Tag Archives: heartbreak

The Only One

I work to, try to do better too
but this world won’t let me forget you
the many places that I’ve been
every reflection I see your face in
always was a part of me
my lover and my worst enemy
spiteful to me, yet full of empathy
twists my words so that I’m never heard
lay my head to rest each night
knowing we’ll just never get it right

and yet I love you so
don’t want you to go
cause you are the only one

do my best to keep you around
give you a ring, my key, my crown

I stay up all day and all night
I work, I put in work, I fight
I fight for no one, I fight for someone
I am lonesome, I am the only one
the sun no longer shines at my door
no, no, no, not anymore

I too many times played the fool
lost in my commitment to you
foolishly thinking I could of ever won
when every thing I did was wrong
if I ever expressed distress
I no longer received your best
I always pretended that I didn’t come second
and that we were equally each other’s blessing
I’m the knife in my own back
I’ve betrayed myself taking a look back
dragging my feet down your road
knowing it leads somewhere cold

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Queen City

you want to remain part of the city that made you a woman
a place where I was never a part of your life plan
and you want me to understand
why you love it so much
when I just want to feel my love is enough
I can’t put it into words that make any sense
the future is scary but your past is so tense
and I don’t want to revisit the memories
they are your best friends, making them my enemies
you can’t let go of them the way you once let go of me
so how should I feel when I was never good enough
after all the years I wrongly chased your love

I should get over it
I wasn’t always the perfect fit
you left home to sit on the throne
to reign over the Queen City
and now I’m finally starting to see
that had nothing to do with me

that part of you is over and this is where we begin
but that part of you is still holding on to him
because he was there when you wouldn’t let me in
he did what he needed and took care of you
when you wouldn’t let me be there for you
he took you in and made this your queen city
I can’t compete with a place you find so flawless, so pretty
all the connections I imagined now seem so one sided
I just wanted believe it was there and you had to hide it
but my words constantly fell on deaf ears
because I was too bold to acknowledge the reality of my fears
you had moved on living a life without me
I wasn’t living without you, so I resented this city
for taking away the one thing that felt true
for changing and manipulating you
for taking you out of my life, for dimming my light
all the love I fought to earn, you gave it to them without a fight

I feel so much, yet I come of as stoic
I inflict my own pain, and we both know it
the past is the past, time to get over it
I just don’t want to compete in an already decided battle
but that was my choice, I never had to
we made our decisions, that’s just part of living
I can’t let this city be my prison
hold me back, reliving something we never had
It made you the person that you chose to be today
so I shouldn’t really have anything to say
you are here now, I should never lose sight of that
I am a King, ready to take my Queen back

What you Were Before

we are ripe and in season
and how many reasons do I have to give?
for you to forgive
my mistakes fuels your hate
I give, you take, but how much can you take?
don’t ask how much I gave
just know you can’t relate
and yet I’m so relate-able
you go from hating me to hating you
once you know what I’ve been through
and what’s to come, and what I’ve undone
the sacrifices made for what was promised
the lifestyle that was so dishonest

you fit me like a glove
you fill me with love
but you burn me like a match
still you are my perfect match
to be nothing more
than what you were before

you tear walls down and invade my mind
you consciousness occupies my time
each minute you are awake
is another second I take
to adore and explore you
our current state of friendship is so toxic
I lie about wanting to and trying to stop it
so we will continue the cycle til the end
I promise to be your unreliable friend
cause I can’t do what’s best for us
I can never give you up

I wipe your eyes, I keep you calm
but we both know it’s all wrong
your comfort in the storm belongs to someone else
I need to admit this to myself
but I won’t be convinced of a thing
until I see you wearing that ring
my heart’s sharpshooter, you depart sooner to avoid the hassle
but I’m not a problem easily resolved through travel
one day I will accept the fact I can’t have you
but I’ll continue to let you entertain me, I’m glad to
so we’ll stubbornly do this back and forth thing
damn well knowing, this is a battle no one wins
we were good friends from the beginning
to think it would be different, who are we kidding
you will always be what you’ve been before
the most special person I know, nothing more

Can’t Give You Up

you’re so worried you’ll lose your friends

but you will lose me in the process

because we can’t make mends

why are you so scared?

why are you worried?

after all of these years

don”t you think we would be prepared

why can’t we commit?

why do we bullshit?

we have so much chemistry after so many years

our relationship is not that of our peers

but if you choose me

you lose them?

why is this our current situation?

 

Think by treating me the same as everyone else

you are protecting yourself

I’m not just another friend in your life

so don’t think that’s what is right

or is that you can never love me?

something about me is so ugly?

are you just kind for kindness sake?

is any of this real or is it all fake?

tell me failure is not our fate

we are so loving and playful

so why can’t I date you?

do you hate me? or do you hate you?

do I lack depth?

is it our time together, you still regret?

or am I not tall enough? what is it?

can I call your bluff?

cause there’s no reason it should be so tough

not when we mean so much

 

you’re going to lose me if you don’t choose me

we both know that this day was coming

can’t forever chase a heart that keeps running…

 

so return to me

or just murder me

cause I don’t want to live without you

I can’t face a world without you in it

not for one minute

not without you in it

our time, maybe you can, but I can’t forget

so I can’t give you up yet

without giving up on everything else

without losing myself

Project RGB Epilogue: The End of Our Era

I wish you well and I wish you hell
for all the pain you put me through
but I try to believe this wasn’t you
that your heart had not yet healed
so I was only a rebound, nothing real
It was my decision to be fully invested
despite you telling me you can’t fully invest yet
so I admit my faults, and take some of the blame
but with your decisions, I hoped you’d do the same
I was patient and believed you were worth the wait
but you showed affection, you didn’t hesitate
you made it clear you wanted me here
but soon pretended like I wasn’t there
everything found a way to matter more than I did
and my frustration, I tried to hide it
to spare you any unnecessary stress
I gave my all, my best
so many good memories
all the moments you shared with me
but it went overshadowed and neglected
and I was left feeling disrespected
I always asked you to tell me to stop
if you needed more space or time
because I wanted you to find
yourself before anything with me
but you said you enjoyed your time with me
I wasn’t perfect, but I was always fair
and if you had really cared
the least you could of done
was say I’m not the one
rather than stringing me along
feeding me lies
never looking in my eyes
you used and manipulated me
but I was selectively blind not to see
I thought we had such a good thing
but once you were ready
you didn’t come to me, you went to him
so let this be our finale, this is our end
Goodbye R.G.B.
farewell former friend

This is the end of our era

22.) Swan Song

I gave you all I had
nothing more left in me
and it was sad to see
I’m not what you were looking for
being the guy that I am
I tried understanding your plan
but you gave me no closure
and I thought maturity came as we got older
but you had no regard for my pain
and it was such a shame
to witness how selfish you’ve become
every good thought of you being undone

After today, you just become a regret
my favorite one, I won’t forget
you are just a memory
to remind myself how you won’t remember me
how irrelevant I was to you
but still wished I got through to you
I invested so much
to get so little
barely felt your touch
my desire for you, a riddle
we never made sense together
but I wanted our elusive moments forever

If I knew this is how we would be leaving
I would have wanted you for all the wrong reasons
try to get inside you like every other guy
but I don’t know why
I saw so much potential
why I saw so much in you
but thank you for the memories
and the lessons learned
for igniting the fight in me
and the way my heart burned
If you ever came back
honestly don’t know how I’d react
I don’t know that I would say “no”
don’t know if I could tell you to “go”
you had such a big part of me
left me feeling so empty
nothing about our collapse made sense
and I was so into you
guess I couldn’t foresee what was so predictable
but you will never tell me the words I want to hear
and it’s time I move on…so goodbye my dear

21.) R.G.B.

I can say I loved you because I know you’ll never read this

every ounce of time with you was our little secret

you will never hear these words because you didn’t want to

had an interest in me, but didn’t want me to want you

I’ve written an album of songs because of you

through the good and the bad, I still find you beautiful

You were the hardest I ever fought for anything in life

a part of me believed that you could be my wife

but I was wrong about us for all that time

I was so much yours, but you were never mine

I was blinded and constantly reminded of your presence

I would of given you the world, shower you in presents

I thought all I had was going to be enough

you were a diamond, but your life was in the rough

and I wanted to be there to make it better

at least I thought we would do so together

 

Seduced by the passion of your kiss

so much about you I miss

I envied all that touched your body

just let me know that, to you, I am somebody

you left me mad, I was a man down

depression sets it knowing you’ll never come around

you made me feel Red, Green, Blue

I was so color blind in love with you

 

It all started when we finally stopped

resisting that feeling and took a shot

I was so consumed by you that I didn’t care

for so long, things between us didn’t seem fair

I made sure you had the best of me

and you took it upon yourself to let me

know I can’t have the best of you

now please, I’m begging, help me forget you

our time has expired, and my heart is past due

I thought we were mature, thought we could manage

but look at us now, so distant, so damaged

I guess you found what you were searching for

because your confidence in me is no more

 

I fought so hard, but you have no clue

of all the pain that you put me through

Every letter I sent that never got a response

All of them, you didn’t think twice to write back once?

All I needed was you in my life for my soul to be satisfied

but all I’m left with are questions and stains from the tears I cried

I tried to get through to you that everything will be ok

to provide your health and protection I prayed

I tried to show you that your life didn’t have to be a battle

but fighting was your forte so consequently you had to

declare war on what you can’t control and then complain

I still remained at your side to share your pain

I told you I could no longer do this alone

so you walked without once picking up the phone

to let me know that we are done

to let me know you always knew I wasn’t the one

found it ok to leave me without closure

to this day, you never told me it was over

but with you, I will always remember

that during all that time, I deserved better

20.) My Resignation (Blue)

I will not be your comfort zone
I will no longer be a 2nd home
when you want somewhere to be
that place will no longer be with me
you let me down in such a destructive way
so full of games that I will not play
for too long I entertained
all the screwed up things in your brain
all of the hypocrisy that I let slide
because it was in me you confide
the lies I told to protect you from yourself
the lengths I went for no one else

the pain that I endured
because you gave me no closure
never told me it was over
left me alone, feeling so wrong
it’s time I resign and move on

I won’t be there by your side
I won’t check if you’re alright
you lost the right, to have the best of me
you don’t even deserve my worst
it was you who abandoned me first
I was always there in your time of need
but not once did you ask about me
never showed interest in how I was doing
left me to find out on my own, I’m not the man you’re pursuing
sabotaged a good thing, left us as a ruin
hurt people, hurt people and I get that
but it’s not like you ever wanted me back
never expressed any remorse
for the course you took with me, your friend
not once did you explain why we reached an end

If you took responsibilities for your actions
I’m sure none of this would have happened
even if things didn’t work out between us
we would still have some sort of trust
some type of bond, someone to lean on
but don’t come to me looking for help
I leave you as you left me, alone, by yourself
you were never there when I needed you
only around if it benefited you
your sincerity has lost all value
I don’t trust a word that comes from you
you stand by your claim of integrity
but your heart is hollow, you’re shallow, you’re empty
and I’ve dealt with your bullshit plenty
now pretend like you never met me
because to me, you are a void in my memory

 

19.) The Letter (Blue)

540 days after we first met, 186 days after we first kissed…

you became an illusion

an idea I should dismiss

your kisses irrelevant

because they no longer represent

who we both thought you were

a different woman from the one I fell for…

 

I care about you more than others could comprehend

I would of fought for you til the very end

I did for you what no one else would

I was the only one to believe you were any good

but this makes no difference to you

so I can no longer pursue

this one sided affair

You’ve shown how little you care

how little you have invested

how ugly you can really be

you were too unstable to mess with

so I place that blame on me

 

So much sacrifice

trying to get it right

our future looked so bright

ironic

a bulb blew as I write about you tonight…

 

there’s not much left to say

as your lack of response

it said more than enough

I wrote you too many times

not to hear one word

you wanted someone to write

and that’s why this hurts

none of this made any sense

but I can no longer expend

time on a false, conditional friend

we have reached the end of our time

I’ve written my final letter…I resign

 

18.) So Easy (Blue)

If I was such a good person
why was it so easy for you to leave me?
was it just because I was so kind to you
you were only nice to please me?

Why was it so easy for you to deceive me?
so easy for you to mislead me?
so easy for you to mistreat me?
greedy for affection, so did you need me?
to feed your ego until you were ready to let go?
Did I make it so easy for you to leave me?

I thought you were someone to depend on
but you showed me that I was so wrong
and I believed you were so strong
but turned out to be so cowardly
so afraid that you would hurt me
that you chose to desert me
without any closure
it was over

It’s so easy for me to say I hate you
but all this pain I know you can relate too
still you did what you did anyway
involved me in the games you play
and it was so easy for me to stay
so easy for you to have my heart
and so easy for us to fall apart
so easy for you to move on after so long
so hard for me to comprehend what went wrong

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