Tag Archives: lifestyle

Never Satisfied

I rise early with a mind full of thoughts
contemplating every decision I’ve ever made
every dollar spent, every penny saved
I should be rested, but I’m so tired
so restless from the chaos my mind conspires
tormented because I’ll never be satisfied
yet unimpressed by the thought of a perfect life
I feel the knife piercing the back of my head
when I lay down, I feel the weight of lead
the weight of the world on my shoulders
I close my eyes embracing the thought of it being over
there is so much to desire, fantasies so sublime
I want it all, all at once, or just over time
I can never make up my damn mind

I can’t be sure if she’ll ever be mine
I can’t be sure if I’ll have enough time
to live the life I want to live
cause I’ll never be satisfied knowing there’s more
I’m never satisfied just being alive

I apply logic to every decision I make
a rational approach to every action I take
not a man to live spur of the moment
there’s always a plan, premeditated, and I own it
but if spontaneity weighs on me
I know how to let go and be free
but that’s just not me on a daily basis
time creates opportunity, and I won’t waste it
there’s is always something on my mind
always seeking answers with the mentality seek and you shall find
I’m a know it all that still doesn’t know enough
the life of the party, but not entertaining enough
but nothing is enough, even when I have too much

I’m on a quest for more, my mind is never satisfied
a taste and hunger for more, insatiable appetite
I think I know what I want, but I’m not really sure
cause when I have it, I still want something more
and there is always something about the greener grass
I love everything that I have, but I also love her ass
I don’t want to own, yet I’m saving for a home
I want no debt, yet I date the queen of student loans
I make sense to myself, but to no one else
I’m selfish with everyone, but myself
I know what I want, but then I don’t
I know what I want, but I’m not really sure
I won’t be indecisive anymore
or will I?
I can’t be sure

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The One

I’m not a tyrant, I’m just disciplined
when something needs to be done, I’m the one
if I need to be somewhere, I’ll be there
on time and in my right mind
I’m a champion of self control
and a supporter of common sense
no indecision, no on the fence
I know what I want, but I have restraint
while others stupidity can’t be contained
my head remains subjectively sane
responsibility is in my nature
my morals and values don’t waiver

Everyone’s chasing a dream life
I’m staking the real thing
when everyone’s going for the win
I know that I’ve already won
I know that I’m the one…
the one I have to answer to
the one I pander to
the one I know I have to be
but not for anyone but me

If I’m moving forward, it’s the right direction
two steps back, decisive re-evaluation
deliberate hesitation to analyze the situation
if something is to be gained, it’s mine for the taking
I’ve made numerous mistakes, if I’m not mistaken
my heart beats, but it feels stone cold
I give and take what I need to reach my goal
I’m not a failure even if I don’t succeed
life lets me down, but still gives me what I need
I live beyond a day at a time
a see a future that I want to be mine
not a sense of entitlement, but a sense of purpose
hearing the term worthless could not be worth any less
because idiots can always compound words
but if I don’t listen, they never have to be heard

I have no bucket list, I will be content with the life I live
whether I see the world or just the universe
I know I did what I wanted, I lived
and I won’t do it all, but life could be worse
I’m a champion for not caving to the pressure
I tell myself “don’t be someone else for someone else
unless for you, that person brings out your best self”
I’m my own definition of a self improvement project
I can always learn more, do more, but what for?
I’m not an advocate for perfection, but resurrection
reinvention within the realm of my own imagination
I can and will live my life the way I intend it
even if I chose to amend it
I live for my own reasons, and will never resent it

No Win, Just Lose

you bring the drugs you sell into our home
I should let you be on your own
what if something happens when our daughter’s home
and the people you deal with didn’t like the hand they were dealt
pay you a visit at our home to show you how they really felt
would it really be worth all the profit you made
if you lose the people you were meant to save
you bring an inevitable danger into our home
and pretend that it affects you and you alone
family is suppose to look out for each other’s best interest
but your interest is in maintaining your business

 

I’m suppose to be ok with the company you keep
because to you, they are family, so to speak
and I should want to be guilty by association
without any consideration, there is no negotiation
it’s either I’m in or I’m not
but no matter what it brings, you won’t stop
you already suffered the consequence of their recklessness
and you still think whatever happens is for the best
they taught you how to abuse and use people
and think its ok because it’s not them but you who chose to
sure you pulled the trigger, but who taught you how to load the gun
then handed it to you and showed you where to point it
gave you permission to treat people like shit, my point is

 

In this business there is no win, just lose
watch loyalty to the family you choose
they got your back for as long as they claim you
but they’ll put you down if they can’t tame you

 

How much of your past is influenced by their presence
the evolution of your morals shaped by their lessons
a complete disregard of all the scars left on others
but none of it matters, because these are your brothers
the impact they have on society carries no weight in your eyes
because you will never see the tears their victims’ mothers cries
you won’t witness the blood in the streets where bodies lie
but you’re loyal to a fault, look the other way to avoid cutting ties
knowingly ignorant, pretending to be oblivious
when is enough, enough
you got a double standard for fam with no standards
you wan’t the world to be a better place
but it won’t until you accept the reality you face

Second Thoughts

Are you happy in your current situation?
are the smiles real or are you faking?
are you going places or are you complacent?
settling because you already made it this far
you share the same bed, 2 kids, a car
no reason to give it all up and start over
not when nothing else is secured
but how can you be sure this is it?
is this where you begin or where you quit?

think twice before you take that dive
a second thought before you become his wife
he says your not a good person
you tell yourself this won’t worsen
does anything about this moment feel right
or are you hoping it all changes overnight

are you just comfortable because this is easy?
don’t have to worry about the unexpected
you know exactly what you’re getting
are you forgetting all the things you don’t want?
all those times you wished things were different
even if it were the same situations with someone different
you would be more motivated to try to make it work
there’s a difference in that and then just letting it hurt
let everything fail on it’s own so he can leave on his own
no guilt, no struggle, no consequences for actions not taken
why blame yourself when there is always someone else?

how can this be the wrong person after so many years?
what are you missing, maybe the void when you’re kissing
the signs were always there, is this freedom or is it prison
if it’s so easy to connect and take comfort in someone else
maybe it’s the perfect time to start listening to yourself
your actions are not agreeing with the words you say, its time to take off
you invested so much and you’re waiting to see the pay off
but what if you’re wrong for waiting?
there is value in being patient
but stupidity in over staying as payment
because you feel indebted to someone else
how can you live for another when you wont live for yourself?

Where the Truth Lies

why do I have to be strong when you can’t be
turn to weakness in your one moment of clarity
there are those that choose to do better
and then there are those that drown with the weather
your clutch, taking comfort in failure
once you’ve had enough, call on your savior
but you are no different from anyone else
do the same as everyone else
and I thought you were different
but I was wrong, it was only wishful thinking
years of an idea of you that no longer existed
a reality that was doomed to become fictitious

what separates you from anyone else
all the lies on top of lies, buried where the truth lies
when have you ever been yourself?
your decisions have become your prison
you’ve made choices you knew you would regret
and I have to live with the ones I can’t forget

I had higher hopes because you gave me hope
but now I feel a fool, the punchline to a bad joke
I thought there was something special
but the more I learn it’s like I’ve never met you
the stranger found throughout my life
and to think, you were to be my light
the truth hurts, it digs and pry
but I can’t explain to myself why
and neither can you, explain to me why
why oh why do we even try
when I want all thoughts of you to die
why do I want to forgive
when you have nothing left to give
my perfect vision no longer has reason to live

it comes crumbling down to the ground
the foundation of our foundation filled with cracks
my world turned upside down by a different you
nightmares about a past I knew I didn’t want for you
cast to the side, so there was nothing you had to hide
living life knowing it didn’t matter if we were alright
I was a hindrance, just another person in the way
and that’s how it played out in the games you didn’t play
but rather the games you ruled over without say

One Night Stand

you wear that dress and I want to be single again
you take it off and I want to be more than a friend
it’s more than just talk, I have means to an end
the way you work it gives me a new purpose
the trouble it would cause almost seems worth it
we probably wouldn’t treat each other right
but I just want to love you if only for a night
fuck you like love at first sight
I’d give it all just to know what you feel like
you got that cake and I just want a bite
and if sacrifices are to be made
I’m ok with any price to be paid

I just want to be an animal with you
we only want to keep it physical
we touch, we fuck in and out of love
we don’t stop til we get enough
it’s just a one night stand
one night closer to being your man

you wear those pants and I get a rise
and the way it shows your shape and hugs your thighs
please forgive the sinning being done by my eyes
I don’t want to compete with your past
but I would for those brains and that ass
I would do all the things he’s never done
it’s always you being served and first to come
because I want to cater to your every desire
I’m available for hire and ready to retire
from the games that men and women play
but only if you decide to come my way
I won’t do all the things he’s done
that was second rate and we come second to none

 
we’re not compatible but I still want to be bad with you
my fantasies about you are becoming habitual
we can do all the things you never thought you would
how could I turn down what feels so right, so good
I think it’s time we discussed an international affair
as you become a frequent flyer, ride with me in the air
and watch us take off and make off, no destination in mind
all that matters is that we’re in the right place and time
it doesn’t have to make sense, there is no hesitation
the things we’ll do have no salvation
there is no saving us from each other
and we don’t need saving when we have one another
we can just try each other out, if just for a night
and if it feels right, then we can discuss the rest of our life

F.E.A.R. (Forget Everything, Act Reckless)

Living careless isn’t the same as living fearless
so let’s not pretend you couldn’t care less
we’ll see how that mentality changes with a family
you are no longer just living for your self
every action you take affects someone else
treating my rationality as a character flaw
like its out of fear and will be my fall
your ignorance apparently makes you invincible
and my knowledge is just an excuse to you
the benefit it’s brought becomes invisible

so let’s smoke, let’s drink, let’s jump off a bridge
cause that’s the only way to live
let’s steal, let’s cheat, let’s die
cause that’s the only way to feel alive
what’s life without a death-wish
forget everything and act reckless

Let’s make mistakes we don’t have to make
because there’s no greater way to test fate
let’s only believe what you want to believe when you want to
ignore religion, science, history, cause consistency has no value
I’m the coward because sometimes I choose to look before I leap
and understand the value of think before you speak
and you’re the brave one that can do no wrong
fearless and careless, makes you the epitome of strong
you’re so brave cause you only live for today
there is no plan for the very next day
just label me as the ball and chain
cause attached to my spine is a brain

I’m a protector, a defender, the lender
but to common sense, no one surrenders
I’m sorry, but no apologies
don’t expect help or pity from me
if you suffer from your own stupidity
I don’t need to hear how it all fell apart
when you ignored me from the start

Play On

I march to the beat of my own drum
then I pick up the pace and begin to run
but I don’t know what I’m running from
or maybe its what I’m running towards
I take that blind leap of faith
trusting God will keep me safe
I sometimes fall, but I always survive
I’m not ready to die so I’m still alive
I’m not afraid of death, but of dying too soon
I’m bleeding out, an open wound
a sign that life still flows through me
in this moment, I’m hollow, but not yet empty
and when I’m gone I leave a scar
to remind this world that I’ve come so far

I’ve been on this path for so long
i just let the drum play on
the beat sets the pace
competing in a race already lost to time
one day will come, one day I will have mine

what am I afraid of?
never changing from what I changed to
the monster I became to make you
the angel I impersonated to take you
afraid it’s too late to become someone new
we never met if I’m not the person you once knew
I am the leader of an army of one
who wants to understand me, the lost son
from a different place, a different time
the only truth I know is mine
a war machine created to keep peace
but I spread conflict like a disease
flood the world with hope and faith
but watch it waste away and evaporate

Fueled by all the wrong I’ve done
and the wrong that has yet to come
I try to do right, like I can redeem my light
which burns dimly cause I’m my worst enemy
my potential is what I envy
so many things that I pretend to be
hoping that it eventually brings out a better me
but I am exactly what I chose to be
in the time I’ve been given to change
I’ve only reflected on those I thought I protected
and there comes a time when I’m rejected
and its humbling to know where failure begins
is when they start to open up and let me in

War in the Sanctuary

I’m starving for knowledge so teach me
enlighten me, and preach to me
show me how my ways are wrong
how corrupt my soul has become
show me how to shun my brother
because I took one path and he took another
encourage me to judge another for a lifestyle
because I’m too innocent to see for myself, like a child
tell me that my idea of peace is wrong
cause you think numbers makes you strong
make me sign up for war and kill to serve my country
cause it makes God proud to fight in another man’s army?

you don’t want to be near me
saying I bring war to the sanctuary
you don’t want anyone to hear me
my words ignite war in the sanctuary
my truth brings chaos to your people
but I am not evil, just an informed equal

feed me the contradictions of the system
that turn its back when you aren’t with them
we can’t agree on how to live life
when I’m viewed as wrong and you as right
I am the dark and you the light
we fight to achieve a peace we can’t reach
let me be a teacher and teach
we don’t need to discriminate
we don’t need to hate
simply because we can not relate
cause deep down we all really can
him, you, her, them, we are all man

We use words to justify our despicable actions
misinterpret them to encourage reactions
we are so wrong and we know it
intolerant and so quick to show it
unaware and un-accepting of our behavior
thinking you are the highly favored
what about your brothers and sisters
fighting the exact same war
what good are they for
if you don’t stand beside them
but for their differences, deny them
I am no antagonist, just a friend
and will be so through the end

Monster #6

I fear nothing and conquer all
I can either be your rise or fall
choose to embrace me or face me
challenge me and I will destroy you
accept me and I will employ you
you do as I will
you do as I command
I am # 6, and you, a mere man
I am the best at being bad
I am the greatest thing you ever had
I’m in control now, your mind is on hold now
I do all of your thinking
can you tell me what we’re thinking?

Scary, isn’t it?
how good I am at what I do
I am so determined to ruin you
I am every dream you pursue
I make it all come true
so you should be kind to me
there is nothing else behind me
I am the end, the finality
and we are attached at the spine you see
so if I fall, you will die with me
obey and you get immortality

I am the guilty pleasure of your soul
the reason you will never grow old
the reason against all reasonable decisions
this is the world I allow you to live in
why you think you are better than everyone else
has nothing to do with me, and that’s all on yourself
loaded, cocked, and full of arrogance
I am # 6, the best there is…

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