Burning the Pages

forgive me, I have lied to you
truth is, no one is more divine than you
but I make mistakes it’s true
I try to protect who I love
when my mind has had enough
thinking you don’t need the burden
of all the reason’s my soul’s hurting
I’m cursing the fact I’ve disappointed you
we were so high and I let you down
your cries haunt me with such a poignant sound

my suffering does not need to be yours
but now it comes off as if I’ve locked all doors
I’ve lost your trust with my guilty omissions
my judgement has been clouded with toxic emissions
I’ve only ever want you to be content and satisfied
but I always felt like a failure, no matter how hard I tried
I talk until I find the words that make sense
but I see you’ve put up an impenetrable fence
I am no longer deserving, no longer worth it
I had it all and then I forfeited

I’m burning all the pages
the story of all ages
I’m baring my soul, no more secrets
here it is, if you choose to keep it
I fear to know what the future holds
the truth isn’t so clear, but it’s being told

you’ve been so good to me
but not perfect, and that I love to see
haunted by a time you used to love me
life used to be so easy
when we lied to ourselves that everything is alright
that we don’t have to cry, we don’t have to fight
no one is right, but I am wrong baby
there is a light, but it won’t save me
I shall disappear like the memories of everyone else
and I don’t blame you one bit for protecting yourself

What Was Said

we used to be good friends
and we had a good thing
I thought you had let me in
I hate that we end, but love is where we begin
impressed by your impressions
your eyes, your smile, your dimples
added complexity to a life too simple
your mind complimented mine
not that you knew how to receive a compliment of mine
but its the little things that made the difference
and differences are what brought about our end
if only you knew, to me, I’m losing a best friend

how do we come back from what was said
I’ve made my peace, you’ve made your bed
we said what was said and sometimes we can take it back
what was said went a little too far
what was said showed us who we really are
we said what was said, and then we were off track
derailed for good, some things we can’t take back

I let so few people in my circle
I know I may of been hard work for you
I thought there was a mutual understanding
that we’re together no matter what happens
we were having such a good run
too many memories to discount all the fun
I became addicted to your personality
we were comfortable, you did away with the formality
we were filled with natural chemistry
signaling everything that was meant to be
I can’t tell where it all went wrong
and I’m still figuring out how to move on
but I know this will be our swan song

I wish things could of been different in the end
I wish you were still my friend
I can tell you that so much will change
now that you are so far out of range
I personally thought you made my life better
but relationships can change like the weather
you switched on me like we had no history
and now I wonder if you’re ever missing me
but I know the bigger picture isn’t about you, it’s about me
I made a decision out of self respect
there was a line and it crossed into disrespect
people used to warn me, beware
but I always thought the love would be there
this is a reality check for the ages
love is conditional, and some friendships are just phases

Borrow your Heart

I wish I knew how to say goodbye
I want to hug and kiss you, tell you that I’ll miss you
but I got issues and conflicts of interest
cause those actions are not in our best interest
I shouldn’t be missing you the way I do
I shouldn’t be embarrassing myself, actin’ a fool
I know what a need to do but don’t know if I want to do it
ask for my confessions and you’ll get them, true shit
pour out my heart and soul, every secret ready to be told
bleeding out, wounds heal but broken hearts don’t
I should let my love for you lay with the rest, but I won’t
move on like the rest of them, but I can’t, you are the best of them

and I can’t let go of yesterday, not today
not anymore, not when I’m at your door
telling you to leave him and let me in
I can’t start tomorrow drowning in sorrow
so may I borrow your heart for my benefit
time is short and I want to be yours til the end of it

There’s nothing ordinary about our affections
in the past hundred years my loyalties have been in your direction
from my crush to my love to my obsession
I go from zealous to jealous when I see you entertain anyone but us
I know that I’m the right man and you’re my right hand
under the influence of the right circumstances
I can tell you feel what I feel from unashamed glances
if we just did for a moment what we wanted to and took chances
we’d surprise no one because they all know it’s true
that I’m not meant to get over but to be under you

I think I’m making progress then I relapse
my walls, my barriers, my guards all collapse
in your absence I like to think I can hold my own
but as long as your here, I can’t leave you alone
everyone knows that I want you
but they also know that I shouldn’t want to
my services are employed elsewhere
and you have your own staff over there
I entertained you and I in a one night stand
but now I see you as part of my life’s plan
don’t know how we got this far, it shouldn’t of been possible
but I know if you want something, there’s no stopping you
so don’t stop and I’ll know exactly what to do

Season of Dreams

I think we both chose the safe option
so I find myself dreaming often
I stuck to the plan that I once abandoned
you started a family, meaning nothing would happen
thought just maybe
we could of been together
but now you had a baby
and you’ll be gone forever
living your new life
someone’s mom, a new wife
such strife
but what a time for you to be alive

we change just like the seasons
a million dreams filled with reasons
that come and go long before we know
life moves so fast, but catching up is slow
in what season do you dream
are those dreams yet to be seen

maybe I was just hoping for a fling
we didn’t really have to be a thing
just wanted to taste your perfection
then let you freely use me, a means to no end
discard me, toss me to the side
I think the attraction had always been physical
we had nothing in common emotional or spiritual
but I wanted to be your god for a night
you could of been the best night of my life
we could of done it…right?
If I were a little more aggressive
a little less love-sick
stuck with someone who doesn’t want me
got me asking how could companionship be so lonely?
In a different place, in a different time
if I only acted out my dreams instead of treating them like crimes
we could of been once in a lifetime

I know I said a fling was all I need huh
but I finally let go of the bullshit I feed on
and saw all that you had to offer
a little too late because now you have your daughter
beautiful like her mother with a supportive husband and father
everything I should of been if only I knew how to be it
but while your life blossomed, mine retreated
you worked for everything you have, I cheated
times changed, our lives changed with the times
but I was unable to keep up with mine
if I feel that something is absent in my life
I won’t pretend it isn’t you that made me feel alive

Only After Midnight

thoughts of you haunt my mind constantly
memories of us are always taunting me
we were alone when we found each other
now your life resides with another
I was so scared of losing you, and yet I did
so afraid of telling you, so I hid
my confessions, darker than you could imagine
but your secrets, enough to fill a mansion
we live in such a dark place together and alone
I hear the creaks, disturbing silences in our home
year around tension, evergreen frustration
with no resolution in sight, I die every day
knowing I’ve failed to impact you in any way

I wake up with you on my mind
but I’m only on yours after 9 pacific time
you love me, only after midnight
only love me after we fight
only love me when I’m in your sight
why don’t we know how to love right?

I thought I knew what love was
but I mourn everyday for something I’m not sure of
You’ve made me feel so empty, so incomplete
I’m just another distraction, I can’t compete
what does it take to feel like I’m worth something
any time I try, I walk away feeling like nothing
you loved me only out of obligation to feel whole
your touch has always felt so cold
I had a feeling, to get by, you lied
but I created excuses, protecting my pride
I wish there was more, but I felt needy
and when I asked, you made me feel greedy
I was asking more of you than you could provide
but I’ve seen you give more, I’ve seen you more alive

everything about us was always on your terms
after all this time, I was too blind to learn
there’s no way I was ever getting through to you
I was never going to be enough, we know its true
I was a means to an end, and the end is here
your inaction speaks volumes to how much you care
I blame myself for not accepting this day would come
I knew every bit of investment in you would be undone
but still you convinced me you were the one
or I convinced myself to no objection of your own
now my choices are to continue feeling down and alone
or to move forward and be the soul haunting this abandoned home

House of M.

We built this relationship under false pretenses
for so long we have been pretending
that friendship was ever enough
you wanted my attention, I wanted your touch
flirting with an infatuation filled with lust
to have your mind, your body was a must
I’ve been honest from the start
but I’ve omitted the fact that you had my heart
we both had someone else at the time
but that carried little weight in our minds
we would complain to each other
an incidental comfort to one another
we talked all day and all night
we flowed so naturally, it felt right
more right, than anything before
you epitomized who I was looking for
while looking for an escape, I was your door
you would of been worth every last sin
my end all, be all…fin

Living life the way we intended
we should have never pretended
I was building my house of M.
now I’m buried under your house with them

every suggestion was suggestive
crossing lines, but neither of us protested
if anything we persisted
pushed to the brink of temptation
I accepted the idea of an affair without hesitation
Hera forgive me, but truth is the way
I would of thrown it all away, to this day
waiting for an opening to come
so that we can do what we never done
but that day never came and life is the same
different in ways we can’t go back on
but when I catch your scent I think back on
the times our eyes would meet
the days our happiness peaked
the smile that would make me weak
I just wish we were bold enough to leap

we would momentarily get a taste of our potential
the moments you let me close enough to know you
but we were always looking through a window
I opened up in a way I never knew I could
anyone who preceded you, they were no good
we entertained thoughts of being together
knowing dreams are dreams and reality is forever
we still grew attached, hoping the other would act
but life has been cruelly fortunate to us both
with another, we’ve each taken an oath
pulling us apart with success in opposite directions
but some part of us holds on hoping for our resurrection
cause we live forever in each other, just to die again
I’ll keep building houses until it’s you and I in the end…

give meaning to our house of M.

What Do I Do?

I was your groupie, your biggest fan
I let you use me, even not being your man
you were my oracle, my muse
so I guess I used you
all my success and fame
attached to your one name
my greatest works of art
all have a piece of your heart
under the influence of your mind
is how I spend most of my time
lusting for inspiration, you have my attention
falling for the flesh, can you feel the tension
this wasn’t suppose to happen, I’m a fool
doing the one thing I can’t undo
how did I fall in love with you?

so what am I without you?
where do I go, what do I do?
when you leave, what becomes of me
I need you like the world needs me

your eyes and smile captivate me
your body resuscitates everything I want to be
imagine what I can be to you if you allow me to
now I can’t stop thinking about you
one song turned to ten
10 turned to 20 and then…
there’s no end in sight, my mind dreams plenty
forever doesn’t intimidate me when it comes to you
I want to create something new with you
I fantasize about a different life when I look in your eyes
a life with you, I swear I tell no lies

I’m attached to your time
you distract me in every way, that’s fine
my mind is constantly trying to make you mine
cause if I had to choose
you would be much more than a muse
much more than my inspiration
more than any amount of motivation
you are my destination
at the beginning I had my reservations
but through thoughtful conversation
I loved your mind, no hesitation
thoughts of your body, my persuasion
you are everything, my reason for celebration

Days We’ve Never Lived

you don’t dress to impress
but you always impress me
you have my eyes, you have my attention
my heart is always in your direction
I can’t escape the scent of your suggestion
I’m terrible at pretending
this feeling is never-ending
unaware of the signals I’m sending
humbled is my obsession for your attention
when I remember I’m not the one you call for
I’m not the type you would fall for

you got me taking risks
dreaming of days we’ve never lived, but still miss
that’s when we connected the most
that’s when we are undeniably close
if it were up to me
that would be our reality

what would you give up for me?
I know you can sense our chemistry
loving, supporting you with endless care
you are more than a job, you are my career
you tell me all the things you shouldn’t
thinking I wouldn’t want to act on them
you can go from fantasy to best friend
I want to love you full time
see what results from our unstable chemistry
but we know its elementary, simple in principle
clashing over our mutual attraction
hoping that one day something happens

I know once upon a time
I wanted to be yours, you wanted to be mine
an infatuation lost with time, but lingering is still a taste
no second thoughts to what we should of done in the first place
my biggest regret is not taking that leap of faith then and there
the time we spent together not caring when or where
the nights that could of lasted forever
what would we have created if we stayed the course?
but we extinguished our flame before it became a force
but even now embers of us still remain
our actions may now be, but our hearts still aren’t tamed

Cigars and Pixie Sticks

Don’t stretch my love too far, we just started
the idea of me and you leaves scars, my future is brokenhearted
we go together like cigars and pixie sticks
life has thrown us into the mix
something about us doesn’t add up
I took 50 shots for you and hit 60 bricks
there’s no settling when you fight for a friend
but there’s always going to be love for you in the end
I would of fallen in love with you in another life
you would of been my muse, my mistress and my wife
we may never be together
but that’s not to say we weren’t meant for each other
we are challenging to say the least
but in the midst of all our chaos, you bring me peace
when I have all my riches, it’s with you I want to feast
so save room in your heart for me, would you please

we’re too different, we wouldn’t be compatible
I’ve heard every possible reason out of you
we go together like cigars and pixie sticks
something doesn’t stir you well, we don’t mix
we’re strangers doing the strangest things
I recklessly let you in, chaos is what we bring

We’ve earned our rankings among the greatest
Hall of fame contenders in a game we haven’t played yet
but the fans keep cheering as we continue to slay it
we know what we are, so there’s no reason to say it
even when the dust settles, things aren’t as clear as they should be
despite our differences, the question is where and what would we be
if things were easy, but the epitome of us is the lack of simplicity
we are filled with frivolity, but your value is something I take seriously
chemistry is at our core, even when we try to forget
take it back to when we first met
first impressions carry little weight now
though I couldn’t let go of mine if I even knew how
you were exotic, intoxicating, almost erotic
and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time
we could be a catalyst for some of the best times
if we could for a moment be out of our minds

we go back and forth so much, we’re rowing in the Olympics
I have so many secrets, but you still know all my business
you know way more about me than I know about you
is that how it’s supposed to be, cause I’m used to being the mystery
no one has been less readable, but we’re filled with predictability
not to say it’s a bad thing, I just know what I’m getting when I let you in
our bond is a brand and I sell it with pride
we go through some things, but I don’t hide
some days the timing is wrong and the line to get through to you is long
and I start thinking what type of shit my heart’s on to be so strong
biased towards you, so many free passes even when you’re wrong
we go days without talking to prove a point we can do without each other
but even if we could, why would we begin to bother
you’ve always been dangerous for my security
but nothing about you worries me
It’s all about the life I don’t have and the one I want
you can give me the life I want to flaunt

She Can’t Be Saved

You dated her so you could feel like her savior

she’s down and out for the count

but you pick her back up, dust her off and tell her enough

she don’t have to deal with that life anymore

cause you’ll make it better than it was before

you can have all her needs met

all her problems, she could just forget

cause you’re here, you care, catching all her tears

thinking you can cure all her fears

healing her insecurities with your ego stroking therapy

cause you are the remedy when life is her enemy

She’s so filled with hate, she can’t be saved

insecurities, created toxic impurities

her path is paved, she can’t be saved

there’s no amount of excuses for her behavior

she needs self love, and that can’t wait for later

The appeal is real but what about the love you feel

you fell for broken pieces and struggle to grasp the reasons

your relationship goes through changes like the seasons

the ups and downs are a nonstop roller coaster

but you believe all of this only brings you closer

there’s a passion you feel from an over abundance of empathy

but the more she breaks down, the more you feel empty

how could your cure fail, your presence not be enough

and now you deal with constant rebuffs

but it only makes you fight harder than before

cause if it isn’t working the key must be to love more

how can you be whole together when she had a hole to begin with

you tried to save her from herself without the foundations of friendship

and now look how it is all ending

you’ve dug your grave and sorrow is your bedding

the best of intentions with the most selfish of deeds

you gave her what she wanted, but never what she needs

she took you and your efforts for granted

there are so many inconsistencies, you don’t understand it

but reality is you were never meant to save her

she needed saving, buy she didn’t need you to be a savior

take a step back and see that every cry was a cry for love

not your love but for self love

you fell for potential that goes untapped and held back

suppressed by a cruelty that resides deep within her soul

she’s just not the one whom you are meant to grow old

she is a tyrant in her own right, maybe she’ll be saved

but it shouldn’t be by you, and not today