She Says to Me

I see a cage where I used to have my bed
a hostile environment where I lay my head
no longer safe, a war has broken out
the rules of engagement have been violated
and at the end, it will all be annihilated

she’s locked and loaded
but my ammunition has run out
she’s on the attack, despite the fact I’ve folded
we yell, but her heart really shouts and fuss
I still love you, but I hate what you did to us

she says to me…

wasn’t the first time enough
all these years, I’m calling your bluff
I was strong and you broke a good woman
I was so sure that you wouldn’t, that you couldn’t
I’m sure a fool for thinking our love was ever true
you are so vacant, you don’t even have a clue
you checked out the moment I checked in
I was on the losing team expecting us to win

she says to me…

how could I be so blinded by perfect timing
I’m constantly reminded of your lying
I was a fool for your love
thinking I’m the only one when you’ve always been two prong
and enough is enough
so give me one reason I shouldn’t move on…

see I have no words, I know you’re hurt
I have no words, you deserve to be heard
and I hear you, but I know you don’t hear me
I can say sorry and all you hear is an enemy
I’ve pinned us on opposite sides, you resent me
the fight of our lives and we’re not together
it takes so much to build, but very little to undo forever

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Amber Tint

I have no secrets left to hide
but you won’t like what I confide
my life is not so much a conflicted mess
as it is designed to impress
to cause awe and disgust
to shock and surprise
look how it is normalized
you look to me for perfection
you look to me for direction
you are a victim of circumstances of your own creation
I am human diagnosed with human complications

my life pays the price of a sacrifice
and now I can see the light
it has a reddish glow, an amber tint
I look inside and now know, I repent
I see orange, yellow, red
I see joy become anguish, the love is dead
I need to follow the hollow of the glow
to find the love they will never know

A jury of my peers would sentence me to life
a life without you, an endless fight
crawl and brawl my way out of the hole
that I dug because I didn’t feel whole
I took for granted how life’s ever changing
I surrender my fears of failing
you think I’m still worth saving
but my demons still need taming

my soul still searches for peace
it looks for faith on a lease
I save you from myself, because you need my protection
I sit around of a table of my reflections
the best part of me sits at the head
slumped over, how long has it been dead
I was never right, who knows what part of me is left
I watch the rise and fall of Icarus
as it’s rehearsed, eerily similar to us
how all the ambition and lies compound
and burn everything I love to the ground

Burning the Pages

forgive me, I have lied to you
truth is, no one is more divine than you
but I make mistakes it’s true
I try to protect who I love
when my mind has had enough
thinking you don’t need the burden
of all the reason’s my soul’s hurting
I’m cursing the fact I’ve disappointed you
we were so high and I let you down
your cries haunt me with such a poignant sound

my suffering does not need to be yours
but now it comes off as if I’ve locked all doors
I’ve lost your trust with my guilty omissions
my judgement has been clouded with toxic emissions
I’ve only ever want you to be content and satisfied
but I always felt like a failure, no matter how hard I tried
I talk until I find the words that make sense
but I see you’ve put up an impenetrable fence
I am no longer deserving, no longer worth it
I had it all and then I forfeited

I’m burning all the pages
the story of all ages
I’m baring my soul, no more secrets
here it is, if you choose to keep it
I fear to know what the future holds
the truth isn’t so clear, but it’s being told

you’ve been so good to me
but not perfect, and that I love to see
haunted by a time you used to love me
life used to be so easy
when we lied to ourselves that everything is alright
that we don’t have to cry, we don’t have to fight
no one is right, but I am wrong baby
there is a light, but it won’t save me
I shall disappear like the memories of everyone else
and I don’t blame you one bit for protecting yourself

The Only One

I work to, try to do better too
but this world won’t let me forget you
the many places that I’ve been
every reflection I see your face in
always was a part of me
my lover and my worst enemy
spiteful to me, yet full of empathy
twists my words so that I’m never heard
lay my head to rest each night
knowing we’ll just never get it right

and yet I love you so
don’t want you to go
cause you are the only one

do my best to keep you around
give you a ring, my key, my crown

I stay up all day and all night
I work, I put in work, I fight
I fight for no one, I fight for someone
I am lonesome, I am the only one
the sun no longer shines at my door
no, no, no, not anymore

I too many times played the fool
lost in my commitment to you
foolishly thinking I could of ever won
when every thing I did was wrong
if I ever expressed distress
I no longer received your best
I always pretended that I didn’t come second
and that we were equally each other’s blessing
I’m the knife in my own back
I’ve betrayed myself taking a look back
dragging my feet down your road
knowing it leads somewhere cold

Queen City

you want to remain part of the city that made you a woman
a place where I was never a part of your life plan
and you want me to understand
why you love it so much
when I just want to feel my love is enough
I can’t put it into words that make any sense
the future is scary but your past is so tense
and I don’t want to revisit the memories
they are your best friends, making them my enemies
you can’t let go of them the way you once let go of me
so how should I feel when I was never good enough
after all the years I wrongly chased your love

I should get over it
I wasn’t always the perfect fit
you left home to sit on the throne
to reign over the Queen City
and now I’m finally starting to see
that had nothing to do with me

that part of you is over and this is where we begin
but that part of you is still holding on to him
because he was there when you wouldn’t let me in
he did what he needed and took care of you
when you wouldn’t let me be there for you
he took you in and made this your queen city
I can’t compete with a place you find so flawless, so pretty
all the connections I imagined now seem so one sided
I just wanted believe it was there and you had to hide it
but my words constantly fell on deaf ears
because I was too bold to acknowledge the reality of my fears
you had moved on living a life without me
I wasn’t living without you, so I resented this city
for taking away the one thing that felt true
for changing and manipulating you
for taking you out of my life, for dimming my light
all the love I fought to earn, you gave it to them without a fight

I feel so much, yet I come of as stoic
I inflict my own pain, and we both know it
the past is the past, time to get over it
I just don’t want to compete in an already decided battle
but that was my choice, I never had to
we made our decisions, that’s just part of living
I can’t let this city be my prison
hold me back, reliving something we never had
It made you the person that you chose to be today
so I shouldn’t really have anything to say
you are here now, I should never lose sight of that
I am a King, ready to take my Queen back

What you Were Before

we are ripe and in season
and how many reasons do I have to give?
for you to forgive
my mistakes fuels your hate
I give, you take, but how much can you take?
don’t ask how much I gave
just know you can’t relate
and yet I’m so relate-able
you go from hating me to hating you
once you know what I’ve been through
and what’s to come, and what I’ve undone
the sacrifices made for what was promised
the lifestyle that was so dishonest

you fit me like a glove
you fill me with love
but you burn me like a match
still you are my perfect match
to be nothing more
than what you were before

you tear walls down and invade my mind
you consciousness occupies my time
each minute you are awake
is another second I take
to adore and explore you
our current state of friendship is so toxic
I lie about wanting to and trying to stop it
so we will continue the cycle til the end
I promise to be your unreliable friend
cause I can’t do what’s best for us
I can never give you up

I wipe your eyes, I keep you calm
but we both know it’s all wrong
your comfort in the storm belongs to someone else
I need to admit this to myself
but I won’t be convinced of a thing
until I see you wearing that ring
my heart’s sharpshooter, you depart sooner to avoid the hassle
but I’m not a problem easily resolved through travel
one day I will accept the fact I can’t have you
but I’ll continue to let you entertain me, I’m glad to
so we’ll stubbornly do this back and forth thing
damn well knowing, this is a battle no one wins
we were good friends from the beginning
to think it would be different, who are we kidding
you will always be what you’ve been before
the most special person I know, nothing more

Can’t Give You Up

you’re so worried you’ll lose your friends

but you will lose me in the process

because we can’t make mends

why are you so scared?

why are you worried?

after all of these years

don”t you think we would be prepared

why can’t we commit?

why do we bullshit?

we have so much chemistry after so many years

our relationship is not that of our peers

but if you choose me

you lose them?

why is this our current situation?

 

Think by treating me the same as everyone else

you are protecting yourself

I’m not just another friend in your life

so don’t think that’s what is right

or is that you can never love me?

something about me is so ugly?

are you just kind for kindness sake?

is any of this real or is it all fake?

tell me failure is not our fate

we are so loving and playful

so why can’t I date you?

do you hate me? or do you hate you?

do I lack depth?

is it our time together, you still regret?

or am I not tall enough? what is it?

can I call your bluff?

cause there’s no reason it should be so tough

not when we mean so much

 

you’re going to lose me if you don’t choose me

we both know that this day was coming

can’t forever chase a heart that keeps running…

 

so return to me

or just murder me

cause I don’t want to live without you

I can’t face a world without you in it

not for one minute

not without you in it

our time, maybe you can, but I can’t forget

so I can’t give you up yet

without giving up on everything else

without losing myself