I shouldn’t stop you from walking through that door

our house collapsed, our paradise is lost

What Was Said

we used to be good friends
and we had a good thing
I thought you had let me in
I hate that we end, but love is where we begin
impressed by your impressions
your eyes, your smile, your dimples
added complexity to a life too simple
your mind complimented mine
not that you knew how to receive a compliment of mine
but its the little things that made the difference
and differences are what brought about our end
if only you knew, to me, I’m losing a best friend

how do we come back from what was said
I’ve made my peace, you’ve made your bed
we said what was said and sometimes we can take it back
what was said went a little too far
what was said showed us who we really are
we said what was said, and then we were off track
derailed for good, some things we can’t take back

I let so few people in my circle
I know I may of been hard work for you
I thought there was a mutual understanding
that we’re together no matter what happens
we were having such a good run
too many memories to discount all the fun
I became addicted to your personality
we were comfortable, you did away with the formality
we were filled with natural chemistry
signaling everything that was meant to be
I can’t tell where it all went wrong
and I’m still figuring out how to move on
but I know this will be our swan song

I wish things could of been different in the end
I wish you were still my friend
I can tell you that so much will change
now that you are so far out of range
I personally thought you made my life better
but relationships can change like the weather
you switched on me like we had no history
and now I wonder if you’re ever missing me
but I know the bigger picture isn’t about you, it’s about me
I made a decision out of self respect
there was a line and it crossed into disrespect
people used to warn me, beware
but I always thought the love would be there
this is a reality check for the ages
love is conditional, and some friendships are just phases

Still Never Any Good

I’m sorry my emotional intelligence isn’t as high as yours
I’m sorry you are a different person behind close doors
growing up in a society that makes you feel the world is yours
while I was told I’m beneath an animal on all fours
constantly judged, misunderstood just because of where I’m from
let them ignore the fact I have no history of doing anything wrong
you see, my complexion is a little bit more familiar with the sun
and for that reason I’m always cautious and on the run
you feel attacked when I defend against your accusations
I’m sorry your imagination makes you a victim beyond my appreciation
I’ve spent my whole life defending myself unnecessarily
so maybe my best defense is an offensive front
I’m not one for confrontations, but I’ll make it blunt
if I feel attacked, I fight back. It’s all I ever knew
but you struck first, so what did you want me to do
passive is not my approach when my back is to a corner
my word versus yours, I’m not hopeful for the former
but that’s just how it is, so I put up high fences
I let you in at the cost of leaving me defenseless…

For as long as you knew me, after all this time
how could you accuse me of these crimes
and I’m not allowed to present my defense
without you feeling attacked or on the fence
about our relationship, ready to bail so quick
dropped a bomb on me, made me feel so sick
everything about me, you seem to have a problem with
you question the quest we’re on because I can be inconsiderate
making everything seem so one sided, that couldn’t be it
I’ve tolerated and forgave all the childish ways you behave
I took the punches, rolled with them like the waves
we always bounced back, but this time I don’t think we can be saved

I’m not seeking forgiveness, never again
I gave you my best, thought of you as a real friend
but there’s a level of fragility, our bond so brittle
conditional. I though so much while you thought so little
I did the best I could and it was still never any good
after all this time, I was still never any good

I can only be as good to you as you are to me
so how good did you really allow me to be
I let you in from the beginning whether it was wise or not
I was never in your circle, but I took my shot
just to face rejection for a number of excuses
I knew better a long time ago and should of just said deuces
there was little reciprocity of invitations out of generosity
and I began to realize that being your fan hurts
but even with all the evident hypocrisy and double standards
I was willing to commit time regardless of my grind
but when it came to yours, I was never on the mind
I blame myself for not being confrontational sooner
but I came to the conclusion our friendship was situational
with so much invested, I was the only loser

how can I be sure anything I do is right
if you shame me for being polite
for standing my ground against the intruder of the night
at the same time, for not putting up a fight
there’s just no winning when you are the referee
it’s always you vs everything that is me
can we take a minute to be happy for each other
no, not if mine is an inconvenience or bother
let’s consider all the ways I’ve been inconsiderate
because clearly you have never given me shit
I’ve done nothing but open up myself for you to use
and in return I say things like I guess I deserve the abuse
I kept coming back not really knowing why
something about you always made me want to try
I never told you a lie, I meant it when I said for you I would die
I would of taken a bullet, never thinking you’d be the one to shoot it

Only After Midnight

thoughts of you haunt my mind constantly
memories of us are always taunting me
we were alone when we found each other
now your life resides with another
I was so scared of losing you, and yet I did
so afraid of telling you, so I hid
my confessions, darker than you could imagine
but your secrets, enough to fill a mansion
we live in such a dark place together and alone
I hear the creaks, disturbing silences in our home
year around tension, evergreen frustration
with no resolution in sight, I die every day
knowing I’ve failed to impact you in any way

I wake up with you on my mind
but I’m only on yours after 9 pacific time
you love me, only after midnight
only love me after we fight
only love me when I’m in your sight
why don’t we know how to love right?

I thought I knew what love was
but I mourn everyday for something I’m not sure of
You’ve made me feel so empty, so incomplete
I’m just another distraction, I can’t compete
what does it take to feel like I’m worth something
any time I try, I walk away feeling like nothing
you loved me only out of obligation to feel whole
your touch has always felt so cold
I had a feeling, to get by, you lied
but I created excuses, protecting my pride
I wish there was more, but I felt needy
and when I asked, you made me feel greedy
I was asking more of you than you could provide
but I’ve seen you give more, I’ve seen you more alive

everything about us was always on your terms
after all this time, I was too blind to learn
there’s no way I was ever getting through to you
I was never going to be enough, we know its true
I was a means to an end, and the end is here
your inaction speaks volumes to how much you care
I blame myself for not accepting this day would come
I knew every bit of investment in you would be undone
but still you convinced me you were the one
or I convinced myself to no objection of your own
now my choices are to continue feeling down and alone
or to move forward and be the soul haunting this abandoned home

Secondhand News

why am I always last to know
why do I always hear it from somebody else
when you can just tell me yourself
have you lost confidence in me and what you want
cause I used to be your top confidant
then something changed in a way I can’t explain
I fell to second, third place, then eventually out the race, entirely
why does it feel like you fired or retired me
despite always being in your corner quietly
loud when I needed to be, your critics couldn’t silence me
but you hit mute, I get radio silence. I don’t understand
I get the details about you from another man
who should know you better than you and I
I just want to know who, what and why

I used to be your right-hand man
now I’m your second mate, second rate,
second place backup plan
i’m no longer part of your life’s plan
I care but feel misunderstood, misused
everything I hear is secondhand news

what changed? my status, or is it yours, or is it ours
we used to keep each other informed, on the hour
but something’s changed, I just don’t get it
our history, I can’t begin to forget it
but I’m starting to regret it
all those times I confided, poured out my heart
thinking it would be reciprocated by you, my counterpart
but I’m starting to see through the facade
and I must applaud your efforts to make me believe I meant something
but I was the back up plan when everyone else gave you nothing
maybe there’s a bit a jealousy in me that’s talking
but I’ve invested too much to become a second option
I thought I had your respect, but respect devolved to neglect

You ask about me only when I walk away
and even then it still depends on the day
I miss the trust we used to have
through the seasons we had each other’s back
but now my winters become colder
my weekends become sober
the wind blows me to an island of solitude
I set sail the moment you bailed during our feud
the costs for you was high, but I didn’t mind the prices
on the other hand, I was just a tool to be used for your own devices
am I being dramatic or does everything feel so one-sided
I debated if I should say something or continue to hide it
I’m not sure anything at this point would make a difference
just got to move on and learn to reciprocate your indifference

The Evidence

I hate the way he looks at you and you look back
he smiles, you smile and I’m just in the back
back of your mind, not worth the same time
the way you touch hands like its planned
you used to make me feel special
now i see videos of you two on YouTube
everything now is about you two
we used to fight like lovebirds, but now I’m never heard
not even worth the time of day, zero frills
you say I got issues, but you have zero chill
switching up and constantly changing
no loyalty, I was just another play thing

the evidence is there, clear as day
it’s recess and the kids are out to play
but you stay behind, he stays behind
ignorance is bliss, but it’s not blind
you moved on and I thought we were timeless
but now you reject even the simplest of my kindness

I distract myself with other women
but who am I kidding
it’s always been you since the beginning
so many exes still have your number
waiting on a list that started last November
when you decided he was the one for you
when you said there was nothing I could do
maybe differently, but in as many words
words that I wanted to pretend that I never heard
I’ll always remember who you were to me
who, speaking honestly, you still continue to be
even with all the inconsistency, it’s all a mystery
I thought things would change through all the strife
I know it’s not right, but I still want you in my life
the desire never fades, love or lust, you’re a must have
I thought you were a fad, but you’re the past present and future I wish I had

Jealousy is a new feeling, I’m not used to it
but it’s my life now, don’t know what to do with it
I see you and I want to deny what I see
the joy in your eyes you never had with me
feel like a failure though I never had your favor
was I too abrasive, too much of a pushover
too young making you feel so much older
you gave me a run for my money
jump started my appetite then left me hungry
I questioned what I lacked right in the moment
but I’m just not the one, It’s about time I own it

Friday Waves

100% sarcastic, but you only get me half the time
I’m rhyme and reason, but you only get the rhyme
and I wouldn’t have the patience for your condescension and sass
if you were half as fine with half the ass
but where we begin is where we end
here’s to everyone you’ve loved who isn’t me
celebration is in order for this irony
we can confidently say we are complimentary to one another
there is an inability to foresee a reality where we don’t have each other
there can’t be ramifications for the actions we never take
but there’s no solace in the mistakes we didn’t make
damn, if we didn’t hesitate, imagine the memories we could create

we go back and forth and back to it
I know your worth, that’s why I attack it
from the front to the back we’re at it again
just a friend, a means to an end
I’m just riding waves Monday to Friday
waiting for Friday to wave back my way

I want to keep you around but how do we do that?
scattered thoughts about you, how do we put it back?
sometimes I love you, sometimes I don’t want to
but I can’t let go or maybe I don’t want to
because if not me, then someone else will love you
but that someone will never touch you the way I do
so how can we move forward side-stepping the situation
how many scenarios I’ve gone through in contemplation
I don’t want to put you in this position to hate me
but I dwell on the times you said “take me”
I knew you would marry the next guy you dated
so why would I bother to meet the next guy I hated
I didn’t want to settle for 1st mate
2nd runner up, 3rd strike, I’m out of chances
I was illiterate seemingly missing all your advances

All I want to do is share one dance with you
love you harder than anyone else could
but I’m no good, I’ve never been good
and nothing I want could ever be, or ever would
time is everything, I don’t want to miss a minute
time stopped when I determined you lived within it
but it’s simply not enough
to have a life time wasted without your love
and I’m chillin in limbo riding the waves
for years upon weeks upon days
anticipating the nothing that follows
when you wait on something so hollow
just to face a reality that’s hard to swallow

Days We’ve Never Lived

you don’t dress to impress
but you always impress me
you have my eyes, you have my attention
my heart is always in your direction
I can’t escape the scent of your suggestion
I’m terrible at pretending
this feeling is never-ending
unaware of the signals I’m sending
humbled is my obsession for your attention
when I remember I’m not the one you call for
I’m not the type you would fall for

you got me taking risks
dreaming of days we’ve never lived, but still miss
that’s when we connected the most
that’s when we are undeniably close
if it were up to me
that would be our reality

what would you give up for me?
I know you can sense our chemistry
loving, supporting you with endless care
you are more than a job, you are my career
you tell me all the things you shouldn’t
thinking I wouldn’t want to act on them
you can go from fantasy to best friend
I want to love you full time
see what results from our unstable chemistry
but we know its elementary, simple in principle
clashing over our mutual attraction
hoping that one day something happens

I know once upon a time
I wanted to be yours, you wanted to be mine
an infatuation lost with time, but lingering is still a taste
no second thoughts to what we should of done in the first place
my biggest regret is not taking that leap of faith then and there
the time we spent together not caring when or where
the nights that could of lasted forever
what would we have created if we stayed the course?
but we extinguished our flame before it became a force
but even now embers of us still remain
our actions may now be, but our hearts still aren’t tamed

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