Humble Ambitions (The Reformed Recluse)

I’ve been holding back tears for months now, maybe years
so many fears I’ve tasted, but I’m afraid to face it
keep it all bottled up pretending not to give a fuck
but I give a fuck, just my luck
I’m stuck in the places I said I would never find myself
cowering in the darkness, afraid to face the light
I saw it all coming, did nothing with that foresight
I knew it would all come back on me, so I put the blame on me
my not so evil deeds have garnered me some enemies
but the greatest one of all is me
I want to succeed, make a name for myself
but not succumb to greed like everyone else
then I look in a mirror and see how helpless I’ve become
but there’s still potential and I can see the job ain’t done

All I have are my demons, they remind me of who I am
who I was suppose to be with my poorly executed plan
tame your demons and they will cease
I’ve tamed mine, yet I still have no peace
but an insatiable hunger, always ready to feast
humble ambitions are part of God’s plan
if I’m me, then I’m the right man
the right place is wherever I stand
if I can, then I will
executing life, I’m going for the kill

Not submissive, but non confrontational
guess my drive is a bit situational
I can be motivated one moment but not the next
be on top of the world and still not flex
but then be down and out and still find something to brag out
I want to do big things but this world won’t allow me to
I just have to take it, tuck my head and push through
takes a certain amount of confidence
it takes the right amount of arrogance
to overcome the right amount of self-doubt
something that I could do without
a hindrance to make something of myself
instead of wasting time thinking about everyone else

Honor my wife by being ambitious
my dreams are sacred no time to be sacrilegious
honor my mother by living the life she gave me
paving a better path for my baby
live up to my father by working harder
harder than I need to
without losing sight of the window
whether I’m on the outside looking in
or inside looking out thinking this is what life’s about
sometimes failure feels so damn loud
but I hope to make myself proud


Self-Destructive (The Cool Kids)

I know what it’s like to watch your heroes fall
see their true colors, flaws and all
my name is Paul and I’ve failed to live up to my potential
I’m a psycho residential with a dark destiny
yesterday was a brighter day, but nightfall rests in me
impatient and unpredictable in a life so cyclical
read my story but don’t expect it to be biblical
I’m far from average, but not in the way you’d hope
I’m the punchline, life’s a fucking joke…

My name is Jacob and I’ve let myself down
I drown day in and day out in a sea of self pity
life can be shit and the way I cope is shitty
I entertain the guilty pleasures
the women, the drugs, the liquor
my heart is heavy, my veins are empty
I want to forget who I am
before I remember that I once had a plan
so let me indulge in the good life, get good high
wide awake, doing whatever it takes to get by
I’m all about that material life
and I must admit I like strife
my name is Kerri, this is my confessional
I’m the best at being fucked up, I’m a professional
I let them love me then I play mind games
I’m ill spirited, just doing it for the fame
appetite for the glory, listen to my upstart story
I’m self-made, look at the monster I’ve created
every time I thought about doing better, I hesitated
I only know one way, right or wrong, that’s my way
I know I should do better, but not today
I throw myself into work and twerk mentality, cause reality hurts and saddens me…

my name is Sarah, twin sister of Tara
she’s so self confident, so secure
I’m the rebel child, they label me the whore
but the difference is I’m a little less conservative
Tara worships God, but I don’t worship ish
and that puts a strain on my familial relationships
they hate me, they judge me, they feel superior
they see what’s on the surface, not the interior
I’m treated as a pariah for my freedom of thought
the irony of the persecution from those who can’t walk what they talk
so I bully those for those who bully me
I believe in a me first economy
and say fuck the religious philosophy

All the cool kids say:

we fall on our knees pleading
life’s too hard, we’re conceding
let us give up on society
shaping us to be looked down upon
let’s close our eyes and all be gone…

flawed til the day we fall
we were constructed to be self-destructive
so we say fuck it
live the life we lead
live it how we please


I look in the mirror
but don’t see the monster
that has everyone in terror
just someone with questions
a curiosity never satisfied
a heart broken for the rest of his life
seeking just a bit of understanding
anyone willing to listen with acceptance
he’s just a man
lay down your weapons

demonize every action one man makes
dehumanize every single mistake
destroy everything that ever was before
delight in the aftermath evermore
deconstruct and cancel his life
because you don’t understand why

He’s haunted by things he hasn’t done yet
because of a past no one lets him forget
a future he’ll live to regret
cruel and unkind, the heartbreak of others
alone, forgiveness is looking bleak
he’s committed crimes of which we don’t speak
the monsters are feeling brave
the demons are starting to show face
the spirit is broken, its about to cave
he has no hope, no where is safe

so many voices going through his head
live to love right or just drop dead
failure is not an option
so what does he do with everyone watching
he concede, there’s only accepting defeat
gives up because there is no living it right
no one is ever truly satisfied
he’s longed for peace and seeks to end the sorrow
life is only borrowed, his to be returned tomorrow

House Collapse/Paradise Lost

So many hours went into securing the foundations
taking the proper steps to ensure stable relations
we moved slow even with open roads ahead
but you moved full speed with the ideas in your head
we used to make light about certain things
but I saw the darkness in you that light brings
we started out as a means to an end
then we turned out to be great friends
but greatness was undone by a terrible trend
you making everything about yourself
the purest of intentions could be for no one else
my actions have to be about you because to me you mean something
or is everything about you because I truly mean nothing
was any of this really time well spent
you’ve always been apprehensive of my intent
you had a high cost, now hearing your name makes me tense
there was a price to pay and now I’m spent

we went from making to becoming history
you targeted our foundation like it was premeditated
like I’ve wronged you in a way that wasn’t communicated
but we’re adults, I thought we’d discuss problems properly
but in your eyes, I’m a thief of your happiness, stole your intellectual property
I don’t get the benefit of the doubt
before the words came out your mouth
false realities bring truth to false prophecies
you succeeded if your goal was to topple me, gain sympathy
but you also did manage to execute an end to us
and I just don’t think you gave a fuck
maybe its not real, that’s just how I feel
my heart’s broken, I don’t know how to heal
there’s a savagery in you I can’t compete with
there’s no proper ending…fuck, I can’t complete this…

I am the villain in your eyes
I destroyed your paradise
if only you knew how much I gave to you
how much you meant, how much I would do
I prayed that I would never lose a friend again
but it all falls down
our house still collapsed in the end

I’ve made decisions that jeopardizes our friendship
I’ve been conflicted on how to approach this
its been ridiculous and I’m tired of being the antagonist
I’ve lost a good friend and feel like shit
I’m angry, I’m confused, I’m upset
but I can’t pretend this isn’t a matter of respect
things were said that I won’t forget
I was in a tough place, choosing between the two
but I put family first, choosing her over you
I can apologize for any miscommunication
but I don’t think that remedies our situation
I can apologize for everything
and it doesn’t change anything
cause I’d be the only apologetic one
in matters where I felt no one was wrong
but you felt that I was the only one
I was inconsiderate, I can’t be trusted
well, damn, I could just say fuck it, but…
it doesn’t leave me satisfied
knowing you will never understand why
you’ll never know how much I really valued you
if only you believed anything I said was true
I wish we could of talked face to face
I admit you are someone I can’t replace
I don’t like how far apart we’re getting at this pace
reduced to admiring you from a faraway place

We are a paradise lost, potential untapped
and I don’t know if we can go back
what we once were was real to me
now your absence brings me peace but leaves me empty
I’m in my head and my world is filled with silence
at war with my inaction, so much violence
I don’t know what to make of this inconsequential crisis
waiting to see what time heals when left to its own devices
I just know I’m tired of fighting, I don’t want to do it no more
but I shouldn’t stop you from walking through that door

our house collapsed, our paradise is lost

Not Your Everyday Man

Why am I so caught up in a world that doesn’t notice me?

single, no girl, but future desire for a family

quiet and reserved, but still like the attention

disciplined, but never through detention

I work hard for all that I desire

no one knows what fuels my fire

I just keep burning, with no signs of letting up

not easily phased, sometimes I just don’t give a fuck

easily annoyed, but others see me as patient

they just haven’t been in my way yet

cross me and expect all the shit you get

I keep to myself to avoid conflict

cause with me, they don’t want it


I’m not a guy’s guy

or a ladies man

I am not a leader

I am not a follower

I’m someone’s son

someone’s brother

I am what I am

not your everyday man


people say I don’t talk enough

but I think they talk too much

I take my time, never in a rush

never in a rush

so don’t rush me

I’m not touchy, but don’t touch me

don’t want to invade my personal space

I’ll make sure you reconsider that mistake

got a reputation for always being punctual

so don’t mess with my time

I don’t waste yours, so don’t fuck with mine

I know where I want to be

and I know how to get there

anyone can stand against me

but I’m driven so I don’t care

second guess me?…don’t you dare


I’m a passive asshole

sarcastic, but always rational

I make a lot of sense

even when I don’t make sense

I don’t fake, I don’t pretend

I’m blunt, but people can’t handle that

they ask for the truth, but then can’t give it back

I’ve loss my filter over the years

as I became more comfortable around my peers

or maybe I just no longer care what others think

because so much of it never makes sense

contradictions to everything they represent

but at the same time I’m a nice guy

don’t ask why…I’m just what I am


19.) The Letter (Blue)

540 days after we first met, 186 days after we first kissed…

you became an illusion

an idea I should dismiss

your kisses irrelevant

because they no longer represent

who we both thought you were

a different woman from the one I fell for…


I care about you more than others could comprehend

I would of fought for you til the very end

I did for you what no one else would

I was the only one to believe you were any good

but this makes no difference to you

so I can no longer pursue

this one sided affair

You’ve shown how little you care

how little you have invested

how ugly you can really be

you were too unstable to mess with

so I place that blame on me


So much sacrifice

trying to get it right

our future looked so bright


a bulb blew as I write about you tonight…


there’s not much left to say

as your lack of response

it said more than enough

I wrote you too many times

not to hear one word

you wanted someone to write

and that’s why this hurts

none of this made any sense

but I can no longer expend

time on a false, conditional friend

we have reached the end of our time

I’ve written my final letter…I resign


Mirror Me

I look in your eyes and see how much you resent me
giving that lost gaze that makes me feel empty
a weakened version of the Lord’s reflection
losing my way and begging for direction
I know who I am and that’s the price I pay
been on my own path for so long, to this world I’m a stray
I am not them, the stereotypical demographic
I cannot win, repeating my own bad habits
never seeing my true face, so how can I face myself?
living in disgrace from the lies I tell
to protect those that I feel are less accountable
just to hear the words, “we count on you”
I was a role model, before they really knew me
and now its their hate that fuels me
you see me as a vacant and hollow shell
void of emotion and destined for hell

you don’t need a mirror to see me
there is no choice but for you to be me
trapped being your counterpart for eternity
release and free me, your failures don’t concern me
I don’t need this, it’s you who yearns to be me
I’m not at fault for you feeling so empty
I am the true self, no one else is you
no one sees the real me but you
I’m your shadow, I’m your reflection
I’m what’s missing when you’re lost of direction
I’m voicing your thoughts, when I speak, you listen
not poison to your heart, just a victim in your prison
your un-doing will be the day that I’m done
you know you only exist because I exist
now tell me that ignorance isn’t bliss
the defeat you are never willing to accept
making calculated moves to have no regrets
your obsession with time is an obsession of mine
I am the reason you don’t swear, the reason you don’t care
but do it all for them at the same time
please their heart, but fuck with their mind
you are everything that I want you to be
and I am all those things because you are me

There is always room to improve who I am
but that doesn’t mean I’m anything short of a good man
it’s right to say I am you and you are me
but understand, I am the man that I want to be
I make my decisions well aware of the consequences
I’m don’t bow down to obstacles, I climb the tall fences
Look in my eyes, challenge me to what you choose
if I don’t accept it, it’s not because I’m afraid to lose
Only to the Lord and myself do I ever have something to prove
my life is not something to play with, to me its not a game
I’ve seen too much in myself, haunted by the persistent pain
I am my harshest critic, so before you judge me, take a ticket
wait in line til it’s your time to experience the curse that I’m blessed with
they think of me as a monster, maybe it’s my reflection that’s aggressive
but I’m a beast in my own right, so the pureness in my heart is not to be tested
I am who I am and everything you want me to be, your sins reflected

mirror me and see what I see
walk in my shoes, stand beside me
do as I do, share my pain
face your reflection and never look at me the same