Tag Archives: insecurity

Secondhand News

why am I always last to know
why do I always hear it from somebody else
when you can just tell me yourself
have you lost confidence in me and what you want
cause I used to be your top confidant
then something changed in a way I can’t explain
I fell to second, third place, then eventually out the race, entirely
why does it feel like you fired or retired me
despite always being in your corner quietly
loud when I needed to be, your critics couldn’t silence me
but you hit mute, I get radio silence. I don’t understand
I get the details about you from another man
who should know you better than you and I
I just want to know who, what and why

I used to be your right-hand man
now I’m your second mate, second rate,
second place backup plan
i’m no longer part of your life’s plan
I care but feel misunderstood, misused
everything I hear is secondhand news

what changed? my status, or is it yours, or is it ours
we used to keep each other informed, on the hour
but something’s changed, I just don’t get it
our history, I can’t begin to forget it
but I’m starting to regret it
all those times I confided, poured out my heart
thinking it would be reciprocated by you, my counterpart
but I’m starting to see through the facade
and I must applaud your efforts to make me believe I meant something
but I was the back up plan when everyone else gave you nothing
maybe there’s a bit a jealousy in me that’s talking
but I’ve invested too much to become a second option
I thought I had your respect, but respect devolved to neglect

You ask about me only when I walk away
and even then it still depends on the day
I miss the trust we used to have
through the seasons we had each other’s back
but now my winters become colder
my weekends become sober
the wind blows me to an island of solitude
I set sail the moment you bailed during our feud
the costs for you was high, but I didn’t mind the prices
on the other hand, I was just a tool to be used for your own devices
am I being dramatic or does everything feel so one-sided
I debated if I should say something or continue to hide it
I’m not sure anything at this point would make a difference
just got to move on and learn to reciprocate your indifference


She Can’t Be Saved

You dated her so you could feel like her savior

she’s down and out for the count

but you pick her back up, dust her off and tell her enough

she don’t have to deal with that life anymore

cause you’ll make it better than it was before

you can have all her needs met

all her problems, she could just forget

cause you’re here, you care, catching all her tears

thinking you can cure all her fears

healing her insecurities with your ego stroking therapy

cause you are the remedy when life is her enemy

She’s so filled with hate, she can’t be saved
insecurities, created toxic impurities
her path is paved, she can’t be saved
there’s no amount of excuses for her behavior
she needs self love, and that can’t wait for later

The appeal is real but what about the love you feel

you fell for broken pieces and struggle to grasp the reasons

your relationship goes through changes like the seasons

the ups and downs are a nonstop roller coaster

but you believe all of this only brings you closer

there’s a passion you feel from an over abundance of empathy

but the more she breaks down, the more you feel empty

how could your cure fail, your presence not be enough

and now you deal with constant rebuffs

but it only makes you fight harder than before

cause if it isn’t working the key must be to love more

how can you be whole together when she had a hole to begin with

you tried to save her from herself without the foundations of friendship

and now look how it is all ending
you’ve dug your grave and sorrow is your bedding

the best of intentions with the most selfish of deeds

you gave her what she wanted, but never what she needs

she took you and your efforts for granted

there are so many inconsistencies, you don’t understand it

but reality is you were never meant to save her

she needed saving, buy she didn’t need you to be a savior

take a step back and see that every cry was a cry for love
not your love but for self love
you fell for potential that goes untapped and held back
suppressed by a cruelty that resides deep within her soul
she’s just not the one whom you are meant to grow old
she is a tyrant in her own right, maybe she’ll be saved
but it shouldn’t be by you, and not today

Tale of Two Cities

we had to learn who we are so that we could make it this far
we had to fail over and over again
just so that we could survive as friends
we had to make mistakes and raise the stakes
just so we could separate what’s real from what’s fake
I was always concerned more about impressing than undressing you
you matter more than anything else in this world
because without you I feel without a world
and even with millions of people surrounding me
your absence always left me feeling empty
but you always have a party, have a crew
I never knew how to keep up the way you do
you alone, piece and hold me together
I pray that you continue to do that forever

whenever I sit and think about you
I become blind to anything less beautiful
and everything and everyone disappears
and it’s always you and me my dear
alone and together, a tale of two cities

but am I really enough satisfy your soul
you are forever young as I grow old
your company is not my company to keep
I’m not from the same set, so I can’t be the perfect piece
I’m only reminded of a time in your life where I didn’t exist
when you disappear from me on sporadic weekend trips
I want to have you all to myself
and you share a piece of you with everyone else
sometimes I feel lost in your priorities, even though I’m still one
but then I know that’s selfish of me, I’m headstrong
no matter how much we have going on, nothing is secure
there’s no weight even on things we planned before
something else comes up and you’re ready to ride
and I feel like scraps tossed to the side
but we’ve always been a tale of two cities
two very different personalities
what offends me doesn’t offend you
and there’s different meaning in the same things we pursue
yet we are so perfect, me and you
and we’re going to do what we do
we never rest knowing the other is hurt
and we always figure it out and make things work

Cocaine Sadness

I know i’m not good enough
I can tell from your lack of touch
you don’t have to continue the lies
I can see it in your eyes
with me you seem so unsatisfied
and after so much rejection, a part of me died
I’ve lost my drive to really try
and its not a secret why
my touch doesn’t faze you
you don’t budge at my expressions of love
affection is a foreign concept in our relationship
I still love you, but I’m beginning to hate it
I still love you, but how long can I take it

you’re my drug, without you I’m going through withdrawal
you were my rise but I’m beginning to fall
my high is gone and I need another fix
but I’m not your number one interest
I’m not enough even when I thought I was
try to dilute my dependency, this habit
but then I fall into a cocaine sadness

I’m begging for your touch, but still nothing
you say you like it rough, isn’t that something
cause no matter what I do, the results are the same
we talk it through, but i learn not to expect any change
I try to be your man, but I feel like I’m constantly failing
do you see the damage from all the rejection I’ve taken
I’m not good enough to satisfy you
I don’t want your pity, but I can’t deny you
so I pretend that your desire is real
and that you feel the passion I feel
sometimes it feels real and convincing
but my reality is only real in being fiction

why do men stray? and why do you stay?
out of weakness, out of desire
to feel a touch, to feel loved
to feel wanted is all I ever wanted
but I feel alone and haunted
by the ghosts of everyone else you wanted
everyone you gave yourself to
because they were able to do what I can’t for you
so why waste your time in this comfort zone
when I can’t even satisfy you at home
I promised myself to do the best I can
but I’m no good if I don’t feel like part of your plan
my shortcomings slowly destroys the man I was
I spend each homecoming knowing I’m not enough.

Loyal to Myself

For so long I thought i had the answers for myself
I don’t
Use to convince myself I would be fine without help
I won’t
think the more I let get close, I would overdose on friendship
so if anyone posed a threat of exposing me, it ended
I kept myself well defended, always pretending
what I got was enough because I committed so little
but hated the feeling of playing second fiddle
make myself significant to those I wanted to mean something to
but didn’t know what I already meant, and to who
I heard everyone’s value and wanted to hear mine too
my worth was never verbally expressed
and I’m not one to settle for second best
so when the time came and it was put to the test
so common was I associated with fail
and I learned when it was time to bail

Dynamics change with every given situation
and I think about which archetype I’m replacing
or who I will eventually be replaced with
cause let’s face it, disaster strikes when I’m involved
I’m the riddle that has no means of being solved
since I never know when I have enough
and sometimes I give, take, say too much
or I sometimes say all the right things
knowing how to get under one’s skin
not knowing when to stop or where to begin
sometimes is hard to understand my position
or how you end up in the one I put you in

I’m lost just looking for a home
somewhere I won’t be alone
I’ll be trouble if you take me in
but that’s where life really begins
I’ll challenge you to do better
while remaining Ioyal to myself forever

I don’t want to compete for what I already have
or for the things I should of had
never has anything ever really been mine
not my life, my girl, my time
so I wander as I wonder where I belong
still unclaimed after so long
insecurely penciling the words to this song
reassurance is always in short supply
with an abundance of reasons to cry
making life harder than it needs to be
just to say life wasn’t easy for me
to relate to the suffering I can’t get through
to live the dreams I once never knew

Monster #5

Think twice, this is the two headed beast
with equal appetites to feast
the good and the bad
owning everything you once had
there’s no where to hide
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
introducing…monsters number 5

you think you know us and you really should
I’m here to say you deserve everything good
to remind you, you’re worth it
and for the things you want, sometimes you have to work for it
not everything comes easy, believe me
but be humble, be patient, don’t be greedy…
fuck what that beast said, the world wants you dead
everybody is against you
they go to church, just to repent you
I am your only real friend
your alone in this world, beginning to end
life should never have been this rough
why should anything be this tough?!
I say you sit back and wallow
let’s drown in the comfort of our sorrow

you have so much going for you, just got to put a foot forward
sometimes things try to hold you back, that’s when you floor it
got to lift yourself up and get distance from the negativity
don’t let this monster convince you to live with self pity

don’t let his tricks make you think life can be fixed
so high and mighty trying to make you see your worth
by making you do so much extra work
think about all the times you’ve been hurt
every time you fall, its his fault
making you feel good is his trap, don’t get caught

Life sucks and we both know it
all bad things happen to you
why would you even want to continue
the trend hasn’t been changing
just sit here and keep waiting
trust me, I won’t dare misguide you
I just know there is so much we can’t do…

sometimes you have to fall to learn a lesson
experience can sometimes be a blessing
you need to see what I see in you
can’t dwell on what others have done to you
feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere
don’t let any of us take you there

False Route

Are you listening to what I have to say
are you lending me your ears
can you hear my words today
or are they lost among our peers
those who try to misguide you
counter every time I try to guide you
but we are both wrong
cause only you can guide you
you have to make the choice
you have to be your voice
cause despite how much I try to protect
every idea you eventually reject

You don’t have to be down and out
no need to go down that false route
not when the choice is yours to make
not when the opportunity is yours to take

we can learn from the experience of others
you don’t have to make the same mistake as another
but you can’t really see it that way
and all I’m really trying to say
is, once in a while
look before you leap
think before you speak
cause you are repeating the same decisions
that trapped them in their prison
unable to grow expand their mind
instead trying to justify how they spend their time
why voluntarily repeat the same crimes?
one decision can be the turning point
make or break you and your legacy
just ask, how do I want them to remember me

Nothing in life is ever gonna be perfect
but don’t you think the right decisions are worth it
don’t you think you deserve it
prove you can do better
better for your self, better for your health
have no doubt about the life you live
we all do more losing than winning
but respect the life that you are given
show that it really matters to you
incorporate a thanks in the things you do
you represent much more than yourself
as part of humanity, you represent everyone else

Bitter Days

everyone thinks they know best
carry that feeling in their chest
that sense of entitlement
as some proudly represent
A bitter taste for life to start
bitter days for those empty at heart

God controls everything that goes on
until something goes wrong
then this wasn’t God’s design
this is not what they had in mind
how could things not go their way
they not having it, no way
so they take matters into their own hands
and it never goes as planned
looking for someone to blame
embarrassed and put to shame
so they try to deal another the same pain
seeking lightning over shelter in the rain

Forgetting what they have when it’s there
they want love, but don’t want to care
a contradiction to their convictions
an oxymoron for the clever moron
a paradox, they won’t go until time stops
progress is a foreign concept
that they all seem to neglect
no regard for the kindness to others
but still they demand respect
everything has to be the way they say
and God isn’t real if He doesn’t answer every word they pray

They hold bitterness and hatred
to issues so outdated
their struggle is theirs alone
thinking no one else can relate
the cast a dark cloud around those who hold them dear
then ask why friends can’t be found anywhere
they want pity when life starts feeling shitty
but are out of sight comes your bad night
hurting them still hurts you
even after everything they put you through
what more can you do?
hoping they would grow over time
for the hopeful, a lifetime to change
maybe one day something will change

Fire of Regret

so you fear a life with him

but still, you give in

you settle, racing against time

you tell yourself it’s fine

you could do worse

but its not what you wanted

hearing the cries from within

you are still haunted

by your own desires

polluting your own conscience

it is now a liar


You scream fire

its burning internally

you can’t spend eternity

thinking this is it

this is as good as it gets

burning with the fire of regret


a victim of your time

always living in a rush

can’t rewind when it gets rough

the damage is done

good deeds undone

they say he is not the one

you agree he is not the one

but you refuse to admit you’re wrong

because you have something to prove

trying to find the answer to, “who are you?”


you want something sophisticated

you had it, but replaced it

he wasn’t ideal enough

he was too real, called your bluff

made you see the value in life

but you feared the potential of being a wife

you wanted a bad boy

to party and pop bottles

to cheat on you with top models

to degrade and dismiss you

curse with the same lips that kiss you

ignoring all the warning signs

cause you’ve been committed all this time

refusing to acknowledge change is good

won’t leave even though you know you should


Gratitude For Sale

If they’re willing to pay

then you’re willing to play

sounds like prostitution

but it’s written in your constitution

branded in your system of beliefs

that if you do as they want

you’ll receive gratitude for your grief

but maybe you’re just not worth it

your status is beneath the money they worship

but no reason to mind giving them that time

if it means you’ll be richer by about a dime

flashbacks to the day you removed your spine

so that it’s easier for people to walk all over you

no backing out of doing what they want you to


Anything for a quick fix

even willing to make yourself sick

for some gratitude

they’re selling, you’re buying

as long as they’re supplying

you’ll never fail getting gratitude for sale


Thank you, thank you, they’re far too kind

or not, maybe you’re just far too blind

you give just to get something in return

taught not to play with fire, but you love the way it burns

so you find yourself in trouble frequently

surrounded by people with no decency

but you are no better, yourself

you expect something from everyone else

whether it’s gratitude or pity

because for them, you make yourself pretty

you make so many sacrifices

and it’s wrong if people don’t recognize this

you are everyone’s favorite power tool

it takes no effort for them to get the best of you


Keep doing what you do

they see nothing special about you

just plotting what move to make next

to capitalize on that naive organ in your chest

don’t know who you are trying to impress

burning yourself out

because you don’t know how to be without

50 best friends, 47 who pretend

but it’s all a numbers game

buying and selling affection with no shame


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