What You Were Before Pt. 2 (Before We Were Anything)

I want my friend, but we are always involved
why won’t your passion for me dissolve
I try to show you my dark side, my flaws
but you just ignore and brush them off
you’ve created this illusion
and our relationship gets confusing
this back and forth, this tug of war
between your mind and your heart
is somehow playing with my heart
I know I don’t help the situation
cause maybe I’m afraid to face it
so I make it easy for you to chase it
but this thing you think we have
it’s not what you want so bad

You aren’t entitled, but embattled
I don’t want to have to
don’t want to break your heart
I’ll love you forever, my friend
but before we were anything
we always had our end

It hurts me as much as it hurts you
knowing I can’t make your dreams true
I know I don’t make it easy
but you’ll continue to blame me
and maybe one day hate me
but maybe it is for the best
if it lets you put thoughts of us to rest
we both play the same games
but with me you say it’s not the same
it’s a shame, took this long to admit it to ourselves
we are both right for someone else

Think seeing less of me will make it easy
but I am not easy to forget, hard to regret
what we once were was nothing more
than a performance we chose to endure
we both chose to entertain
I just happened to be better at this game
I took what you created and did nothing but exaggerate it
I’m sorry for your heart ache, your heart break
but this is not an apology for your conscience mistakes
I admit at times, we were both wrong
but it’s time you stopped listening to this siren’s song


20.) My Resignation (Blue)

I will not be your comfort zone
I will no longer be a 2nd home
when you want somewhere to be
that place will no longer be with me
you let me down in such a destructive way
so full of games that I will not play
for too long I entertained
all the screwed up things in your brain
all of the hypocrisy that I let slide
because it was in me you confide
the lies I told to protect you from yourself
the lengths I went for no one else

the pain that I endured
because you gave me no closure
never told me it was over
left me alone, feeling so wrong
it’s time I resign and move on

I won’t be there by your side
I won’t check if you’re alright
you lost the right, to have the best of me
you don’t even deserve my worst
it was you who abandoned me first
I was always there in your time of need
but not once did you ask about me
never showed interest in how I was doing
left me to find out on my own, I’m not the man you’re pursuing
sabotaged a good thing, left us as a ruin
hurt people, hurt people and I get that
but it’s not like you ever wanted me back
never expressed any remorse
for the course you took with me, your friend
not once did you explain why we reached an end

If you took responsibilities for your actions
I’m sure none of this would have happened
even if things didn’t work out between us
we would still have some sort of trust
some type of bond, someone to lean on
but don’t come to me looking for help
I leave you as you left me, alone, by yourself
you were never there when I needed you
only around if it benefited you
your sincerity has lost all value
I don’t trust a word that comes from you
you stand by your claim of integrity
but your heart is hollow, you’re shallow, you’re empty
and I’ve dealt with your bullshit plenty
now pretend like you never met me
because to me, you are a void in my memory


18.) So Easy (Blue)

If I was such a good person
why was it so easy for you to leave me?
was it just because I was so kind to you
you were only nice to please me?

Why was it so easy for you to deceive me?
so easy for you to mislead me?
so easy for you to mistreat me?
greedy for affection, so did you need me?
to feed your ego until you were ready to let go?
Did I make it so easy for you to leave me?

I thought you were someone to depend on
but you showed me that I was so wrong
and I believed you were so strong
but turned out to be so cowardly
so afraid that you would hurt me
that you chose to desert me
without any closure
it was over

It’s so easy for me to say I hate you
but all this pain I know you can relate too
still you did what you did anyway
involved me in the games you play
and it was so easy for me to stay
so easy for you to have my heart
and so easy for us to fall apart
so easy for you to move on after so long
so hard for me to comprehend what went wrong

15.) Blue

depression sets in

I accept that your heart, I cannot win

I’ve lost, I’m lost

I am missing, left in a void


avoid me, my broken soul

I grow bitter and I grow cold

a broken man, yet again in repair

because you could not care

you would not fight as I fought

and you were the warrior? I thought

my vision of you is disrupted

the sadness you bring goes uninterrupted

it consumes me as it once engulfed you

we are now one in the same…Blue


dejected in the prime of our lives

rejected, tears fill our eyes

hollow to this common feeling of rejection

this is heartbreak’s resurrection

8.) Green

I am envious, I am jealous
you make me act pretentious
I am proud, yet you made me insecure
am I the only one touching you anymore?
I want you more than time itself
but I am alone in my feelings, by myself
was this not our chance to know
I thought there was the light that told me to go
you make your past prospects into my enemy
seeming more into them than you were ever into me
I can’t compete with your countrymen
that is a battle I would never win
I am irrelevant in your presence
I just want to be part of your present
love me
feed my need for your affection
quench my misguided obsession
I only desire your attention

The man who gets to marry you
sleep and wake up next to you
that brings you joy and cause you pain
I envy that he does not have my name

Green is the color of envy, guilt, and greed
green is what you have given me in my time of need